Page 68 of Atonement

Once we got in the air, I ordered us some drinks to try and calm her down, and after a quick snack she finally began to relax in the seat.

“Want to lie down?”

Her eyes widened. “What?”

I pressed a button on my seat and the back of my chair began to recline, far lower than any economy class seat, until I was nearly horizontal.

“I’ve never seen anything so amazing,” she whispered, and I had to laugh. It was too loud in the quiet cabin, Maddie pushed her hand over my mouth. “Hang on.” She moved her seat as far back as she could, then pushed down the arm rest so there was nothing between us but a small gap in the seats. Ignoring the boundary, she wiggled her way across until we were crammed together one seat. She slipped her hands around my waist, fingers playing over my spine. I thought about that first night we really slept together, in Shawn’s house after she nearly drowned, the way her bones had felt so delicate while I covered her with my body.

“You’re themostamazing,” she whispered. The cabin lights dimmed until we were left in near darkness except for the lights in the aisle. I sat up briefly to pull our curtain across the seats, to save us from some prying eyes.

“I’m nothing,” I murmured. “You’re the only reason I didn’t turn out like my dad.”And after all that, I still don’t deserve you.

“Don’t say that. You have a good heart. You would have found a way free eventually.”

I didn’t want to argue, so I kept my mouth shut. “I hope you have fun on this trip. You deserve something nice. Something to remember … what you’ve done for me.”

She sighed lightly, breath warm and feather-light on the base of my neck. I let my fingers fall through her hair, pulling loose the curls that had tangled together while she rested her head on the seat. “I have you for that.”

“Yeah.” I kissed her forehead and let my eyes fall closed. I only had a few more nights of her like this, before I changed everything, and I wanted to savor every last one of them.

Maddie

Despite sleeping on the plane, I was a total blur when we landed in a foreign country. All the signs were in a language I barely recognized, I couldn’t understand most of the people speaking around me. Through it all, Meyer held my hand firm and tight in his and led me through customs, collected our luggage, and out the door into a town car before I barely had a chance to take a breath.

I pressed my face to the window of the car as it drove through the city, searching for my first glace of those famous landmarks I’d longed to see all my life - the Notre Dame, the Eiffel Tower, and more. Meyer spoke briefly with the driver in flawless French, and before long we found ourselves in the middle of the Charles de Gaulle Etoile, circling the Arc de Triomphe three times before finally pulling off on to one of the side roads that led to our lodgings.

“The hotels were pretty much booked up, so I thought it would be nicer to have an apartment to ourselves.”

I swallowed thickly. The ‘apartment’ was at least five thousand square feet, nearly as large as Conrad’s house. The staircase to the upper levels wound through the middle of the house, but was open in the center, allowing light from the skylight five stories up to reach the bottom level. Bracing myself for a long trek up the stairs heaving my suitcase, I almost rolled my eyes when Meyer pushed a button to summon an elevator.

“You didn’t think I’d make you walk up all these stairs for a month, did you?”

“I should have known better,” I admitted, stepping into the small space with him. We barely fit with our suitcases. “This is tiny!”

“Get used to it.” He grinned and set a hand on my waist, walking back half a step so I was pressed against the side of the car. Slight vibrations ran down my spine as it started to move. “European elevators are tiny.”

His other hand was trapped between my body and the wall, but he somehow wiggled until he was able to place his fingertips against my neck. I caught my breath in my throat and coughed lightly as my entire body began to tingle in a way that had nothing to do with the movement of the elevator.

“Seems like a recipe for bad behavior.” I meant to speak normally, forcefully, but the words came out as a whisper.

“Let’s hope so.” He was still smiling as he kissed me, just as the doors of the elevator opened.

*

Meyer wanted to rest, but I was too excited. I suspected he got less sleep than me on the plane since I insisted on cuddling with him the entire time. Still, I couldn’t contain myself. I sat as patiently as I could through lunch — croque monsieurs with egg and asparagus on the side. He prepared it himself, which surprised me. In fact, I hadn’t seen any staff at the house.

“Since when do you cook?”

“I want us to have plenty of alone time while we’re here.” He frowned. “Why? Is it bad? I can hire a chef if it’s bad.”

I shook my head emphatically as I chewed the last bite of my sandwich. “Not at all. I’m just surprised. You’ve been complaining about having to cook for yourself after Joshua…” It was too difficult to finish the sentence. I had been working so hard to forget the horrible things that had happened to me. As much as I hated to admit it, having my half brother out of the picture had helped quite a bit with my recovery. I’d wanted so badly to forgive him for the part he’d played in everything that went down, but even knowing his motivation, I still harbored so much distrust for him. Bringing him up let the bad feelings surge forth again.

Meyer took my hand, snapping me out of my own head. “I’m sorry. I wanted to get you away from all that toxicity. I guess it’s hard when I’m here to always remind you of it.”

“Stop that. I don’t want to think about it.” I squeezed his hand and picked up my fork to take a bite of my egg. “I’ve forgiven you for all that, Meyer. I believe you’re a far better person now than you were when we first met. And I believe that what happened to us only served to bring us closer together.” Pushing aside my plate, I shifted in my chair to lean a little closer to him. “Let’s not talk about it anymore. Can we go on a walk?”

He smiled, but something about it seemed forced. The skin around his eyes didn’t crinkle the way it normally did, and his lips were too tight. “Let’s unpack first. I’ll wash the dishes and join you in the bedroom.”

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