Page 38 of Atonement

I snorted as I turned on the shower, then raised my voice to be heard over the water. “We’re on the run, Meyer. There’s no time for flirting.”

His hands landed on my hips, and I jumped a bit when his teeth met my shoulder. I didn’t even hear him get off the bed. “There’s time for everything now. We have our whole lives ahead of us.”

My eyelids fell shut as I stepped into the water and let it fall on my face, savoring the heat before Meyer reached around me and twisted it back to a more lukewarm temperature.

“I’m not leaving without her.”

“I know.”

We washed in silence, hotel soap swirling down the drain along with our sweat and blood. I kept my eyes closed as much as I could, not trusting myself to look at him. What did he want? Did that mean he was going with me to get her back?

“But I’ll take you, kicking and screaming, if that’s what it takes.”

I bit back tears as I turned off the water and stepped onto the cold tile. “You should have left me there if this was what you were going to do.”

“I told you, I wasn’t going to live with that mistake any longer than I had to. I’m not letting you go again. I don’t care if it makes you hate me.”

I jerked the cheap plastic hotel comb roughly through my hair. It snapped in two, and I slammed the pieces down on the counter. “Of course you care.”

He threw up his hands. “Fine, I do. But what else can I say, Madeline? I barely got you out of there safe. Look at you! You’re covered in bruises and bites and carved up like a goddamn Jack-O-Lantern. It makes me sick to think of what would have happened if your mom hadn’t shown up when she did.”

I jabbed a finger in his direction, stopping short of jamming in him the chest. Still, he grabbed my wrists to hold me back. “Don’t you fucking say that. My mom shouldn’t have had to come save me. That was your fucking job, Meyer. And you failed.”

There, now he was angry. He tried to tighten his grip on my wrists but I twisted and jerked away, leaving the bathroom with my hair still wet and tangled. He was hot on my heels, grabbing me and throwing me onto the bed. I braced myself for his weight, but he turned to his bag instead of climbing on top of me. When he turned back, he held in his hands the same rope he’d used to tie me to the foot of his bed when he first brought me to his home.

“No,” I said, towels falling from my body as I tried to climb off the far side of the bed, but he was already on me, holding me against the mattress. I struggled, but he didn’t give me any leeway like he did before. This time, he held me still while he wound the cord over my wrists, then secured them to the headboard. I had enough rope that I could move around a little bit, but not enough mobility in my hands to work the knot.

“You’re not going anywhere,” he sighed, averting his eyes. He didn’t sound happy about it as he climbed off me and returned to the bathroom.

“Let me the fuck up, Meyer!” He’d left me enough length that I could move around on the bed, but no further. I kicked like a child, sending the blankets to the floor.

“You need to get your head on straight. I just got you back. I’m not letting you walk back into the lion’s den. You still don’t understand what’s kind of danger he presents, especially now that he has her.”

I sat up as much as I could to see him in the bathroom, but he came out a moment later completely naked before diving into the small bag he’d brought in from the car. He raised an eyebrow at the pile of sheets on the ground as he pulled on a hair of boxers.

“Seriously? I didn’t pin you for the tantrum-throwing type.”

“You tied me to the bed!” I jerked at the bonds but it only pulled them tighter.

“Stop!” He sat next to me and grabbed my wrists, rubbing at the skin that had already started to ache. “You don’t need to hurt yourself any more.”

I paused at the concern his his voice, the same tone I heard the night Anita tried to drown me. He bit his lip as he held my hands in his, dipping his head to plant a kiss on each of my thumbs.

“I’m not doing this to hurt you, Maddie. You’re not thinking clearly, you’re stressed out, you just suffered the biggest trauma of your life and you’re acting kind of irrational. And if you go back there it won’t matter what fucking deal we struck, he’ll lock you both up…” He trailed off as he fought to gain control over his voice, looking away briefly before kissing my hands again, the ragged nails that had torn away as I scratched at his father’s grip on my body.

I couldn’t help but soften at his words. He was so clearly distressed, eyes roaming over my wounds and lingering too long on the cut on my stomach. The bandages had come off in the shower, and since it wasn’t bleeding and didn’t seem to need stitches I hadn’t bothered to look for anything to replace them. His fingers touched the wound, running along the length of it as if trying to seal it.

“This may scar,” he said softly. “You’ll have to look at it forever.”

I maneuvered my hands to grab his. “It’s not a big deal. I have other scars.”

“The one on your back.” He looked away from my stomach to meet my eyes. “I touched the night…” He closed his eyes and swallowed.

“I had cancer.”

His eyes flew open. “What?”

My hands squeezed his fingers as I smiled. “They removed it all. I got lucky, catching it early. But I have to be careful spending time in the sun.”

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