Page 36 of Finding Alexei
I reach for the pen and sign my name on every single page while tears roll down Andi’s cheeks, and my own eyes well up. There was never a choice not to keep her.
“Thank you so much. You have no idea what this means to me.”
I nod. “She’s a great baby. I’ll take good care of her.”
Andi sniffs and wipes her face. Then she takes the paperwork, folds it back into her bag, and hands me the check. “This is all the money I have to my name. Take it. There’s no way I’m giving it to the bill collectors.”
“Can I bring her by the hospital, maybe later this week on my day off?” It’s all I can even think of to ask right now.
Andi nods enthusiastically. “Yes, please. I’ll text you my room number when they move me.”
We sit there for another hour, enduring strange looks from the baristas, but it doesn’t matter. This is a mother and baby saying good-bye. In a way, it’s also me saying good-bye to Andi, as well.
It probably isn’t their final farewell, but it is Andi’s good-bye to all the hopes and dreams she had for this little girl. She won’t be the one to braid Ella’s hair or drop her off for her first day of school. She won’t be the one to kiss her scraped knees or talk to her about boys. She won’t be the one to watch her get married someday. But I will. And the emotion of that is hitting me hard. My life. . . Andi’s life. . . baby Ella’s life. . . all have been changed in an instant.
Now I understand why Andi did things the way she did. If she’d come to me and asked me to become the guardian of her daughter, I would have said no way. I knew nothing about babies, and would have said I wasn’t cut out for this at all. But these past two weeks have shown me that maybe I can do this. Alexei’s help has been amazing, but now knowing that I’m going to become a full-time parent, well, it changes everything.
I can’t rely on his generosity forever, especially not for the next eighteen years, and it wouldn’t be fair to him to expect that he would step into the role of dad just because we happened into his life. I have no idea if we’re even compatible long term, and trying to date while I learn how to be a mom is probably a recipe for disaster.
It’s not like he introduced me as his girlfriend when I met his family. The truth is, I really don’t know where we stand, or what we are. It’s been fun, but I guess the fun’s over now.
I know what I have to do—for me and for Ella.
I won’t saddle Alexei with my responsibilities. It’s way too much to ask. He’s practically a celebrity. He doesn’t want to be dating someone with so much on her plate, or taking care of a baby that isn’t his. Yes, we’ve had great sex, and yes, it will be hard to say good-bye to him, but I know the right thing to do is to let him off the hook. He didn’t ask for this. But I made a promise to Andi, and I will never regret signing my name on those papers.
After I finish here, I’ll drive over to Alexei’s and pack up my stuff before he gets home. And then I’ll pay the rest of the rent I owe with the money from Andi.
It’s time to go home and be a real adult. It’s time to become a single mom. It’s time to say good-bye to the man who has come to mean everything to me, the knight in football armor who rescued Ella and me, and become a real grown-up. Again.
I can do this.
I have to.Chapter FourteenAlexeiThanks for everything.
I stare at the text message on my phone from Ryleigh, wondering what in the world is going on. I’ve just arrived home from a tough day on the field, and my house is empty. Completely fucking empty. Not only are they gone, but so is all their stuff. I don’t like it one fucking bit.
I look at my phone again and decide to call Ryleigh. No surprise, she doesn’t pick up. So I type out a message and hit SEND.
Where are you?
We went home. Figured it was time.
What are you talking about?
I call her again and again, but she doesn’t answer.
I just need a little space, Alexei.
Is everything okay? Did I do something wrong?
We had sex last night and again this morning, and I can’t help but think that maybe I rushed her . . . rushed us. But she wanted to take this relationship further just as much as I did, didn’t she?
