Page 56 of Atonement

He swiped the cup and took a large gulp before making a face. “How do you drink that? It’s so sweet.”

I couldn’t help laughing. But deep down, it still hurt me that in the midst of his pain he was just trying to make me feel better. “Stop deflecting.”

“I’m not. But I do have to get back to work.” He handed me my drink and patted my hand. “It’ll be okay.”

“I don’t think you should quit,” I blurted out.

He blinked at me in surprise. “What? Why not?”

“If you leave, you’re just leaving this place in the hands of men who are just as focused on profits as Conrad was. You’re different now, Meyer. You know how to make things in the world better.”

“I’ve been thinking about that.” He stood from the desk and buttoned his jacket, smiling. “Follow me.”

We went to the basement. The room was empty and dark, lit only by the glow from a dozen brand new computer monitors lighting up freshly installed cubicles. The smell of sawdust still hung in the air; there had recently been construction here.

“Why are we down here?”

Meyer stepped back from me and put his hands in his pockets, beaming. “How would you like this to be your new office? I’d absorb Amnesty Abroad, but you would continue to act as an independent entity. You or whoever you designate will be involved in all business decisions and evaluate them to ensure we don’t get into this kind of situation again. And we’re going to start pulling out of deals with certain parties.”

My eyes watered. “You’re serious?”

“I can’t deny that I was influenced by the idea of having you here rather than across town. But I think it’s the right move for the company, too. There will be major pay cuts to some of the higher ups that they’re not happy about, but I managed to convince them it was a necessary move to improve our image. I’m meeting with your president tomorrow to finalize the deal.”

I jumped into his arms and laughed with relief as he hugged me. No more leaving. We could be together every day, only a few floors from each other, and we didn’t have to miss each other ever again. “This is amazing. Thank you so much.”

“Anything for you, my love.”

Meyer

The dogs started barking two days after we began digging the foundation of our new house.

Maddie convinced me to bring in dogs to find my mother’s body. I dragged my feet for weeks, trying out every excuse I could think of. I didn’t want to disturb her. Using dogs didn’t seem dignified. I was afraid of the ensuing police investigation.

“Her family misses her,” Maddie whispered to me, tugging on a lock of my hair in the dark. Wind howled outside the window, and I shuffled deeper beneath the covers. “It’ll give a lot of people closure.”

“What if they blame me?”

“They won’t,” she promised.

I wasn’t so sure.

I didn’t wake her the day they came; I got out of bed as quietly as I could but she still shifted toward me. I bundled myself in layers of flannel and down, and walked out to the lawn to meet the handlers and German Shepherds that would be searching for my mother’s body.

“Do you have any idea where we should start looking?” The lead handler smelled like day-old cigarette smoke, but she was pleasant enough as she shook my hand and followed me toward the trees.

“No. She might not even be here.” I didn’t know if I wanted that to be true or not. “But maybe the area where we’re building would be best.” I’d halted construction after fears of disturbing her body with backhoes and shovels finally broke through my fear of finding her to begin with. If I had to see my own mother’s grave, I didn’t want it to be as a pile of mismatched bones.

She grunted in agreement. “Good idea. I’ll take them that direction and then fan out from there.”

“Let me know if I can help,” I said, but she was already in the brush, and the wind threw my words into the sky.

I turned toward the house on a whim, and could just barely make out Madeline in one of the upstairs windows. She was tapping one finger on the glass lightly, then raised her hand in a wave. I lifted one hand tentatively and then turned back around. I didn’t want her to go, but I couldn’t have her gaze on me just now. I followed the sounds of the dogs into the forest.

*

With so much property to search, they checked the construction site first, but turned up nothing. I should have brought them in before we even started digging, but I couldn’t bring myself to think of it. They worked north to south, and when they found her, it was shockingly close to the place where I’d been forced to bury my dog so many years ago.

Her parents joined me first, but I heard Maddie coming long before she touched my arm. I paced with my hands in my hair, then my pockets, never stopping. Eva and Joseph were still as statues.

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