Page 81 of Beyond Expectations

He spun the car around, and we set off.

Once we were parked outside her building, I, yet again, couldn’t bring myself to get out. Russell cleared his throat a few times in an attempt for me to realize we were there. I was already aware we had been sitting here for ten minutes, but all I could do was stare at her building. My mind bounced all over the place. I wanted her, needed her, but I was so damn angry. Angry because my father was gone. Angry at what Julian had done. I was angry that this all was happening to me.

An hour passed. I kept prepping myself to get out but couldn’t muster the courage to do so. I was looking out the window when suddenly I saw her exit the main doors.

“Follow her!”

I knew it was rash, but I needed to see her, and this was as close as I could be to her, at least for now. Despite being in midtown traffic, Russell had somehow managed to drive at a steady pace. Stopping every time, she stopped and looked in a store window. She walked past a couple that were in a deep embrace. I watched as she studied them, her face suddenly marred with sorrow. Then, she retrieved her phone from her bag.

Moments later, my phone alerted me to a message.

I’m sure things are difficult now, but I mean it when I say I am here for you whether you want to talk or even have some company.

My door is always open.

X

It was surreal that I was only a few feet away from her, following her, but I couldn’t find the courage to get out. Yet there she was, offering to be there for me. What was I doing? Was I so used to being alone that I couldn’t behave like an average human? I was so used to being told what to do—something I was beginning to realize I had heavily relied on, yet, I was utterly clueless, and I wished someone would tell me how to handle everything. What to do.

I typed over a dozen replies but kept deleting them instead of pressing the send. I kept doubting myself. And that was something I never did.

We followed her for another few blocks until she disappeared into a building. After googling it, I found out it housed a gym. I got Russell to pull up and wait.

The look he gave me made it clear he thought I had gone mad.

***

She finally reemerged after what felt like the longest hour and a half. She was still in her gym clothes, so I presumed she was heading home. I watched as she hailed a cab. This time, without instruction, Russell followed the car.

Just as I had expected, she arrived at her apartment. I could see every inch and curve of her. Her ass looked amazing in her tight yoga pants and I was getting harder by the minute. Once she disappeared into her building, I waited until the lights in her apartment came on. I was finally deciding to get out of the car, I told Russell he was done for the day. Yet again, my legs turned to stone. I tried crossing the road but froze. Looking around me, I noticed a bar a few doors down and decided to go and have a drink.

The bar was nothing special. It was just an average place where people would stop by after work. Sitting at the bar, I nursed either my third or fourth drink. I couldn’t remember.

At some point, a woman sat beside me and tried to chat me up. There was no way in hell I was interested, although she seemed surprised by my brush-off. I guessed she wasn’t used to the word no. As I made my way over to the restroom, I realized I was drunk. The ground beneath me felt like it was moving, and my vision became blurrier by the second.

Rushing to the cubicle, I thought I was going to be sick, but instead, I dry heaved. Splashing some water over my face, I tried to sober up. Having left the bar, I found myself standing outside her building. The doorman greeted me by name and let me go straight up. I knocked on the door and waited.

Opening the door only in her towel, I could watch the shock register on her face. Her hair began to curl as it lay damp across her shoulders and chest, and little droplets of water ran down her golden-brown skin, disappearing into the towel.

“What are you doing here?” she said breathlessly.

“I needed to see you.”

She looked at me, and I saw some hesitation marring her face. Finally, she stepped aside and let me in. She must have smelt the alcohol on me.

“Would you like tea or coffee?”

“A coffee would be lovely, thank you.”

She walked over to her kitchen and began to prepare two cups. I took my jacket off and felt out of place as I walked around her lounge. What was I doing there? It felt like she didn’t want me there. Having prepared our drinks, she went over to the couch and lifted her chin, indicating for me to sit.

“I’m so sorry for your loss. How are you?” she asked me, eyes brimming with concern.

I ignored the question and took a sip of coffee, trying to gather my thoughts.

“I’m sorry I haven’t called you back, my head’s been all over the place. I guess I don’t know what to say.”

I watched as she listened.

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