Page 28 of Unbreak My Heart

That’s all I want.

“I’m ready to listen.”

Gael goes to stand, but glances back at his plate. I look as well, and there’s still food on his plate.

“Let’s have breakfast first and talk later,” I say, because I want him to be well fed.

His shoulders relax as if a huge weight has been taken away, and I’m glad I decided to wait. It’ll give him time to find the words to share his story with me. A story, I’m sure, that’s not pretty, and will probably break my heart even more.

Also, it’ll give me time to prepare for whatever’s coming, because even if I may not like it, I’ll have to accept his decision and his choices.

I pick my fork up as well, but when I put the eggs in my mouth, they taste like ash.

Chapter Twelve

Gael

The questions have come sooner than I thought.

I could ask Cammy to wait until I’m better, but there’s no point, because my words, my choices, and my mistakes won’t change.

I’m sure he won’t throw me out, even if he doesn’t like whatever I have to say, but I was hoping to be in a better situation before we had this conversation. I was hoping to have the perfect words to win him back and show him how much I want to be with him. In the end, however, it doesn’t matter. What matters is me opening up, sharing whatever I have to share, and hoping Cameron will understand why I had to make the choices I did.

When I’m full, so much so that I can’t even breathe without my stomach feeling like it’s going to explode, I put my fork down and lean back against the chair, attempting to make space.

“Tea?”

“Yes, please,” I reply. I’m not trying to delay the inevitable, but tea will help settle my stomach. And maybe my nerves as well. I don’t want to be sick while we talk, because it’ll make Cammy feel guilty.

I watch him move around the kitchen. The grace he used to have when we were in school is still there, but it’s different in some ways. It’s as if he has finally accepted—no, that’s not right—it’s more like, he’s comfortable in his own skin and ready to make everyone aware of who he really is. There’s no hesitation, no shame, no hiding. There’s only Cammy and his beauty. It’s like he’s saying to the world, ‘I am who I am and if people don’t like it, they can look the other way.’ He was always strong, but now he looks indomitable. There are no apologies, only pride. Pride in everything he is.

He’s always been out, loud, and proud, but those bullies planted the seed of doubt in him. I’m happy to see that it never sprouted. I’m glad that instead, he let the best of him blossom and make this world better.

What I did to him, on the other hand, is clear to see.

He was always open with me. We were opposite sides of a penny, so different, but always joined together. Always inseparable. But while he allowed me to help him, I never shared what my life was like away from him. The time has come, and I’m glad we’re here, but not happy about what I did when and after I left.

“Let’s move to the sofa. It’ll be easier on your body.”

I rise slowly, trying not to aggravate my ribs too much, but still I can’t stop the hiss of pain from passing through my lips.

“We don’t have to do it now,” Cameron is quick to say. Always the nurse when someone’s sick. I’m glad that hasn’t changed either.

“I’m good,” I say, and nearly laugh at his yeah-right look.

“Take your time getting there. I’ll clean the table in the meantime.” He doesn’t give me time to reply as he’s already moving around, putting stuff away, and placing the dirty plates and cutlery into the dishwasher.

I watch him for a few seconds, but staying on my feet isn’t good for me, so I slowly make my way to the sofa. I fight the need to stay there, to keep my eyes on him, for fear of losing him while I’m not watching. But it’s an idiotic thought, because that’s what I did to him.

Using the armrest to lower myself down slowly, I let out a sigh of relief when the pain doesn’t flare too much. I relax against the cushions while listening to Cameron tidying up. I wish I could let the comforting sounds lull me to sleep, but Cammy deserves better than finding me asleep on his sofa. He’ll think I’m running away again. Instead, I want him to know that I want to stay, to be here. And I want him to trust me again.

Dreams.

Maybe. Between my situation, and whatever rightful resentment Cameron has towards me, all my wishes could be dreams. But I want to believe that our reunion happened at Christmas, and when I needed him the most, for a reason. It’s a gift. A gift I’m not going to throw away. A gift I’m going to fight for with teeth and claws.

I need to find the right words to explain.

“Are you okay?”

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