Page 30 of Atonement

“I should have come directly to you first, Conrad. That’s what you really wanted, right? What this whole ordeal has been about?”

“This was about punishing you.”

“No. It was about getting me back.” She unbuttoned her jeans and shimmied them down her legs along with her underwear before kicking them to the side. They landed in a pile with her shirt. “Well, I’m here.”

Conrad’s hand stroked my stomach, reopening the cut that had just begun to clot, smearing blood across my skin. “You have a rather high opinion of yourself.”

She took one step forward, then stopped. Her chest rose and fell too fast, nostrils flaring as she struggled to breathe. And then, she finally looked at me. Our eyes met and my tears fell over, falling down my face as fast as the blood on my stomach.

“Mommy, no, it’s okay.” I could barely support myself, my knees buckling under my own weight, but Mom took another step. Then another. And then she was standing in front of both of us, eyes still on me for a moment longer, her body sure and resolute as she looked away from me and back to Conrad.

“Let my daughter go, Conrad. Meyer too. You have me for as long as you want me. I’ll do whatever you want. I won’t fight back. And I’ll never leave you again.”

I was a slobbering mess, barely able to see through my tears, much less breathe around the cement that seemed to have filled my throat and lungs. “Mom, please don’t, it’s not that bad, I can’t—”

“Joshua, go get Meyer.”

I barely looked at Joshua as he nodded and went down the hallway, focusing instead on my mother. I had never in my life seen anyone stand as tall and proud as she did in that moment, stripped naked before the man who stole her childhood, ready to give up the rest of her life as well. She looked at Conrad with all the courage in the world, the spirit I’d always thought I had in myself until the man currently holding me had ground it to dust beneath his heel.

Heavy footsteps ran down the hallway, then Meyer burst into the room.

“Maddie?”

I closed my eyes rather than look at him. I might not be able to escape his voice, but I didn’t have to look at him. This was his fault. If only he’d held on to me the way he promised, we wouldn’t be here now.

Mom’s voice was steady. “Take her out of here, Meyer.”

This wasn’t what I meant when I said I’d do anything. “No, I won’t go, I can’t leave you.”

But Conrad had already let go of me and was shoving me forward, so I fell to my hands and knees in front of my mom. I grabbed her ankles, pulled myself up so I could see her, but she wasn’t looking at me. She was looking at him.

“When she walks out of here, this is over. You never look for her again. And in return, I’ll be yours forever.”

“What does your husband have to say about this little arrangement?”

I choked back a sob and wrapped my arms around my mom’s legs, hugging her as Meyer’s footsteps sounded on the floor. He crouched in front of me, pulling at my hands, but I held on to her tighter than I had to anyone ever before.

“He knows what’s at stake. We’re in agreement.”

Meyer’s hands gripped mine tighter, prying my fingers away from my arms to untangle me from my mom’s legs.

“No, I won’t let you, this can’t be what happens.” I clawed at my own mother’s skin as Meyer pulled me back and into his arms, lifting my dead weight off the floor. Mom stepped forward, and Conrad’s hand snatched out to grab her.

“There’s no going back from this, Eva.”

“I know.”

“NO!” I fought, kicking and punching in an attempt to free myself, but Meyer held me still.

“It’s done, Maddie. We have to go.”

“She’s my mother, Meyer! Mom! You can’t!” I looked around wildly, from Conrad to my mother to Meyer and back again, but no one was paying attention to me. I found myself staring at my mother’s back as Meyer dragged me out the door, and then it slammed, and I couldn’t see them at all.

Meyer

I screamed as loud as I could once he tore her from my arms, though I knew no one could hear me. The room was sound proof for a reason. Still, I howled until my throat seemed to bleed just as much as my neck where the collar cut into my skin. No matter how hard I pulled at the chain and the hook connecting it to the wall, there was no freeing myself. Dozens of girls had figured that out long before me. But I couldn’t not try. I’d die first.

When Joshua unlocked me from the collar, I was on him in a second. I didn’t care if he hurt me, broke my bones, there was nothing keeping me from getting to her. There had to be a way to keep this from happening. I clawed at his eyes with both hands, and even with his superior strength he was unable to hold me back.

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