Page 52 of Beacon

“Do you want to swing by my place first?” What I meant by that was, “Do you want to go by my place to grab your stuff since this is the end?” I don’t have the heart to say it, and it comes out as if I’m asking her to stay the night at my place.

She whips her head toward me. “What are you doing?” Her pitch is elevated. “We agreed to a clean break, Dom. And you what? Want another night together?”

I want another night, and then another night. And more.

“That came out wrong.” But I don’t tell her what I mean. If I keep her stuff longer, maybe I’ll see her again.

“Just drop me off, and I’ll get you your stuff you left at my apartment another day.”

My heart drops. Can I give up my dream of becoming a dad? I don’t know if I can.

“Sandra, is there any way—”

She interrupts me. “That I’d consider giving you a kid, Dom?”

What am I thinking? Forcing her into motherhood isn’t the way. And was I really about to ask her that very question?

“I don’t know what I was going to say, but I can’t let you go.”

I stop in front of her building, and she turns to me, tears rolling down her cheeks. “There’s nothing to say. Like I said, our feelings came on strong, and I didn’t have a chance to consider you’d want kids. I love you, but there’s one thing I can’t give you.”

I place the car in park and turn to my door. “No, Dom. A clean break, like we agreed?”

“Let me at least walk you upstairs?” I ask.

“I can get my bag and walk inside by myself.” She turns to me and places her hand on my cheek. “You’re going to make a woman so happy one day, and she’ll be able to give you what I can’t. Be happy.”

Otis is still in my lap. “Come on, Otie Totie.” He looks up at me and whines.

“Goodbye, you compact little pug. I’ll miss you, buddy.” I hand Sandra the leash attached to the harness and he jumps out of the car. I watch in my rearview mirror as she enters her apartment building and walks out of my life.

Has it been two days?Three days? I’m not sure. After calling out of work again, there’s a loud bang on my bedroom door. It could be Bodhi, irritated at the absences, especially since I haven’t told him about Sandra. Or most likely, it’s Garner checking in on me. I’ve stayed in my bedroom, barely leaving. It’s unlike me, and everyone knows it, but when I don’t answer, the person on the other side opens the door anyway.

“I come for proof of life,” my brother’s stern voice booms throughout the apartment.

Great, now my brother is involved. “What are you doing here?”

“It’s Thursday. No one has seen you in days. Garner and Bo are worried, and when I called Sandra, she told me to talk to you.”

“And is that what you’re doing?”

He rakes his fingers through his thick black hair, so similar to mine. “I’m trying to figure out why my brother, who has never called in sick a day in his life, not even when he broke his foot,has been out of work for four days. Or why he hasn’t called me. I’m more than your big brother, Dom. I raised you. Don’t shut me out.”

I begin to chuckle. “I’m so glad you switched from referring to me in third person. That was a little freaky.”

He doesn’t laugh and crosses his arms over his chest, as he did when we were younger.

“Sandra and I broke up. We want different things, and neither one of us thought to ask the other before it got serious. And now I love her, and I can’t have her.”

He pulls a chair from over in the corner and sits down in front of my bed. “And are you going to tell me what this difference is?”

“You, and only you.”

“That’s a promise I can make. Now shoot.”

I take in a cleansing breath. “I may have avoided relationships for a while. But I knew if I ever found the girl I wanted as my wife, we’d start a family. I could right the wrongs of Mom and Dad and have the family experience I always wanted.”

“And Sandra doesn’t want kids?” he asks.

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