Page 119 of The Trouble with Wanting

I growl.

“I understand why you’re fighting this, Ruby, but you can’t pretend you don’t want this.”

“Of course I want you, Boyd!” I shout, unconcerned about whether or not other people walking on the sidewalk can hear me. “But what happens when you stop wanting me?”

Tears well up in my eyes, but I don’t move, because this is what I want to hear from him. This is the ultimate fear that keeps me from truly opening my heart to this amazing man.

What happens when the world changes, or life gets hard, and he chooses to leave?

Boyd steps closer to me but keeps his hands to himself, like he knows I need the physical distance to maintain my sanity.

If he were to wrap me in his arms right now, I’d break, and I know Boyd—he wants me to love him because he’s everything, not just because he’s there.

“Here’s the reality, Ruby. The only way I can prove to you that I will never stop wanting you is by waking up and loving you every single day. There is nothing I can do or say to convince you today that I will love you tomorrow. That I will choose you every day. If you’re scared, I can work with that. If you want me to slow down, I can, but please don’t ask me to stop or send me away, because nothing will ever stop me from loving you. Telling me to stop will only make it nearly impossible for me to prove it.”

My hand comes to my chest, the beauty and sincerity of his words finally hitting the mark I know they’re intended for.

Boyd just might really be as good and true and kind and loving as I think he is. Maybe my issue is in adding the word perfect.

Like his mother said, nobody is perfect.

But that doesn’t mean they can’t be perfect for me. It doesn’t mean I can’t look at Boyd and know in the very atoms of my bones that he is the man I want to spend the rest of my life with.

I watch him standing there, his brow furrowed, his eyes on me, and I realize he has given up a man’s most valuable weapon.

His power.

I’ve always said I didn’t want a man to have power over me again because I was afraid they could hurt me too deeply to recover from. In this moment, I can see that Boyd has surrendered every single ounce of his power to me. This man who loves to be in control has given me the wheel, put me in the captain’s seat, and told me I’m in charge.

Looking into those gorgeous brown eyes of his, I know I have to do the brave thing. I have to be the Ruby who was brave and strong and who stepped out of her comfort zone in Cedar Point, not the scared one who was never willing to take a risk.

In this moment, I know that I have to be the one who chooses him.

I take a step toward Boyd, and in a heartbeat he’s crossed the remaining distance between us, pulling me in against him and wrapping me tightly in his arms.

“I love you,” I whisper, feeling his body freeze where he stands pressed against me. “I’m sorry I didn’t say it before.”

“It’s okay,” he says, pulling his head back so he can look down into my eyes. “We don’t always have to be on the same page, as long as both of us know where we are, okay?”

I nod, and then he dips down and presses his lips to mine.

God, kissing him is like heaven, like a joy I didn’t think would ever truly exist again. And yet here he is, in my arms.

My mom told me real love is something you can’t imagine ever losing and the tears you cry are because you never want to let it go.

As Boyd kisses me and tears stream down my cheeks, I know that’s exactly what’s happening. He leans back and looks at me then drops a precious kiss against my forehead.

“Can I take you to breakfast?” he asks me.

“Absolutely.”

He slips his hand in mine and the two of us head down the street, side-by-side. Neither of us knows for sure where we’re going, but together, we’ll figure it out.

epilogue

Boyd

… six months later …

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