Page 46 of The Quit List
“Segue from the truth,” I repeat with a snort as I will my heart to beat at a normal rhythm. “Who’s the unlucky hiking companion then?”
He waves a hand. “No idea, but I’ll figure it out. See where it goes.”
A statement that was never in the Dictionary of Holly.
Past all of Jax’s suggestive proclamations, I feel completely off. Something about my strange interaction with Dylan earlier today, and then, an hour later, being confronted with Sabrina… It feels like my past is closing in on me, reminding me of everything I am and everything I’m not. The person I might have wanted to be, and the person I’ve become…
Wow, Holly, you really are different from how you were in high school.
That Holly was never spontaneous or happy to just see where it goes. That Holly played by the rules, was always responsible. That Holly never knew how to step out of the confines of her world, the confines of her comfort zone.
I’m not sure I want to be that Holly anymore.
16
JAX
I’ve hung out with Holly a few times now. Spent literal hours talking with her and getting to know her.
But, I’m not going to lie, sometimes I still find her to be a puzzle I simply can’t put together.
Like right now, for example.
We’ve just left the baby store and that awful Sabrina woman behind, and despite the (impressive, if a little unexpected) way she stood up for herself back there, she’s got this pinched look on her face. Like she’s deep in thought. As I fall into step beside her, I wonder if I went too far with the whole swooning boyfriend thing.
“I’m sorry if I crossed a million lines back there.”
I don’t add that I couldn’t help myself. Hearing that woman talk down to Holly like she was somehow less than her because she hadn’t found her person or had kids yet made me mad. Holly’s awesome, and I hope she’ll find someone soon who’s worth the wait, but in the meantime, she’s fine the way she is.
“Don’t be sorry,” she says, seeming surprised by my apology. “You were hilarious. Sabrina and her cronies are going to be chewing on this for months, I bet. Holly Greene—voted most likely to never do anything surprising—living the high life being wined and dined by her hot boyfriend.”
“So you’re not upset?”
She shakes her head. “No. I’m just… it’s just…” She stops. Sighs. “Remember at the bar when you asked me why I was so intent on finding a partner now, at this time in my life?”
I remember. She didn’t give me a proper answer.
Can’t say I’m not still curious. Because I feel like something or someone hurt her, and I also feel she deserves to move on from that hurt and be happy, however that looks in the end.
“I do,” I say, and then fall silent to give her space to speak, if she wants to.
“Well, it’s because I spent the past few years head over heels for someone who didn’t love me back. I thought he might, but I was wrong.” She meets my eyes with calm intention. “I read the entire situation wrong, and I realized I’d wasted tons of time chasing something that was never going to happen, no matter how badly I wanted it to be real.”
I pause for a moment, surprised. I wasn’t sure what I expected, but it wasn’t… this. It gives her whole manic desire to find a partner a little context. “I’m sorry.”
She waves a hand. “It was my fault for being stupid. Put all my eggs in one basket, so to speak. I got so caught up in all things Dylan and all my feelings for him. I wasn’t in any kind of headspace to go out and meet new people, and that’s why I’m scrambling now.”
“Wait.” I stop walking. “Your boss, Dylan? That guy?”
I might’ve met him for precisely two seconds earlier today, but I got such a bad read off him. He seemed like one of those guys who’s faking his whole personality—acting kind and sincere on the surface, but with a whole score of manipulative, calculated tactics underneath. I wouldn’t trust the guy as far as I can throw him.
So, surely it can’t be…
“The one and only.” She turns her eyes heavenward. “I know, I know… I became such a cliché.”
“At least you’re not his secretary,” I point out, trying to lighten the mood with my father’s own dark story. “That would have been way more cliché.”
She brightens a touch. “True.”
