Page 97 of Falling for my Brother's Best Friend

“I’m attracted to you, clearly. But the best way I can describe why I like you is to say that I see you. You’ve captured my attention since I was fourteen. True, back then it was probably teenage lust, but somewhere, that lust turned into more. And then when you moved in, all these emotions and feelings made me feel like I was drowning. I didn’t know how to handle them. They came out as me challenging you and maybe picking on you at times. So when you ask me why I like you, it’s a hard question for me to answer. It’s like asking why the sun rises in the morning. It just does. It’s how it was meant to be.”

She twists on the bench to face me.

I can’t stop myself from brushing her hair behind her ear. “That’s the best answer I have. But I have to say that you underestimate the woman you are. You’re so much more than you give yourself credit for. I think somewhere, you lost sight of what you love. Once you find that and fight for it, you’re going to be happier.”

“When did you get so smart?” she asks in a soft voice, and I chuckle. “Can I ask you another question?”

“Yeah.” I’m wondering if she’ll ever not have one to ask.

“What’s the story with Slim? And Nina? All the other girls? How many women have you slept with?”

I knew this was one of her hang-ups about ever dating me. I don’t want to lie to her, but my past is my past and bears no weight on the future I’d have with her. “Let’s start with Slim.”

She nods, waiting expectantly as if I’m telling her a fairy tale. There’s no happily ever after with this one though.

“When Rome went to Europe and Denver was busy getting his pilot’s license, I found myself alone a lot. Smokin’ Guns was already off the ground. That summer was when I bought my bike and started riding regularly. Slim was the first person I met. I hung out with that crew and met Nina through them, but things went south fast. They were into some shitty things, the least of which was intimidation and picking fights. It wasn’t my scene. Nina loved it, so we broke up. Though I’d bet money she was already sleeping with Slim before we were over.”

“Why didn’t you hang out with Austin or some of the other guys from school?”

I sigh. “You and Austin had your hands full, and a lot of our friends were finding their way, just like Rome and Denver. Getting involved with that crew was a mistake. Kathy is the one who showed me they couldn’t be trusted and that they weren’t the kind of people I wanted in my circle. I jokingly called her Mom once, and she kept the joke going.”

She slides closer and looks around before putting her hand on my leg. “Thanks for your honesty.”

“Don’t thank me yet.” She retracts her hand, but I reach for it. “I’ve had women. Probably not as many as you suspect, but I’ve had periods of my life when I wasn’t looking for a relationship and took what I could get—which was quite a lot. I’m not proud of it, but I never told a lie to get a woman to sleep with me. If you’re with me, you have to be okay with my past.”

I hold my breath as she looks away. I could’ve skated around the topic, and months ago I would’ve done just that, but I want to be the best version of myself for this woman. A man she’s proud to stand next to.

“Okay, that’s sort of the answer I was expecting. I don’t like it, but it’s in the past. I’m not going to let it affect the present.”

I squeeze her hand, feeling as if the weight of a glacier has been lifted off of me.

“I want you to know something too.” She puts her other hand over mine. “I see you. I’m scared shitless, but I see you. These past few weeks, everything you’ve done for me, the time you’ve taken, I see it all and I appreciate it more than I can say. But I’m a bit of a hot mess and nearly broke in front of Denver a few weeks ago.”

Ah, that makes sense now. “He told me you were emotional because you had your period. I wondered.”

She rolls her eyes. “He freaked. I thought he was going to start screaming your name because he didn’t know how to handle me. I want to find the pieces of myself that I lost. I want to see myself how you do. And I’m getting there, I think. But right now, public affection makes me uncomfortable.”

Of course it does, and I’m a PDA junkie. I’m not going to go screwing her in broad daylight in the middle of the town square, but I want the hand-holding, the kissing whenever I want. I want the luxury of displaying affection toward the woman I’m falling for. But if I give her time, I know she’ll turn around. Look how far she’s already come.

“You want me to keep my hands in my pockets at all times?”

“Maybe until I feel more comfortable?” Her voice is small and reserved, as though she thinks I’m going to be mad at her.

“I really hate this. At some point, you have to stop worrying what people think and live your life for yourself.” I stand, stuffing my hands into my pockets. “But I’ll go along with it for now. Ready?”

She stands and sighs, but I’m not sure how she expects me to react. I want everyone in this damn town to know she’s mine, but she keeps finding reasons to keep us hidden.

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