Page 80 of Forbidden

I swallowed the nerves that crept up my throat. I shouldn’t be nervous. But it felt like we were stepping into forbidden territory, where landmines covered the ground.

“How you’ve…”

“Wanted you for years.” He finished when it was clear I couldn’t find the words.

I nodded against his arm. Vander pulled me tighter to him, burying his face in my neck. I shivered as his stubble grazed my skin. My nipples tightened, and my breath hitched. My body reacted even though he’d just given me a couple of mind-blowing orgasms.

“You remember the night we met?” My brow furrowed as I tried to think back.

Was it the wedding? No. My mind was such a blur, full of foggy images and fragmented recollections I tried not to let form. Your body could do amazing things. And my brain tried to protect me from the trauma by losing the memories.

“At my engagement party?” A picture floated to the front of my mind.

Vander dressed in a disheveled suit, but it hadn’t taken away from how devastatingly handsome he was. His dark hair had been wet from the rain, pieces of it curling on his ears and forehead.

And those evergreen eyes. They lurked in my dreams.

I remembered laughter. Dancing. It all came flooding back. The feelings I’d repressed or Mitchell had beaten out of me.

“You were fucking beautiful.” My body tingled at his whisper, but I wasn’t sure if it was good or bad. “That green dress. Your hair flowing around your shoulders. I fell for you so hard. I didn’t know who you were.” His fingers flexed on my stomach, and he yanked me closer still, eliminating the centimeter between us. “And then I found out.”

That made no sense. Until Mitchell died, he ignored me. Or was rude. Acted like my presence was annoying. Like my existence bothered him. “But you were mean to me.”

“Not that night.” He stroked my skin like he was trying to soothe the hurt in my voice. “But yes, every day after. I couldn’t let myself be nice to you. I was afraid of what I’d do.”

“Like what?”

“Like fuck my sister-in-law. Make you scream my name until you were mine and not his. I didn’t know what he was like. But I knew it was wrong to want you. I couldn’t stand seeing you two together. Hated that he was the one who could make you happy. So I was mean because it was easier than feeling guilty for loving you.”

Loving me?

He loved me. He pined for me. I couldn’t explain the lightness filling my heart. It wasn’t right, but I’d never been the object of someone’s obsession before. The feeling filled me with euphoria.

Realization slammed into my chest with the next breath. A conversation we’d had a month ago; about a girl he’d loved who’d been with another guy. “I’m the girl you were talking about. The one that had someone else.”

Who’d broken his heart. Only I wasn’t aware. I didn’t realize I’d had a choice. A way out. Someone who loved me.

I would’ve chosen him. I could’ve loved him sooner.

“Yes. There’s never been anyone but you.”

Emotion clogged my throat. “I didn’t know. If I’d known—.”

“I made sure you didn’t know. I just wish I’d seen you. If I had realized what he was truly like…” He squeezed me tighter still. His breath hit my skin in a harsh exhale. “I would’ve killed him.”

“I wished you’d done it.” My words were soft, like I was afraid of who would hear.

“Me too.” His fingers dug into my flesh, but I relished it. Loved the protectiveness I heard in his voice. “No one will ever hurt you again.”

I believed him. It was the first time in my life that I believed someone when they said they’d protect me. I listened to social services, foster parents, friends, my dead husband promise safety. Love. But it was only Vander who made me believe it.

His grip loosened as I shifted in his hold. I rolled until we were face to face. My fingers ran along his jaw as I pressed our foreheads together. He grasped my cheek, and I closed my hand around the sunflower tattoo he had on his, holding his touch to my skin. Absorbing his warmth.

“I felt it too, you know? That night. I felt so guilty for wanting you while I thought I loved him.”

I buried my face in his neck. His hand hit the back of my head, keeping me tucked against him. His warmth and scent soothed me. I breathed easier when his fingers ran down my spine. “I wish—.”

“Don’t.” My voice snapped between us. He pulled the nape of my neck, bringing my gaze to him again. “We can’t change it. And I don’t want to spend the rest of our lives feeling guilty. Wondering what could have been. Living in the past. I’ve done it enough already.”

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