And slowly, my sobs died down. The man didn’t love me, no, but he cared about me in some small way, some way that meant something to both of us. And so I sat silently for a while, occasionally hiccupping as he stroked my back, murmuring wordless sounds against my ear, like I really was a little girl coming off a hard cry.
“No worries baby,” he growled soothingly, breath warm against my ear. “Just relax, Daddy says relax.”
And despite the fact that I’d wanted him so badly, desperate for another taste, there had been so many emotions rushing through my brain that I was exhausted, the energy drained from my form, leaving me limp and tired.
“Ohhh,” I murmured, eyes closing drowsily, leaning against him, my face burrowed in the crook of his neck. “Mmmm.”
And Mr. Parker merely shushed me again.
“Sleep baby, take a nap,” he growled, still rubbing my back, soothing me like an overexcited child. And with another nod, another limp sigh, I gave in and let the grey haze overtake me. There were so many confusing emotions, currents running in opposite directions, cross-currents conflicting with already existing cross-currents. Yes, Mr. Parker was my dad’s oldest friend, but was that good or bad? On the one hand, it was great that he was a known entity, someone to be trusted. But that was the exact problem. My parents trusted him to be a gentleman with me, and the things we’d done were nothing close to gentlemanly.
But I wanted it, I wanted to be with the alpha male, to give myself over to his caresses, to float in a deep sea with Rob at my side. And so what if he was twenty years older? More years means more experience right? And experience makes for a balanced approach, a level outlook, and yet Rob argued that our age gap was surmountable, impossible to overcome. So I was absolutely confused and bewildered, exhausted like a mouse in a maze with nowhere to go, darting left and right, coming up against walls non-stop. The only thing I could do now was sleep … to let my mind drift and hope that when I woke something would be different.