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I pushed past him and ran to the other side of his desk. Space wasn’t enough. I needed physical barriers to keep him away.

His intoxicating scent. His mesmerizing words. His unbelievable touch.

“Don’t tell me to calm down!” I shouted as panic gripped my chest. “We shouldn’t have fucking done that.”

I never swore. Mitchell had beaten it out of me. It was unbecoming for his wife to swear. But I didn’t care in this moment.

I also never yelled. That would most certainly earn me a punishment. But I wasn’t myself right now. I was in a downward spiral.

I struggled to breathe. I’d just slept with another monster. And I liked it.

I couldn’t. I couldn’t get trapped by the Kent family again. Couldn’t have a baby that was half murderer.

“Shit, that dirty mouth turns me on,” Vander smirked as he straightened his clothes. Speaking as if he didn’t notice the panic attack I was having. More likely, he didn’t care. “I wouldn’t swear like that unless you want me to bend you over my desk and take you again.”

I took a step back, holding up my hand to keep him away. “D-don’t do that.”

“Why?” His eyes danced with mischief, but it wasn’t evil. It was playful. It was the softest expression I’d ever seen from him.

But he didn’t move from his place, leaning against the door. Even as I hated him, I appreciated the space. Or I wanted to hate him. I hated the version of him he was until he’d touched me. Then he seemed to change. He became gentle. Sweet.

His next words popped that fantasy. “You seemed to like it a minute ago when you were screaming my name.”

Shame colored my skin and twisted my insides. The same shame Mitchell used to give me. The same feelings of betrayal that my body liked a monster. I wouldn’t let that happen again.

Instead of turning my anger inward, I pushed it out. I flung it at Vander. “How can you stand there smiling when everyone just heard what you did to me?”

“What we did, Sunflower.” His eyes narrowed slightly as he crossed his arms. “You were very much a willing participant.”

“No, I—.” My protest died because it was true. I’d wanted him desperately.

Suddenly it wasn’t Vander in front of me; it was Mitchell. Him and his vicious words. Mitchell and the way he used to turn my body’s response against me. His lies and gaslighting until I wasn’t a person anymore. I could feel my insides being ripped out of me again.

I needed to erase what had happened. Get rid of every reminder. Lunging towards the desk, I grabbed the tissues. I leaned against the wood, my sweaty palm making it wet, as I wiped between my legs and thighs.

I didn’t care that he was watching me. It was too much. The memories. The fear. What I’d just done. I needed to get rid of it.

This is why I didn’t want a husband. I couldn’t do this. I couldn’t have sex without losing it. Without remembering him.

I scrubbed at my skin in a panic as I tried to wipe the evidence away. The tissue tore, and I still didn’t stop. A whimper fell from my lips. Tears clung to my lashes. My chest heaved for air.

I was lost in the past until Vander grasped my wrists, stopping my movements.

“What are you doing?” His touch might be tender, but his voice was steel. I could hear the anger vibrating through him. He was back to the man I knew. Not the gentle lover who just touched me.

“Cleaning up so I can go back out there and pick a husband like you demanded.” My body shook as I collapsed onto the chair in front of me. I couldn’t stand. I couldn’t breathe.

It was all too much. The memories of Mitchell. The weight of being stuck in this situation. Of being forced to marry. The confusion over Vander and who he was. A monster or a gentle lover.

He knelt before me, running a clean tissue along my skin until he had wiped away most of our cum. I flinched, thinking he would see my scars, but he seemed too focused on his task to notice them. His features hardened when I trembled. He rearranged my now-ruined panties before closing my legs and standing.

“You’re not marrying any of them. You’re marrying me.” He commanded as he straightened his tie.

“No. That wasn’t the deal!” Panic clawed at my chest. I couldn’t marry him. I couldn’t stay here, bound to this family forever. Stuck in this house of horrors. The place that haunted my waking hours. My nightmares.

“Deals change.”

“I don’t want you. I want nothing to do with your life. With your business. You’re a gangster!” My chest cracked with deep breaths as he slowly turned back to me. The monster was in charge. I recoiled at the menace in his eyes.

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