Page 21 of Atonement

His nostrils flared. “I gathered that. That certainly seems like a move he’d have in his wheelhouse.”

“And what solution did he come up with for saving the company that you care about more than me?”

He opened his mouth, but never got the chance to speak as the door swung open and Conrad re-entered just as Meyer took a step back from me. His father’s deep laugh reverberated through the room.

“Couldn’t stay away, could you?”

“I still consider this my property.” With a final glance at me, Meyer walked back to his father. “She looks a little worse for wear.”

“Maybe she’s been hurting herself to get back at me.”

“I doubt that very much.”

They sat again, looking for all the world like this was a normal business deal. Meyer fiddled with his tie, eyes flicking back to me ever so briefly, before grabbing the paper on the desk.

“This should work, if it goes as planned. Which it probably won’t.”

“Alexander will handle those details.”

“Then why did you bring me in? I doubt very much that you care what I think about this plan.”

“You’re right. There’s another reason I brought you here.”

“And that is?”

I expected Conrad to smile, to bare his fangs at us like a tiger waiting in the bush. But he simply cocked his head and stood, buttoning his jacket.

“Let’s go have dinner.”

Meyer

I’d been the victim of bloody noses and broken bones since I was a toddler. I learned that ice was the proper remedy for a new bruise before I could say my alphabet. But I’d never known heartache like that of watching my father lead Maddie around with a chain at her neck like a dog. It was unique to any pain Conrad had ever inflicted upon me; worse than the time I nearly blacked out at the sight of my bone poking through my skin. This sat in the center of my heart, deep in the muscle, like a fatal wound. She glared at me over her shoulder as I trailed behind them, only to stumble forward when Conrad jerked at the lead.

I’m sorry, I mouthed at her when she looked at me again, but she only shook her head at me. I knew what she was thinking.

You need to do better than that.

Three places were set at the long dining room table where I’d had every meal as a child. Regardless of whether Conrad was there to eat with me, Eva always made sure we sat down together three times a day. I could almost see her ghost leaning across the table, serving me a scoop of ice cream as a reward for a good grade on a test, then washing the bowl and spoon herself before returning them to the cabinets so Conrad never found out she’d indulged me. In the later memories, she held Anita’s tiny body in one arm as she helped me with my homework, doing her best to soothe her while still paying attention to me. Anita had been fussy from the beginning; I thought it was because even as a baby she resented being left on our doorstep like a metaphorical flaming bag of dog shit. Eva never held it against her, except to abandon her here with me to grow up with Conrad as our only parent.

I took my normal place at the table as Conrad sat Maddie across from me, then unraveled the long length of chain to attach it to a sconce. She reached immediately for the knife sitting at her place setting, but Conrad tutted as he grabbed her wrist, then squeezed her hand until she had no choice but to drop it. The knife clattered against the wood table with a dull thump.

“The instructions were clear—no knives for you.” He patted her on the head as he slid the knife down the table, far out of reach, then took his own seat at the head of the table. “Meyer, would you ring for the staff?”

I dutifully reached for the antique brass bell that sat halfway between Madeline and me, ringing it twice before stifling the sound against the table runner. Before the sound could dissipate, the doors to the dining room swung open and three servers entered with our food. For Conrad and me, rare steaks, pools of blood soaking into the mashed potatoes piled beside the meat. Madeline had a steak as well, medium rare, already cut into small bites. She glared at him, but not for long, before diving into the food.

“Manners,” Conrad said as she piled a huge dollop of mashed potatoes into her mouth while still chewing her steak.

“Bite me,” she muttered around a mouthful of food.

A piece of my own steak wedged in my throat, sending me into a coughing fit. But Conrad just laughed and shook his head fondly, as if spoiling a self-indulgent child.

“At least take the time to enjoy it, my dear. That might be the last thing you eat for a week.”

I braced myself for another retort, but the threat seemed to sober her a bit. She paused her ravenous chewing and swallowed slowly, then picked up a smaller bite on her fork.

For a few moments, the only sound in the room was that of our silverware clinking against the plates. It was easy enough to believe it was a normal family dinner except for the collar around Maddie’s neck, and the gentle sway of the chain stretching behind her to the wall. Even in the blessed quiet, I couldn’t bring myself to calm the anxiety running through my system like a persistent drug. The food was sawdust in my mouth, punctuated by the briny aftertaste of the rare meat or the overwhelming garlic in the potatoes. He knew I hated garlic. I was surprised it wasn’t in my water.

“What exactly is my incentive for agreeing to this solution that Alexander has come up with?”

---