Page 109 of Love Collided

CHASE

I don’t knowhow long I leaned against the door. I had already been on edge, and then she had showed up, ruining any semblance of control I had over the night.

It had started off like any one of these parties, but for some reason, the way my dad bitched at me the entire ride here pissed me off more than usual.

I had already been in a bad mood. I wasn’t actually sure if my heart had stopped racing since Scout’s wreck. I had wanted to stay with her, but her apartment had felt suffocating. The way she looked at me kept making my stomach tighten and roll. I wanted to reach out and hold her in fear that there would be a day I wouldn’t be able to, that one of those wrecks could be the end for her. And at the same time, I wanted to run and save myself before I even had the chance to lose her.

But then, two days went by and I kept getting more agitated.

I had known it from the moment I met Scout that she wasn’t a girl I should mess with. Not only did I know it, but she knew it. Fox knew it. Hell, even Ash had reminded me more than once to not waste my time bothering Scout.

It hadn’t mattered, though. I still pushed for more. Then, the moment she broke up with Jesse, I was nearly begging for more.I knew I was shit at relationships, so I offered everything I could, even when I knew it wasn’t enough for her.

And now, I still wanted to push for more again. I had planned to talk to her at the races, but instead I watched her run into a fucking wall.

Every emotion, every feeling I had remembered these last few months was replaced with a gut-wrenching ache that it would be gone forever. That I could go home that day and never see her again.

I wasn’t sure how to live a life without Scout in it now, but how was I supposed to live that life with a girl who was making a living out of cheating death? Ash almost died from her crash, the scar across her chest a reminder of how close she had come. Could I stand there and watch Scout do the same?

I had spent the entire two days away from her wondering about it all, and before I could even come close to figuring it out, she walked in and saw Claire by me.

It wasn’t right, but I had even loved the way the jealousy had been all over her face.

And I had to realize it was because I loved everything about Scout.

My heart wasn’t mine anymore. I thought Scout would be the one to make a mess of this and want a relationship, yet here I was, avoiding her because I didn’t know what the fuck I was supposed to do next.

I opened my eyes and looked her over. I had tried to force myself to stop staring before, but in here she was all mine to look at. I could openly stare and take it all for myself.

“You look beautiful,” I finally said.

I spent my life being stupid and reckless, being told I was going to marry a country club girl that liked these lawyer parties, and cooking, and maybe tennis. A girl who definitely didn’t racecars, or get emotional at the drop of a hat. Not only emotional, but somehow manage to feel every emotion simultaneously.

A girl I would never be picking up from jail in the middle of the night. And while it was never specified, I assumed it included girls who weren’t giving you blowjobs behind the police station.

I always guessed that I would be the reckless one in a relationship, but somehow Scout liked a lot of bad things.

“I wasn’t trying to be a dick, I just didn’t want everyone staring at us,” I said, realizing that my time was probably running out and she had barely said a word to me still.

What I really wanted to say was that I didn’t know how I was supposed to continue on with this life that had been planned for me when I knew a life existed with Scout. I would have to live every day of my pathetic life knowing that someone, somewhere, had Scout in their life and I didn’t.

“Why? You don’t like more eyes on you when you look like a zombie?”

“A zombie?”

“You’re all scary and dead walking around down there. You look dead and hollow again.”

“I guess that’s how I get at these things. I didn’t realize it was so noticeable,” I said. I shouldn’t be shocked now that I knew Scout and her ability to care so deeply about the people she cared about, but I still couldn’t believe someone cared about me enough to notice those things. To see that I was struggling when everyone else carried on like normal.

“I guess it wouldn’t have been to anyone else. Maybe I’ve just come to know you a little differently.”

“I think you know me better than anyone.”

“Is that why you’ve been avoiding me?” she asked.

“No.”

“Then why?”

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