Page 26 of Forbidden Need

“It’s a parent’s job to put their child first.”

“He lost his father.”

“You lost your grandfather. Your brother lost him. Instead of coming together as a family, you’re getting bogged down in the legal shit and filling your apartment with grunts so no one can talk about anything.”

“Believe me, it’s for the better.”

“You talk to anyone after the attack? A therapist or—”

“I don’t need a therapist.”

“I’ve seen it happen. The best of people, the strongest of people, they take on too much and it swallows them whole. You know there’s nothing you could fucking say to me that would change what I feel about you.”

“You expect me to cry on your shoulder? That’s such a guy thing, to think a woman can’t keep it together.”

“You are keeping it together. And if you had something for you in this. If you had a touchstone, a support structure, I wouldn’t worry so much. You’re not getting it from your dad and the cop is running around trying to save the world. No one is taking care of you.”

Her focus drifted to the raindrops running together on the windshield, lit by the streetlight beyond.

No one was taking care of her.

Where was she always safe?

Connel had said he’d take care of her. He had taken care of her. No man had ever taken better care of her and then snap, she was alone again. In him, the meaning of support changed hue. If he was there, with her, at her side, nothing would be missed, no part of her would be left hollow.

Every day she got up pushing the grief to the back of her mind, to the back of her heart. Losing her granddaddy was something she’d have to learn to live with, nothing would change it.

In contrast, the grief of losing Connel…? How could it be that they were alive in the same city and yet she kept waking up lonely?

“I don’t know any other way to be,” she whispered. “I have to keep going. What’s the alternative?”

She didn’t expect an answer or even look right at him. When the car started moving, she couldn’t bring herself to care about their destination. Strat had been working overtime and they still needed answers.

Maybe he had a source who wanted to see the family in order to cooperate. That was as much as she could come up with. Either that or he was driving her to a sanitorium. Right then, that sounded like a tropical vacation.

“Scamp. Scamp!”

“Mm?” she asked, snapping out of her funk. In the last four nights, she’d only caught glimpses of sleep; fading from reality was becoming a regular occurrence. “Sorry, my head is…” She swallowed. “I get why you’re worried about me. Thank you.”

“You say you need me with you.”

“I do.”

“I watch your back. I’ll always watch your back. Whether you like it or not.”

Gratitude didn’t cover it. She owed so much to Strat. If it wasn’t for him, she’d be overwhelmed and probably lost in a hole somewhere.

“Where are we going?”

His visit to her apartment, after dark, was unexpected. How long had they been driving?

“Somewhere safe… Safe for you, maybe not for others,” Strat said. “Your place is a zoo; you need shit to stop for a minute.”

And her mind went on safari again. “Is cake a normal thing for a memorial?” she asked, frowning. “The caterer wanted to know if we needed a cake. It’s not a wedding, it’s a wake, why—somewhere safe? Do you have a new source? Someone who knows something about the murder?”

“No.”

“I thought you made a breakthrough, that someone or something—take me home, Strat. I don’t want to play tonight. I’m not in the mood for games.”

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