Page 114 of Love Collided

It didn’t matter how mad I wanted to be, or how upset I could be because of the party. I wanted to kiss him more than I wanted to yell or fight.

I moved up onto my toes, and he was quick to understand what I wanted. His lips found mine, kissing me hard as he backed us into a small alcove.

My back hit the wall and held me there against it while I wrapped my arms around him, trying to pull him closer.

“I fucking missed you,” he said, his hands moving down my body until they dug into my hips. “I really fucking missed you.”

He kissed me again, his tongue moving against my lips until I parted them. I wanted more, and the thought of that made my stomach flutter.

My chest tightened, and I pushed him back, the weight of my own conflicting emotions pressing on my chest like a weight. I couldn’t do this. I couldn’t let myself keep getting myself wrapped up in Chase when I knew the outcome was heartbreak. I couldn’t ignore that, no matter how much I wanted to. Reluctantly, I stepped back and tried to take in the painful truth that Chase didn’t want a relationship, and I did.

“Scout, please.”

“I need air,” I said, stepping around him and not stopping until I was back outside on the sidewalk. Our hotel was a two-block walk, and I had already started on it when he caught up to me.

“Scout, stop. You aren’t listening and I need you, too. You said I got five minutes.”

“And you wasted them kissing me instead.”

“That was not a waste.”

The fear that he was only going to tell me that we couldn’t have more than this was eating at me. I knew it already, but hearing it out loud from him was still going to hurt and I had been trying to avoid it. I didn’t need him hunting me down just to reiterate that we could keep this friends with benefits arrangement even if we had nothing else. I couldn’t admit to himthat I had already fallen for him and ruined any chance that this would ever be a casual agreement again.

“You were right,” he said, apparently taking his five minutes now.

“About what?”

“I can’t have the life that I’ve had and have you. I would have to keep half of myself in that world and half in yours. I wouldn’t be able to bring you to all the places I had to go, not only because you would hate it, but my dad would try to ruin you at every chance. He would never be okay with this, and as long as I worked for him, he would have the control he wanted, even over my relationships. Not only that, but I would have to watch you die every fucking time we went to those things. You would be miserable having to do that once or even twice a week sometimes.”

“I could tolerate some of them,” I said, hating how small my voice sounded, and wishing this didn’t hurt so bad. “It’s not like I asked to be this way. I’m sorry I’m not some fancy, perfect robot like you and those people. I like messy. I like not worrying if my hair is perfectly in place, or if I’m acting how other people want me to. I can’t control my emotions and sometimes, they get the best of me.”

“I know,” he said softer now, stepping closer. “You feel everything, Scout. Every small emotion cracks through you until it’s a damn volcano. The night we met at the races, you could barely contain yourself. Every second those emotions grew until you looked wild, you were so mad at me. And I fucking wanted it. I wanted to feel a second of anything the way you felt it. I could barely manage to feel depressed before you. I’m not telling you this because there is anything wrong with you.”

“Well, some people have said I feel too much.”

“Those people are jealous.Iwas jealous. I don’t think I ever understood how people felt things so strongly until I met you. Iknew anger, jealousy, endless defeat, but all the others? I didn’t know it could feel like this.”

“I’m not sure what you’re trying to tell me. Did you actually come all the way here to tell me that I was right and this wouldn’t work? Or you finally agree our lives can’t work together?”

“Kind of. I came to tell you that if I can’t have both, then I will choose one. I don’t care what life is being offered to me. I would choose a life with you a thousand times in a thousand lifetimes. There is no life that I could want if you weren’t in it. You were right that I couldn’t have both, so I won’t. I’ll take the life with you and leave the other one behind.”

My face fell, the shock of what he was saying making my stomach sink. He tried to step closer, but I stepped back. “What do you mean? You’re giving up working with your dad?”

“I’m giving up law school, working with my dad, probably my place to live since there is no way I’m going to pay for that stupid place. Don’t worry, I’m securing the Hellcat and Porsche for us before I tell my dad all of this,” he said with a smirk. “Just in case that persuades you at all.”

“You think I’m worried about thecars? Chase, you are talking about giving up your entire life.”

“I’m talking about giving up the life I’ve had. I’ll build a new life.”

“Just like that? You think you are going to go from being rich and having everything in life to nothing?”

“I’m hoping to at least have you, so it won’t be nothing.”

“Even if I did agree to that, you don’t understand how hard it is to start from nothing, Chase. No place to live, no job. I don’t even know if you would even qualify for a job.”

“I know you think I’m useless and rich,” he said, his smile growing. “I can figure it out, and no, it doesn’t have to be your job to figure that out for me. I’m pretty sure I have some skills I can put to use. All I need from you is you.”

I grabbed my chest, trying not to cry, or maybe just not pass out.

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