Page 103 of Forbidden Need

Lip service or a reality she believed? Conn meant more than her desire. No question.

She left the bed by her own side, something she couldn’t remember doing while Conn shared it with her.

This man was a monolith who supported his family, ensured jobs and livelihoods. Was he always on the up and up? No, who was anyone to judge? Lives depended on him, hers included.

Going into the closet, she dressed quickly. Leaving Stag wouldn’t be easy. Without it before, she’d spiraled. And this time Strat wouldn’t be there to support her either. How had she become poison to the people she loved? Lach would be in her apartment. Was he next on her list of people to screw up?

She turned, tying her hair back, and came to a stop. Conn stood in the closet, just three feet away, and she hadn’t heard him approach.

Driving his hands into her hair, he pulled her close, right into him until her face was against his chest. Her safe space. Him, she always craved.

“It’s not possible to walk away from this,” he murmured into her crown, his voice muffled by her hair. “We’re a part of each other now.”

“I don’t want to hurt you, to be a liability for the family you love.”

“A family you’ve defended. A family that values you. You’ve bled for us, Macushla. Stood up to the cops, stood up to your own blood. You are the core of us.”

“The McDades belong to you. You’re the core of them.”

He pulled her head back to meet her eye. “And you are the core of me. Macushla…” His grip tightened as he shook her once. “Recognize your power. Accept it.” Beseeching her, his frustration glowed bright. “Your father, your family, they underestimate you, baby. Here, with me, you are not at the bottom of the ladder. You rule here. Just like you did kicking your father to the curb. That power is yours.”

“It does something to me,” she admitted. “Being with you, being a McDade, it excites me. I feel like I belong—”

“You do belong.”

“Would you have shot Evander tonight if I hadn’t been with you?”

“You don’t have to be around for him to talk about you or for me to defend you.”

“Is that a yes?”

“Whether you’re here or not, whether you leave our bed tonight, you will still be our McDade. You are one of us. We stand together. We fall together. Your name is ours and ours is yours. You wouldn’t hesitate to go to war for our people, for our name. Why is it so difficult for you to believe we’d do the same for you? No one is to blame. We all know the risks and we’re in it together.”

“My brother’s the only other man I thought would be with me no matter what.”

He scooped up her hair to hold it in his fist in a ponytail. “Now you have an army of them. An army eager to please. An army you command.”

“You command.”

“And who commands me?” he asked. “Ask and it’s yours.” His eyes narrowed as his mouth came closer. “I’d fall to my knees for you, Cushla Machree.”

“No…” the word was a whisper. Her eyes closed. “I want you to rise, to push the McDades higher than any other. I want you untouchable, invincible. I want you with me, always.”

“I’m with you.”

And as long as that was true, she’d weather anything else. Let their enemies come for them; they’d handle every storm together.

THIRTY-SIX

DALY OPENED THE CAR door for her just like any other day. The van that usually parked a few meters away, or on the opposite side of the street, pulled up right behind them. Another building stood before them, apartments, not like her grandfather’s townhouse, not even close.

“Not much to look at, is it?” Daly said, his shoulder bumping hers as he took position beside her.

“Not everyone’s lucky enough to have their own nightclub, Daly. Though…” Whatever she’d been about to say slipped away when the van’s side door opened. Hock got out with Snuff. Did she need three—another two got out and then the door closed again. “How many people do you think we need for one guy?”

“Gotta be prepared,” Hock said.

“Like the boss says.”

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