Page 56 of Beacon

“Thanks, man.”

He begins to walk toward the back of the bar and the bathrooms when I call out, “Hey, dude, I’m taking off.” And he gives me a little wave.

I stop outside the double doors of the bar. I stand, with a decision to make. All I have to tell Sandra is that I don’t want to have kids. But even in the worst days, when Mom and Dad would forget about us, and we stayed at the Blakely house with Arden and Garner, I knew I’d do it so differently, if given the chance.

I start toward Sandra’s house, only to turn around, hail a cab, and return by myself to my apartment, missing Sandra more and more with every passing minute.

The new projectat the Threesome Place, as we’ve named the property Miles had purchased, has turned into our main source of salary for the next year. Not only are we creating a beautiful outdoor area, two more sets of threesomes are making their home here, without judgment.

Their way of life is awesome, and I support them a hundred percent, but I could never live that lifestyle. I could never share my woman.

The office is quiet on a Sunday morning, as I’m paying invoices and scheduling employees for the next phase at Miles Sterling’s home. I enjoy paying bills since his contract landedin our laps. My brother’s connections reach far, and while he’s offered me an apartment in his high-rise, I’ve chosen to make my way in this world on my terms.

I pull out my phone again, searching the text thread with Sandra, and there’s nothing.

I’m staring at the phone when the slam of the door scares the holy fuck out of me, and I spin around with my cell in my hand.

“Hey, man. What are you doing here?” I ask, since we didn’t leave together last night. “How was the rest of your night?”

There’s no smile on his face, and it’s clear I hit a nerve. “I ran into Clara’s new boyfriend in the bathroom.” Bodhi moving on from his ex-wife has been a process that in three years he still hasn’t achieved. “He seems nice enough and all. Thought I’d try to be friendly. Clara and he seem very, very serious.”

I know this. After Bodhi and Clara’s divorce, I got him, and my sister got Clara. Daria and she were best friends and roommates, like Bo and I, and it’s how they met. I’m not surprised, from what Daria tells me about Clara and her new man, but they’re all details I won’t share with Bo. He’s brokenhearted that the dissolution of their marriage was at his hands.

“I can’t stand to watch you make the same mistake. I fucking messed up, Dom. But you’re a bossy SOB, so start fighting for her.”

“How do I fight for someone who wants something different from me?”

“It’s hard to answer that when I don’t know what that thing is. You’ve not told me. Garner has no clue what happened.”

Of course, he and Garner have talked about this. “Okay, here goes—with Sandra, I see mornings on the couch with the Sunday crossword puzzle, a picket fence, and a kid or two calling me dad.”

Bodhi, who had been still standing with his hands down on the desk, falls back in the chair, his mouth gaping wide open. “You, Dominic Torano, want kids? I never thought it was an option for either you or your sister.”

I’ve wanted a storybook romance like what my brother, Daimen, has with both his man and woman. I thought my parents broke something within me because I never fought for more.

“I never said I didn’t want children. I just didn’t think I could trust another woman with the trauma I’ve had.” I stop to think about my childhood. I’d never allow a partner of mine to be abusive with those around me, like my father allowed with my mother. I continue to explain the problem to my best friend. “But it doesn’t matter, Bo. Sandra doesn’t want children.”

“You deserve to find happiness, Dom.”

Two can play at this game. “So do you, Bo.” Not sure Bo will ever move on without Clara.

He ignores me, but won’t stop until he has proven his point. “Let me ask you this, Dom,” he says, still in my office. “You love her. And you’re miserable without her, right?”

I give him my answer when I nod my head.

“Okay, this is a hard question, and there’s just one right answer. And only you know it. Do you want kids more than you want Sandra? It’s okay to say yes. But if it’s a no, you have to come to terms with maybe never having kids and instead holding on tight to the girl you love.”

He hits me hard with that little truth bomb, and I know the answer the second it had been presented to me. But am I brave enough to admit it to myself?

twenty-three

SANDRA

“Aunty San San, it snowing here in York New.” Bridget’s animated gestures only make me miss my sister and my nieces more.

“Bridge, for the hundredth time, it’s New York, not York New.” I hear the bossy Maggie call from the other room.

Bridget gets close to her screen and lowers her voice. “I know it's New York, Aunt San San, but I love getting under Maggie’s skin—that is what Daddy says I do.”

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