But it wasn't about that. It was about being recognized and having people know that I could do the work and I deserved the promotion. And the raise that went along with it.
"So, what, they're just passing you over when it comes time to hand out promotions?"
I shrugged. "Sometimes. This is supposed to be my big break, you know. If I can turn things around for Kevin Porter, it will be enough that they can't keep overlooking me. And if they do, I could probably get in with any other firm in town."
"Am I that important?" he asked.
I shrugged again. "You're a big name. You know that."
He didn't do the false modesty thing, which I was grateful for because I didn't have the energy to deal with that.
"I hope it helps, at least," he said. "You deserve to be recognized for how hard you work."
I ducked my head, horrified to feel myself blushing. It must have been the wine. But still, it was nice to hear that. Especially from someone who understood the value of hard work. That was always something we'd had in common.
"I've thrown so much of myself into this job," I continued. "So it would be nice to get something back, you know? To have something to show for it. It's not like I have much else."
I didn't mean to let that slip out, but the wine and the comfortable atmosphere had me saying all kinds of things, apparently. Usually when people asked, I told them I was fine with how my life was. I didn't need other things to be happy.
And Kevin was the worst person to be admitting things like that to.
"I know how that is," he said, and I glared at him.
"Sure you do."
"I do," he said, and for once there was no grin or smirk on his face. He just looked sincere. "I mean, for a while now all I've had is the game. I've dedicated my life to it, and yeah, I knew going in it was going to be the kind of thing where it was all or nothing, but that doesn't mean I don't wish I had more."
"You have friends, though," I pointed out. "And a million admirers."
He shrugged. "Sure. But that's not always enough. And none of those admirers know me at all. I mean, you see how fast a bunch of them turned on me as soon as Christine started lying to the press. It's all fickle as hell, and as soon as they catch you slipping, they go in for the kill."
Working in public relations and publicity, I knew he was right. Fans could make or break a celebrity, and they watched them with a fanatical zeal that turned into a nightmare if it got bad enough.
I couldn't blame Kevin for being upset about that.
"Is that why you party so much?" I asked him. "Because you're looking for fulfillment?"
He finished his own glass before acknowledging he'd heard my question at all.
"Is that why you work so much?" he shot back, which was completely fair.
I considered telling him to fuck off because it wasn't any of his business, but that would be hypocritical, considering I'd asked him first.
So instead I sighed and finished my steak. "Maybe. It's something I can control. Something I can do that I know will work out for me, without the added complication of feelings and other people." I made a face, immediately regretting being so candid with him. "I've been drinking too much," I muttered. "I don't even know what I'm saying."
He just smiled, looking at me with warm eyes. "You're beautiful when you're not so in your head, you know," he said, and then stopped like he was considering something. "And even when you are, actually."
I just rolled my eyes at him. "Don't start. I might have had a couple glasses of wine, but that doesn't mean I'm going to turn into one of those women who can't wait to get naked in a hot tub with you. I'm not that easy."
To my surprise, he just laughed. "Believe me, I know," he said. "You're a much harder sell than that, and I respect that about you. You don't give a damn if I'm Kevin Porter, baseball star. I can always depend on you to keep my ego in check."
For some reason that had me blushing again, and I considered another glass of wine before firmly cutting myself off. I had to work the next day, and I was already feeling too loose and comfortable as it was. I had to keep my wits about me.
Kevin was still too handsome and charming for me to feel comfortable lowering my guard that much around him. I didn't need any more complications.