Page 27 of Crushed By Love

“I am a virgin,” I fire back.

He turns on me with wide eyes, his mouth thinning into a line. “Oh, sorry. Yes, of course. Shit. Sorry. Forget I said any of that. You definitely don’t want to hook up with any of my friends then.”

“Because they don’t like virgins?”

His face softens. “No, because they don’t like relationships.”

“And that’s why I’m a virgin? Because I want a relationship?”

He holds up his hands in surrender. “Don’t you?”

I’m glaring, and he’s frozen, which just makes me bust up laughing. “I don’t know, relationships kind of scare me, but it’s okay. The truth is, I don’t want to have sex for the first time until I’m ready, and I think that’s going to take someone special.”

“Someone special like a boyfriend?”

I smile. “Yeah, probably, so I guess you’re right.”

“See? I thought so, and that’s fine. It’s smart of you to be careful with your virginity. But Arden, can I give you a piece of advice?”

Do I want to take advice from Cooper King? Absolutely not. But am I curious enough to let him continue whatever asinine thing is about to come out of his pretty mouth? Yes.

“And what’s that?”

“Relationships aren’t all they’re cracked up to be.”

Eleven

Maybe everyone gets nervous when meeting new people, but my reaction seems to be on another level. It’s a personal flaw that I’d like to change. It’s not that I care all that much what they’ll think of me, it’s that I care what I’ll think of them. I have this problem of getting my hopes up with people who turn out to be disappointments. I’ve had friends but never a best friend. I’ve kissed boys but I’ve never had a boyfriend. I’ve lived with families but I’ve never known what it’s like to belong to one. I don’t even know what it’s like to go to the same school long enough to memorize the fight song.

My life has turned me into an island unto myself, but I don’t want to be a damn island, I want to belong to other people the same way I want them to belong to me. And that’s what’s so hard about meeting new people, why I get so nervous, why my hands sweat, and my words get all sticky on my tongue, and my stomach twists into knots.

My last school counselor called it social anxiety, but I think it might be more than that.

I want to change this about myself, I really do, but the thing about change is it’s easier said than done. And as I walk alongside Cooper to meet up with his friends, those nerves hit me like a tidal wave. It’s a physical thing that I can’t just will away no matter how hard I try.

“You okay?” Cooper senses my unease.

I’m surprised he even noticed but that’s probably because I’m being too obvious. I nod and force a smile. “What’s there to be nervous about?”

He rakes a hand through his hair and nods. He looks older at this moment, more thoughtful and experienced. “Listen, I’m sorry about what I did to you. I know I’ve apologized, but I was an asshole that night.”

Having sex in my bed while I clean up vomit for him and then get verbally attacked by one of his other hookups is the definition of asshole-behavior, but at least he’s being nice to me now. And I can sense that at his core he’s a good guy. He’s nicer than Ethan, that’s for damn sure. I hope I’m not deluding myself by thinking I can trust him, but I decide to lighten the mood anyway.

“Cooper King––apologize? I never thought I’d see the day.” I raise my eyebrows at him when he has the gall to look offended.

“Yup, I’m an asshole.”

I sigh. “You can act like an asshole, but you’re not an asshole. There’s a difference.”

“Well, in that case, let me make it up to you.”

Their friend group is gathered among the sea of people who are sitting on the beach, and Cooper plops down on the only empty spot on the blankets. He just so happens to be sitting a foot away from where Ethan is busy flirting with some girl. It’s not the same girl I saw him making out with at the bonfire my first day here, and I kind of want to kick myself for noticing one way or the other. But I can’t help it. It’s that orbit thing again––Ethan is the center of everybody else.

I’m standing here awkwardly while the rest are sitting down and ignoring me, but at least Cooper reaches out for me. “Come on.” He pats the tiny space between him and his brother. “We don’t bite.”

“I know I’m small, but I’m not that small, Cooper.”

Someone snorts cruelly, reminding me exactly why I wanted to watch the show by myself.

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