Page 110 of Love Collided

“Because Scout,” I said, the words painful before I even got them out. “You ran into a wall. A fuckingwall.And what? I’m supposed to hang around until you do it again? Just wait for the day I get to see you wreck and get hurt or worse? I can’t fucking do that.”

Her eyebrows furrowed, and her face fell. “So you’re avoiding me because I wrecked a little? Are you trying to say that I should give up racing becauseyouare worried?”

“No, of course not. I would never even think to ask you that, and I don’t want you to. I just don’t know how to sit and watch it happen again. What if you’re hurt? What if there is nothing I can do to help? There would be nothing I could do but stand there. And then how do I explain that? My dad nearly had a heart attack with me showing up bruised and broke. What would happen if it were you?” I pushed a hand back into my hair again. The stress was eating me alive, making me pace the room as she stared at me.

“Are you worried about me wrecking and getting hurt or are you worried about what other people would think about who I am and what I do?”

I stopped, taking three large steps and reaching for her. “You. I’m worried about you, but the other stuff only adds to the mess. Standing there helpless and waiting to find out if you were going to get out of the car was the worst minute of my life. In ten fucking seconds, it felt like everything could be over, and I had to stand there and watch it.”

She slipped out of my grip, stepping back and out of reach again. The hurt in her eyes was killing me, but I didn’t even know what I should do about this, let alone what I could tell her to make it better.

“I think we have two different lifestyles,” she finally said. “I think we have two completely different lives, and I don’t think those two lives can survive together. I think we both knew itfrom the start and it’s just finally showing how well itdoesn’twork together. There’s no overlap, Chase, and yeah, I might wreck again. It might be tomorrow, it might be a year from now, but it doesn’t mean it’s going to be bad. What I won’t ever be, though, is anything like the girls down there. I grew up in a very different life from them, and even if I tried, I would never be them. Whatever agreement or arrangement we had is done. It’s getting too messy for both of us now.” She started towards the door, but I caught her.

“Wait, Scout. It can’t be done.”

“If we keep going, I’m going to get hurt, and I’m sorry, but I can’t do that again.” She pulled open the door, making me follow her into the hallway.

“Dammit,” I said as we ran right into my dad.

“What are you two doing up here? Are you two up here fucking around after I just introduced you to his fiancé?”

Scout smiled, holding her head up and facing him, which only made my chest tighten more. I didn’t know who Scout would ever be scared of, but it sure as hell wasn’t going to be my father.

He stared her down until she finally turned to me, rolling her eyes. “Like I said, two different worlds that will never fit together.”

She walked past us, and I moved to go with her, but my dad caught my arm.

“What are you doing?”

“Fucking hell, can you just leave me alone for ten minutes?”

“Excuse you?” he asked. The way his shoulders straightened almost made me apologize, but as I watched Scout disappear down the steps, I realized how little I cared.

I didn’t care about him. I didn’t care about being a lawyer. I sure as hell didn’t care about taking over his slimy company.

“I said leave me alone. You know exactly what you were doing when you tried to pretend Claire and I were engaged. You fucking knew what you were doing, and you thought all your manipulation tactics were going to work? Did you really think I wouldn’t clear that up with her?”

“I see how well that went for you,” he said, smirking as he looked over his shoulder.

My fingers flexed into a fist until I realized how badly I wanted to punch my own father.

“What do you want?” My words were strained, my throat feeling like it was ready to close up.

“I want you to get back downstairs and knock this off. I told you she wasn’t worth it and then you brought her here? Even worse, you disappeared with her. Your mother is just as upset as I am, and you need to go down and apologize to her. Claire too.”

“You can’t be serious right now?”

But I already knew he was. This was my life, and the reason I never felt anything was because I was told I wasn’t allowed to.

And all that time I had laid down and fucking listened until I wasn’t even myself. Until I wasn’t even sure who I was. That was never the person I wanted to be, but I let it happen over and over again until I was so disconnected that Scout would call me hollow.

Why would I fight for the life he was trying to force me into now?

Could I manage to not become him? Or would I just work a job that made me scum with a wife that didn’t like anything about me but stayed for the money? My parents could say that they loved each other, but I never thought it was true. And seeing the way that the crew not only loved each other but the way those guys talked about each one of the girls only proved my point.

Even if I loved Scout, I didn’t know how I was supposed to sit back and watch her crash into walls.

I pulled away from my dad and headed back downstairs, ignoring his demands for an apology, and stepping outside to take a deep breath. I wish I had anything to smoke, wished I could stay numb to the world. I wasn’t sure how Scout managed all her emotions and didn’t collapse under the weight of them all. She opened up whatever heart I had left and unleashed every pent up emotion I’d been holding back for years.

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