Page 10 of Atonement

I flinched at his voice, hands dropping for a second too long and letting a glancing blow land off my chin.

You know I can’t.

“I’ve laid out my requirements.” Every sane molecule of my body screamed at me to lie down and take what was left of my punishment before it became so violent that he put me out of commission for a week or more. Maybe if I gave up now, I’d be able to sleep without begging Shawn for painkillers. But if I did that, Madeline would still be here. “You know what I want.”

He grabbed my broken hand and squeezed it, but I didn’t go down, even though the blinding pain made my throat close up. It was his foot in my kneecap that finally sent me to the floor. He was on top of me in an instant, kneeling on the bruise on my arm. He always remembered where he hit me previously, to make the next assault go smoother.

“Hit. Me. BACK!”

His rage was too much, and I had too many years of conditioning and fear instilled in me to fight back any more. All I could do was throw up my hands as he beat me, but eventually even those were useless as he shoved them aside and rained blow after blow down on my body. Familiar pain points lit up like beacons beneath my skin. Old bruises that never fully healed reopened for the hundredth time. And when his fists became too sore from beating on my muscles and bones, he grabbed my right hand and squeezed until I had no choice but to scream in pain.

“Stop!” I begged, even knowing it would only earn more more pain. His fist landed in my stomach.

“What have I told you?” He finally dropped my hand and grabbed my head, pushing my face into the carpet. “Younevertell me what to do, least of all when I’m teaching you a lesson!”

“I’ve learned enough from you,” I bit out, one desperate last attempt to be better than the child he always made me regress to, and brought my knee up into his stomach. He grunted, hold slackening, and I was able to roll to my side so that he wasn’t holding me down so tightly. “There’s nothing more you can teach me.”

I sucked in a breath as he suddenly released me. Falling to my back, I coughed as I watched him walk back to his desk and take a drink straight from the bottle. I wiped my face hurriedly while he was looking away, hiding the tears that had appeared unbidden despite my efforts.

Get up.If I stayed down, he wouldn’t take anything that had just happened seriously. Still coughing, I rolled to my side and pushed up to sitting, then my knee, then finally standing, even as black spots continued to swim in front of my vision. My hand was screaming, and if I wanted it to work again I needed to get the brace back on it as soon as possible. My clothes were twisted across my body, collar of my shirt pulling at my neck like an invisible hand. I tugged at my jacket, righting it on my shoulders, and moved to fasten it before I realized the button had been lost in our struggle.

Blood welled in my mouth, and I choked it down my throat. “One of the two women. Make your decision.”Why isn’t he saying anything?He should have thrown me out by now, for telling him to stop in addition to fighting back. Self-defense was never allowed.

“I never cave in negotiations.”

“This isn’t a negotiation,” I growled. My voice was trembling too much, but I didn’t know what else to do. I needed a drink. I needed to cut. I needed Madeline holding me while I slept. “You. Owe. Me.”

“I don’t owe you SHIT!” The entire bottle went to the ground this time, too thick to shatter but cracking and spilling clear liquor across the floor all the same.

How many times were we going to go around like this? But still, he’d let me get up. That had never happened before.

We both panted for a minute, him pacing across the floor, me occasionally wiping at the blood dripping from my nose. I needed to see a doctor or the thing would never sit right again.

He closed his eyes as he breathed deeply through his nose, then exhaled. “I don’t know where she is.”

My breath froze in my lungs. Had Madeline managed to get away? Why hadn’t she contacted me?

“No one’s seen Anita since yesterday morning, when I left to go to the office. And the GPS on her car isn’t sending a signal anymore.”

I turned to the window with a curse, my heart sinking as I ran a hand through my mussed hair. Of course he wouldn’t give up Madeline. He cared more about his revenge than even his favorite child. “And no one tailed her?”

“I’ve never felt the need to keep as close an eye on her.” He didn’t need to clarify who he did need to monitor closely. I was always the flight risk. “We’re watching her cell phone, and her credit cards, but there’s nothing. She hasn’t even withdrawn any cash.”

I swallowed thickly. She could be anywhere. “She was probably waiting for this day. She must have made plans to leave as soon as she saw the news.” That was why she went after Madeline. She hadn’t planned on being around much longer, one way or another.

“We’ll track her down eventually.”

My tie was loose; I yanked it off completely and shoved it in my pocket. “Then I want Madeline back.”

“Not happening.”

“You can trade me whenever Anita turns up.”

“I’m not a fucking idiot, Meyer. She isn’t coming back, and even if she did, you’d be long gone with Madeline by then.”

Shit.

I threw up my hands, not caring how defeated it made me look. He’d won without even trying. “Then what, Conrad? You expect me to walk out of here empty-handed?”

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