Page 16 of Calamity Rayne Over the Moon

“Which one?”

What did he mean, which one? “The one with the apple in its mouth.” Who knew I had hard limits with food?

When I looked to see if anyone else was disturbed by the sight Pineapple Bob winked at me. What the hell was this guy’s deal?

Hale tossed his linen napkin over the pig’s head. “He winks at you one more time, and I’m going to do to him what they did to Wilber.”

I scrunched my nose. Ew. “He’s old, Hale,” I whispered, trying to be discreet.

“That’s irrelevant. You’re my wife and he’s been eye-fucking you since we sat down.”

I cleared my throat, staring down at my empty plate and disgusting drink. Maybe we should leave.

“What’s got you acting so shy all of a sudden?” Bob asked and Hale snapped.

“That’s it!”

“Whoa.” Bob held up his hands. “Easy now.”

“Wink at my wife again and I’ll?—”

“I thought you were okay with it.”

“Why the hell would I be okay with another man flirting with my wife?”

“Guess you two don’t swing that way.”

What the… Oh! I placed a calming hand on Hale’s leg. “Honey, I think an upside-down pineapple is code for being a swinger.”

“Smart little cookie you got there, Hale.”

He growled. “Hit on her again and I’ll show you just how hard I swing, understand?”

“Loud and clear.”

This was a nightmare.

“Maybe we should leave,” I whispered.

Hale glanced at me, all of his frustration vanishing. “No. You planned a nice dinner and I plan to enjoy it.” He squeezed my hand. “Do you want some?—”

“No.” My stomach lurched.

Unfortunately, things only got worse. The next course was fried frog legs. And for dessert, we had a choice, spaghetti ice cream or chocolate-covered pickles. I chose neither, as did Hale.

The moment we left the restaurant he doubled over in laughter.

“It’s not funny!”

“Oh, Rayne, it’s pretty fucking funny!” He wiped his eyes. “Your expression was priceless when they brought out that pig! And then the frog legs.” He laughed harder than I ever saw him laugh.

“I was trying to do something nice for you!”

“This was unforgettable!”

“This was a disaster, Hale! You just threw down four hundred dollars for an evening with clowns and swingers, and all I had was one sip of a shitty cocktail.”

“Thank you so much for bringing me here. I’m never going to forget this!”

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