Page 53 of Atonement

“Do not bother me for at least twelve hours,” he said, and then the sound of his heavy feet on the stairs reverberated throughout the house.

I frowned after him, but Meyer rubbed my shoulders. “Let him sleep. He’s less likely to be cooperative if he’s grouchy.”

Mom grabbed Dad’s hand and pulled him from the room, mumbling about bringing food to Anita. I gasped, remembering someone else who might be hungry.

“What about—”

“Her Majesty?” Meyer grinned. “I stopped by and said hello to her yesterday. The staff have been coming out to feed her, but she’s probably starved for exercise. Let’s go put on warmer clothes and visit her.”

For me, putting on warmer clothes meant layering on another pair of Meyer’s sweatpants, and a couple of hoodies over the t-shirt I was wearing. The cold didn’t bother me as I linked arms with Meyer and we began traipsing across the property toward his house, though he seemed to shiver slightly in the wind.

“Things will get better with my dad,” I promised, my voice nearly lost in the wind.

He chuckled as he moved his arm around me, squeezing my shoulder. “I’m not so sure about that, but it’s okay.” I looked up at his worried profile, the ragged bottom lip he couldn’t stop gnawing on. We needed to get him away from this place. He turned and caught me staring, and smiled. “He’s not totally wrong. This isn’t … conventional.”

“Fuck conventional. Our lives are going to seem super boring in comparison to all this. We have the rest of our lives to fall into routines and worry about bills.”

“Well, we won’t have to worry about bills.” He leaned over and kissed me quickly, like he couldn’t help himself. “But yes to routines. Yes to boring weekends and planning trips to…” He thought for a moment. “Myrtle Beach? Is that a place normal people go for vacation?”

I giggled. “Well, I’ve never been, so I guess we’ll find out.”

“I hear it’s warm there.” He put his other hand in his pocket as his house came into view, the stable not far past it. “Maybe we’ll move south. Somewhere it never snows.”

“Would you like that?”

He was quiet for awhile as we walked up the gravel road to the stable, then finally stepped into the warmth of the barn. Her Majesty poked her head out of her stable, and began whinnying at the sight of us.

“I’ve had enough cold nights to last a lifetime.”

He watched me carefully as I put the lead on Her Majesty and led her out of the stall toward the attached pasture. Instead of going around to the outside, Meyer followed me out and leaned against the fence on the inside. I let her off the lead and she instantly took off running, sprinting to the end of the pasture and then making a sharp turn back.

“Guess she was pent up,” I said, walking over to stand next to Meyer. I snuggled up against him as we watched her run off all the energy she’d built up over the past week.

We were a little blocked from the wind on this side of the main house, and with our shared body heat he finally seemed to warm up.

“You don’t love the cold anymore,” I asked, though as the words left my mouth I realized they weren’t a question. Something had changed inside him the moment his father’s heart stopped beating. The ice around his heart was almost melted, and without that chilling his entire being he suddenly felt the external cold more acutely than ever before.

“I don’t think I ever really enjoyed it. I just got used to it.” He pulled me in front of him so that my back rested against his chest, and stuck his hands in the pocket of my hoodie where mine rested. I twined my fingers through his, tugging him tighter against me.

“Well, if you want to go somewhere warm, we can. I always hated those midwestern winters.”

“You’d have to find a new job.”

I bit the inside of my cheek. I’d been thinking that over all morning, weighing how to answer him when he inevitably asked me if I’d be willing to walk away from my heart’s passion.

“There are nonprofits everywhere.”

“But not the one you’ve poured your heart and soul into over the last year.”

“No.” Tears froze in my eyes before they could even spill over. “No, it wouldn’t be the same.”

“Then we’ll stay.”

He spun me in my arms, and I thought of the morning after I’d almost died, hours after we’d first slept together. Had that really been only a week ago? We both were entirely different people now.

“I don’t think you can handle it.”

“Have some faith in me.” He smiled without showing his teeth, bringing his cold palms to my cheeks. “We’ll destroy every structure he built and start again on the other end of the property.”

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