Page 71 of Groupthink

“Not true. These things feed on negative feelings,” I explained. “If you love someone or hate someone, it’s the same damn thing. You care, and you put energy into it.”

She looked thoughtful for a moment. “Can I just… have a relationship with him, then?”

“Oh, gee, that sounds like agreatidea,” I mocked. “Getting into a relationship with someone who tells you you’re shit all the time. A relationship where you’re forced to look at the worst parts of yourself every day while they spotlight your flaws. A relationship where youcan’t fucking pry yourself away from it,because the evil in you took the form of the thing you used to love most. It’s not a real relationship. It’s a fucked up mirage.”

Grace blinked several times. I could hear the intricate machinery of her mind whirring away. “So you’re in one, now.”

“I’m getting rid of it,” I explained. “Once and for all—”

“How are you doing that? Kill her?”

“You can’t kill them. It doesn’t work like that.”

“How do you know?”

“Because I had a bunch of them at the same time. And they get jealous and try to murder each other.”

She stiffened.

I knew I was scaring her, but she needed to hear this. I thought of the time I came home from work to find the walls of my living room painted in a goddamn rainbow of ink like a fucking Jackson Pollock. But I didn’t need to tell Grace that; she looked scared enough. “Anyway, theycankill each other, but they always come back the next day like nothing happened. They feed on whatever you give them.”

“What, like… food?”

Fucking ditz. “No. They feed on hatred. Inadequacy. Jealousy. Whatever’s at the core of their being. I had to make peace with each one, then they faded away.”

A silence stretched between us as reality sank in.

“This can’t be real.”

“I hope it’s not,” I said. “I hope I’m crazy. And Christ, I’ve been feeling like I’ve been going crazy. I couldn’t tell anyone about it, and you can’t tell anyone either.”

“I’m telling my sister.”

I let out a laugh. “You honestly think that’s a good idea? You think she’s gonna believe you? She’ll have you committed.”

“Does Dr. Silk know?”

I shook my head. “I didn’t tell her. Icouldn’ttell her.”

Grace looked down at her fingers. “Well, what do you think I should do about Grays—I mean, my ex, then?”

“Get rid of him as soon as possible. Make peace with whatever hole in your heart is at his core. Because the longer they get to live, the weaker you get. The stronger they get. The more they demand all of your time and attention and fuck up your life—”

“What if my life’s already fucked up?” Grace asked. She looked me right in the eye.

A shiver raced up my spine. “It’s weird to hear you swear. You know what? I’m sure you wrote away your annoying goody-two-shoes trait, too.”

“What do you mean?”

“You wrote about your dream guys too, didn’t you?” I leaned back and cocked my head. “Probably wrote down stuff like ‘Never uses those big scary swearwords—’”

Grace looked at me with pure loathing.

“Well, if you did, you can expect him to show up in your life soon, too. Probably already has. I don’t know anyone else who’s gone through this shit, so I’m working from only one experience here. But I know there can be multiple ink-people that show up. You know why? Because the truth is, everything you want can’t fit into one person.”

She went quiet for a moment; thoughtful. I could tell from the look on her face that she was trying to place labels. Cleaning things up. Keeping things neat and organized.

Fuck that.

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