Page 60 of Free Fall

Jesse shoved me aside to get into the house first, making me yelp and bump into his brother, then his dad. “We need a bigger house if you mammoths are gonna be frequent visitors,” I grumbled.

“I’ll buy us a fucking mansion, Zel,” Luca commented, his hand landing on my hip. Instant tingles.

Cole snorted and shook his head. “Where’s Avery?” he asked, his voice all low and caveman-like. Poor Avery always looked stalked when Cole was around, his reactions like a meerkat on crack, jumpy and unsettled.

I rolled my eyes. “In the kitchen.” Sorry Avery. Cole skulked away to find the object of his weird obsession. He never said anything, but we all saw the way he watched my friend. It was obsessive, compulsive. I don’t think he even knew he was being so obvious. It was an open joke between everyone but him.

While the loss of the two Diaz twins released some of the tension, an extra heat formed when Luca and I were alone. There was no denying he’d been making a genuine effort, and it wasn’t like love-bombing either, no dazzling me with lavish gifts and grand statements. He was making himself useful in a quiet way, picking up slack and getting to know our life. There was something more going on. With Luca there always was, but I was trying hard to accept the man before me, to let go of the one I used to know.

This Luca didn’t act selfish or demanding, he didn’t mess with people’s minds and lives. Or he tried not to, anyway. Our eyes locked, and I smiled at him. His fingers brushed my jaw, and he sighed.

“I want to kiss you,” he said. “Tell me why I can’t.”

I tried to. Excuses and reasons rolled through my head. I tried to tell him I didn’t want him to, but that was a lie. His lips set me on fire and doused my pain all at once. I wanted it. Him. But I stepped away, removing myself from the heat of his body.

“You can’t.”

His jaw flickered with tension. “Not good enough.”

He grabbed my chin and crashed his mouth to mine. Instinct told me to meet it, to kiss him back just as hard, but I fought against him instead. I didn’t return the kiss. Even when his tongue probed into my mouth, I didn’t meet it with my own.

“Zelda,” he growled against my lips. “Kiss me.”

“No, Luca…” I breathed, so close to caving. “It’s not enough. Not yet.”

He stopped kissing me, rested his head on mine instead. His eyes squeezed shut and he cupped my cheeks, holding me still. Our noses grazed together, my tiny piercing there poking into my septum, making my eyes water. Our eyelashes brushed, our breaths mingled. He didn’t kiss me again.

I failed to notice Leo was near until his little hand touched my thigh. “Mamma?” his high voice said, and I gulped back a sob, the tension between me and his father shattering as I broke contact and bent, scooping up my son.

“Just give me a second,” Luca implored when I turned to leave, Leo’s fingers twirling through my hair.

I looked at Luca in confusion, but when he opened his arms out, I knew what he wanted. It was easy to return to his embrace, to let him hold us, kiss our heads and squeeze us tight. These two were my heart. Luca had shattered it and Leo had reconstructed it. The pieces hadn’t glued back together just right, but it was good enough.

“Squeeze cuddle!” Leo shrieked, his chubby hands wrestling free from between our bodies to wrap around both mine and Luca’s necks. I laughed, a tear falling from my eyes. Shit. How could I want anything but this? The man that was responsible for half of Leo was a twisted son of a fucker, but he was ours anyway. I resolved in that moment to truly forgive him. To make it work. To open my heart up for shattering again.

Leo left a line of dribble on both our foreheads as he clambered from me to Luca, squirming so he was on his dad’s shoulders. Luca looked light, at ease, and bounced the way that made Leo laugh til he snorted.

I nodded, and Luca smiled.

“What’s his name?” Cole demanded, pointing his fork at Avery. Seren had been telling a story about their weekend. They’d headed downtown for the bars and met a guy whose house they’d stayed at. Seren implied Avery had hooked up with him, and Cole had seen red.

“Uh,” Avery blustered, looking anywhere but at the angry man opposite him.

We reached dessert with little grief. Everything had been polite and damn wholesome, if you ask me. Leo was surrounded by his brothers and the four adults that adored him more than any others. There was a place on my imaginary family table for my parents, my sister, but this was enough for now.

The kid had fallen asleep in his chocolate pudding not five minutes ago, and Luca volunteered for bedtime duty. I relished it, pouring myself another glass of wine and settling in for the drama brewing. I had work in a few hours, taking up a last-minute slot after a dancer called in sick. Hadn’t told Luca yet, though. After he’d confessed he’d been there for most of my performances, I’d felt strange about it. It was something of my own, but he’d weaseled his way in. I was trying to figure out whether I cared. Whether I wanted him in every bit of my space, my life. My mind bellowed yes, let him consume us — it was how we’d started after all. Did I really want distance between us?

“Tell me his fucking name,” Cole repeated.

“Cole,” Jesse said, placing a hand on his twin’s forearm. “Chill out.”

Cole radiated rage, it poured off him like steam, swirling around the table until it reached Avery’s nostrils and made him squeak. What a weird dynamic.

“No. I want to know his name.” Cole glared at his twin.

“Holy shit,” Seren muttered to herself, fanning her hand in front of her face, looking at Avery. I felt like I was intruding. They all looked at each other while I watched, sipping my wine and trying to pick apart whatever the hell was going on. I hadquestions.

Deciding to break the tension, I stood and began gathering dishes. Cole huffed another one of his big dragon sighs and snatched up all the plates near him, stacking them with way more aggression than was necessary.

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