Page 62 of The Trouble with Wanting

“Yes and no. I really did enjoy spending time with you and your family, but Linda being so…dismissive of me is just really frustrating.”

“What’s the deal there?” Turning to my side, I swim a little bit, pulling a floating Ruby along with me as I edge us closer to her guesthouse.

Ruby sighs, and I can hear the true sadness there, along with a host of other things as well.

“I don’t really know for sure, but I can guess, and my guess is that she doesn’t want me here to mess with things. She has a happy life with a man and they have two kids, and now some woman is coming into town claiming to be her husband’s daughter?” Her eyes connect with mine. “I feel like I’d be wary, too.”

I shake my head. “Nah. I don’t think you’d ever handle things the way she does.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. You’re too caring, and I’ll be honest, people don’t become assholes because of circumstances. You’re either an asshole or you’re not. Your circumstances just reveal who you really are underneath who you pretend to be.”

She’s silent for a minute, taking that thought in.

“I guess I can just acknowledge the fact that my presence disrupts her life.”

“And it’s really wonderful that you can put yourself in her shoes and understand where her feelings are stemming from, but she doesn’t have to be a bitch to you—especially when you’re here alone and your dad fucking bailed.”

I wince, realizing the harshness of my words.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to be so callous about it. I just—”

“No, it’s true. He bailed when I was a kid, and he bailed now.” She pauses. “I don’t know why I was surprised. He’s proven to me that I can’t trust him, you know? That wanting him to be a dad is too much. He doesn’t want me here, not really. I’m not even sure why I came.”

I squeeze her hand and she flips over so she’s floating on her stomach, looking at me with a sad expression.

“Sorry. I know you were probably hoping for a fun float back to my place and I turned it into—”

“Don’t apologize. How you feel is how you feel, and you shouldn’t ever apologize for it.”

There are so many thoughts and emotions on her face. I wish I could say something…anything to make her understand that she doesn’t have to allow this shit to get her down.

“What do you think happened between Bellamy and Briar?” Ruby asks, changing the subject with all the stealth of an elephant.

I puff out a breath and stroke my arms through the water, thinking it over. Really, I haven’t seen that kind of anger from one of my siblings directed at another in a long time.

“My guess is it’s about Briar’s fiancé, but I could be wrong. It might be something else.”

“You guys don’t like him or something?”

I shake my head. “Not at all. I mean, we try—for the most part. We don’t want him to think we hate him or anything, but he’s a prick, and in my opinion, he doesn’t treat my sister very well. So, we typically just don’t talk about him.”

“Sorry. That must be hard, especially since all of you seem to be so close.”

“The good news is that nobody is in a fight with me,” I joke. “Usually, I’m the one pissing everyone off.”

“Oh, and why is that?”

I snort. “They like to tease me a lot, like to dissect my life and judge my decisions. Normally, it drives me insane. I don’t like to share a lot about my life with people. I’m a pretty private guy, but none of my siblings care how I feel and just do it anyway.”

Ruby’s silent for a second. “Well, maybe I’m overstepping, but I’d love for you to share about yourself with me.”

My lips tilt up at the sides.

I don’t think Ruby realizes it, but I’ve shared a lot more with her than I have with anyone in a long time. I thought about this last night as I lay in bed, wishing I’d stayed at Ruby’s instead of going home and taking a cold shower.

The things I’ve shared with her—mostly my family and my life in Boston and in Cedar Point—it’s a lot for me.

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