Page 25 of Atonement

We didn’t go to the foyer, but kept walking back to the study. Conrad pushed me forward into the room, then emphasized his displeasure by slamming the heel of his hand against my back. I hit the floor on all knees again as the doors banged shut behind us.

“Get up. You’re depressing me.”

I started to rise, only to be knocked down again with a foot between my shoulder blades. My teeth cut into my lower lip, and I tasted blood.

“I said—”

“I heard what you said.” With Madeline out of the house, I felt a new surge of courage. The worst way he could hurt me was no longer an option.

He was too far across the room at that point to retaliate, but he glared at me as he reached into his desk drawer to pull out that ever-present bottle of gin.

“Mouthy tonight, aren’t we? I much prefer you groveling. Reminds me of when you were a child.”

I scrambled to my feet before he could get back across the room to me.

"You know, I'm glad she got out. Because whether Joshua finds her and drags her back here by her hair, or she freezes to death out there in the cold, both of you will finally know that there is no getting out. Ever."

I backed toward the door as he drank deeply from the bottle, but he had his eyes on me the entire time. He put down the bottle and drew one hand across his mouth.

"Take one more step and I'll pull out every last one of your teeth."

"You have nothing keeping me here anymore," I said. I couldn't be more than ten steps from the door, but I was too afraid to look over my shoulder and take my eyes off my father. "I have no reason to put up with this abuse. She’s gone. She won’t come back, not for me. You have nothing that can hurt me.”

He laughed derisively as he came toward me, matching the step for step. "Abuse? I disciplined you like any good father would. And look what you got because of it. A high-ranking position in a Fortune 100 company, all the money you could ever need, and professional respect that no one could buy."

"You broke my brain," I spat at him. "I can't go a single fucking day without wanting to kill myself or everyone around me. I should have brought a gun to the office and shot you at your desk long ago." Reaching behind me, I tensed as my hand met the wood of the door. I fumbled for the handle. "There's nothing keeping me here anymore."

He struck at the same time that I turned the handle. Even though I knew intimately his speed and usual manner of movement, he still always caught me off guard. Maybe it was some part of my brain that insisted I let him do to me whatever he wanted; a deeply ingrained predisposition for obedience that had become a permanent part of my psyche. His fist glanced off my cheekbone. I had a wild moment thinking,at least it's not the bat.

Fight back,I told myself, and lunged.

He wasn't expecting me to retaliate, not after I'd given up so easily earlier in the dining room. He grunted as my shoulder caught him in the stomach, but remained standing. His big hands closed around my neck as he lifted me off him and throttled me.

"That bitch has ruined you," he growled. "She was supposed to toughen you up, give you that final push you needed to become the heir I always wanted."

"I'm sorry I disappointed you." I struck at his face, landing a hard blow against his jaw that forced him to loosen his grip around my neck, and I was able to slip free. I sprinted for the door. My priorities were all wrong. Now was not the time to be duking it out with my father. I needed to get Madeleine, get in a car, get the fuck out of here.

Instead of heading for the foyer, I took the long way around to the garage. Conrad's footsteps faded behind me, and I knew I'd caught him off guard with my decision. He thought that I was lovesick enough to go straight for Madeleine. But I had to keep my head on straight if I wanted to get us both out of here. I just needed her to survive long enough for me to catch up with her.

There was no fight this time around. As I turned the corner that would take me two the garage so I could grab a car and make my escape, I suddenly lost control of my limbs. I was no longer moving forward; instead my back went stiff as a rod and I was suddenly falling backward, the walls reeling around me like I was on a carnival ride. Ringing in my ears, the crackle of a stun gun.

Seconds felt like years as I lay frozen on the ground, waiting to feel like I had control of my own self once more. It was like the worst nightmare I'd ever experienced, but when it was over and I was able to move again, I found that reality was no better. Conrad crouched next to me, his smile almost sad as he held up a metal ring and then lowered it beyond my line of sight.

"Did you think I wouldn't have contingencies in place?” His face was a shade of crimson deeper than blood as he screamed, spittle flying into my open eyes. I had no recourse to defend myself. “We are far from over, Meyer. We are just getting fucking started."

The collar that had once sat around Madeleine's neck closed around mine; the click of the latch echoed in my ears with resounding finality. Every thing I'd tried, he'd always been one step ahead of me. I wanted to keep fighting, I really did, but it all felt so hopeless. I had nothing left to give. He'd won.

I didn't bother to fight as he dragged me upstairs through the hallways that I'd known so well as a child and into the area of the house I've never been permitted to enter. Conrad's personal wing. I didn't feel any joy in finally getting to see the rooms I'd always wondered about as a child. This was where I was going to die. I was sure of it.

"You'll get the same treatment as her. Maybe you'll find that romantic." Conrad yanked me against a wall and latched the chain around a hook on the wall that looked like it had been specifically made for this purpose. The food in my stomach threatened to make a reappearance as I thought of all the women who must have spent their time in this room, wondering when they would next get to eat or get a full nights sleep without being interrupted by my father. How many bodies were buried on this property, young girls who never got to see their families again after being taken in by the charismatic man before me?

"I hate you," I muttered under my breath.

"Good." He patted my head before walking toward the door. "At least you have the guts to say it to me now.”

He left no lights on in the room. I sat in the darkness, feeling like it was imbuing itself in my very pores. However Madeleine had managed to get out of this collar wasn't a possibility for me. There was nothing in this room for me to use to pick the lock. I tried to count the seconds, but lost track after ten minutes. All I could feel was the hard floor; the only sound was my own breath.

The light in the hallway clicked on.

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