Page 49 of The Breakup

“This isn’t a big deal,” I told her. “So she bailed on her wedding, so what? Don’t people do that all the time?”

“It happens. But it doesn’t mean you should roll around in other people’s mud with them.”

That made me grin. “Damn, sis, you don’t know me then. I’m all for rolling in mud.”

“I know. Which is why you’re an idiot.”

“I’m not going to argue with you there.” I took the clothes from her. “Thanks. I’ll make sure you get them back.” I was trying to be nonchalant, but Charlie had given me a touch of fear. Ali didn’t like Bella. If she found out Bella was with me she was not going to be thrilled. “I’ll be back later today.”

When I got back into the living room Bella was on the floor with Camp, reading him a book. It made me want to punch a hole in the wall. I wanted that for my son, damn it. I wanted him to have a mother. And whose fault was it that he didn’t? Mine.

I didn’t know how to make that up to him.

I couldn’t. But that was also the reason I couldn’t date right now. I couldn’t bring someone into his life who would disappear. He had already suffered through that in losing his mother. That was why I stayed casual with women.

It didn’t explain why I was handing Bella clothes to wear and ushering her and Camp into my car like we were a family going for a fucking day at the park.

Maybe Bella had planned a fantasy wedding, but what would we call this?

Stupid. That’s what I called it.

—

Camp was the sweetest, quietest little baby I had ever seen. He watched his father and me with wide, intelligent eyes. He didn’t laugh when I played patty-cake with him. Instead he kept reaching for my face, like he was on to me. Which he probably was. He obviously wasn’t a nine-month-old, he was double that. But it was easy to mistakenly think he was younger because he didn’t talk much. Or maybe he was just solemn. He had the words but didn’t care to use them.

I imagined this was what Sophie was like as a baby. Intelligent, watchful. Quiet. Serious.

I wanted to coax as many smiles from him as I could.

Christian was grilling us burgers back at the cabin for lunch and I was sitting in the same chair as the night before, Camp on my lap. I was tired from lack of sleep but I felt oddly serene. I didn’t even mind that I was hiding out and should be taking advantage of this time to have sex with Christian and instead we were entertaining his son.

It was like I had dumped every worry and fear from my head and was living someone else’s life. Just for a minute. It was bliss.

“You seriously want two burgers?” Christian asked me as he expertly flipped the patties on the grill.

“Yes. I’m starving.” I couldn’t get over how hungry I was. I was making up for lost time, clearly. “I can’t wait to eat meat. I mean, other than chicken and fish. I’ve been eating lean for…forever.” I couldn’t remember the last time I had a burger with a bun; probably my senior year in college.

“Did you ever think maybe life should be about balance?” Christian loaded a burger onto a bun and then a plate. He made quick work of putting the remaining three on the plate, which he carried across the yard. “They’re ready.”

“You think my life isn’t balanced?” I stood up, stroking Camp’s soft cheek. He made happy sounds and reached out to touch my necklace. It was a horseshoe. Just a tiny delicate silver piece my father had given me for my sixteenth birthday. It had been in my overnight bag, intended for me to wear on the plane to Bora Bora for good luck. I had found it and put it on.

“No, I do not think going eleven years without a doughnut is a balanced life.” He opened the door for me. “Or years without beef. And no, that is not an innuendo.” He winked at me as we sat at the table to eat.

That made me laugh.

The burger was heaven. No question about it. It was like an explosion of flavor, the meat tender and juicy. “Oh my God.” I handed Camp a French fry from the pile Christian had baked in the oven. “Here you go, baby. Don’t be like me. Don’t deny yourself.”

Camp crammed it into his mouth without hesitation. It must be nice to be guilt-free.

“Again. Balance.” Christian took a bite of his burger and nodded. “Damn, I’m the grill master. This is good.”

That made me roll my eyes. “Modest too.”

Christian put down his burger and frowned. “Is that a car pulling in?”

I froze and listened. There was the distinct sound of tires on gravel. “Yes. I think so. Is it your brother?”

“If it is, I’m going to murder him. This is the last night I can really stay here with you. I want to enjoy it.”

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