Page 18 of Steady and Strong

The moment.

They were going to kiss.

Conor had shifted until mere inches remained between them, his eyes locked on Luca’s too-inviting lips. Conor had licked his, so fucking excited. Then he’d closed the distance and his eyes, so ready for his first kiss—when a girl called out Luca’s name.

Luca turned, grinning as Trina Paulson walked up to them. Conor stood stock-still as Luca wrapped his arms around Trina, kissing her the way Conor had thought he’d meant to kiss him.

Luca introduced Trina as his girlfriend. Conor could only assume it was a new relationship because Luca had never mentioned her before, jokingly claiming just a few weeks earlier that he was “too young to settle down.”

Trina barely glanced in Conor’s direction, telling Luca he was going to be late for practice. Luca had given Conor a brief wave and a “later,” walking off with Trina, his arm tucked tightly around her waist as she giggled at something he whispered in her ear.

Conor had stood by the bookshelf for several minutes after, certain he could feel every crack and splinter forming in his heart.

Devastation hit fast, but something worse came right on its heels.

Panic.

One didn’t grow up in the Russo house without becoming an expert in distrust. Conor had foolishly thought himself above that petty emotion, until he realized he’d never truly let down his guard enough to offer someone his trust.

Until Luca.

What if Luca had been toying with him?

What if he’d led Conor on? Let Conor think he liked him, as a game, as a way to make Conor look like a fool?

What if he was telling all his teammates that Conor had almost kissed him, and they were all laughing at him behind his back?

What if what Conor had almost done got back to his dad?

Terror took over, and Conor had struggled to take a breath, his heart racing, his chest tight, so fucking tight. He’d never had a panic attack hit him so quickly, but the one he suffered that day took him down within seconds.

Conor had shoved all his shit into his backpack as quickly as possible, a cold sweat breaking out all over his body. Somehow, he’d managed to make it to the parking lot, where Gage was waiting to drive him home. Rather than deal with Gage’s nonstop chatter, Conor had pulled a book from his bag and pretended to read.

He’d spent the entire ride counting every pounding beat of his heart and fighting overtime to keep himself from loudly panting for air. By the time they’d made it home, he’d felt so light-headed, gray spots were hindering his vision.

Luckily, his brother hadn’t even noticed his distress. Conor had locked himself in his room for the rest of the night, fighting one of the worst panic attacks of his life.

Monday morning, he’d gotten to school early and begged his Spanish teacher to allow him to switch partners and seats, and for the rest of that year and the next, Conor became an expert in avoidance. He’d spent his entire junior year like a soldier on a covert mission, constantly scanning every hallway and carefully turning every corner, as if there were a sniper ready to take him down.

It wasn’t until Luca graduated that Conor finally managed to relax. No word had ever gotten back to him that Luca had somehow played him, and no one seemed to know about that near kiss.

As the years passed, Conor was better able to see what had really happened that day. He’d fallen in love with a boy who hadn’t fallen back, who hadn’t even known Conor had feelings for him. He’d been as invisible, as forgettable to Luca as he’d been to everyone else in his life.

Since beginning work on this project, it had become clear Luca hadn’t changed much since high school. He was still easygoing, funny, entertaining, charming as fuck. He was also still oblivious to Conor’s attraction.

Thank God.

Conor had hoped the man had changed enough that he could fight this overwhelming desire. Unfortunately, if anything, it was stronger because—Jesus—this muscular, tatted, bearded bad boy version of Luca was impossible to resist.

“Hey, Conor.”

He turned at the sound of Harper’s voice, grateful she’d arrived before Luca. He watched as she shoved the last bite of what looked like a cream-filled donut into her mouth, before licking her fingers.

“Good morning, Harper.” He forced the old memories away and put on what he hoped passed for a friendly smile. “How’s hotel life?”

She shrugged. “Familiar. I’m no stranger to hotels after a lifetime of traveling for work.”

“I admire your fortitude because I don’t know how you managed to do that for so many years. I don’t travel much for work, but after a night or two in a hotel, I’m always ready to get back home and sleep in my own bed.”

---