Page 40 of Free Fall

Dr. Sterling looked between us, trying to take my cue, a look in his eye showing me he was aware he’d messed up. Though it wasn’t his fault my mother had no sense of decency - I could have been butt naked behind here for all she knew, but she’d swanned in, anyway. Mom continued to look at me for an explanation, her eyes all watery.

Bite the bullet, Zel.

“Because I’m pregnant. Thanks drunken night for realizingthatlittle truth.”

Mom’s face sank, whitened. Dad was there then, coming up behind Mom, asking what was happening, what was wrong. Doctor Sterling gave me his card with an apology and told me to get in touch as soon as possible. I needed tests, checks,scans.

I wanted to be a mother one day, had even considered doing it young so we could have a long life together, but I wasn’t ready. Not for this. Not for what it represented. For how much worse it made everything. I thought about Luca, about how I would tell him. Admit it. He was in his forties, his children were grown, he was going through a divorce — though I’d seen no damn sign of that happening yet.

Mom and Dad argued amongst themselves, Dad calm while Mom freaked out, acting like I was an idiotic teenager coming off her first bender and not a twenty-three-year-old. I just watched them, imagining Luca and me in their shoes, parents of a fuck up. Because that’s all this child could be.

I put my hand on my stomach, the same one Luca had kissed with so much tenderness it made my heart ache. My mind ran back to biology class, twenty-four weeks meant the baby was formed in there, all limbs and features in place, just getting bigger, fattening up for the shit show that awaited it. A baby sat in my womb, waiting in the cozy comfort to ruin everything even more than their mother already had.

Shit.

Jules stared at my stomach when I got up from the sofa. I rolled my eyes, my mom had promised not to tell anyone for a few days, but it was obvious that courtesy hadn’t extended to immediate family. That meant Luca must know. Dad would have told him for sure. But that didn’t seem right. He would have come, wouldn’t he? All his talk of leaving his cum in me, making me walk around stuffed full of him… well, it had fucking worked, hadn’t it? So why wasn’t he here? Busting down the door, demanding to see me, pressing for answers and ignoring all protests…

I’d been home from the hospital for a few quiet nights. The bandage was gone from my head and the brain fog was clearing in tiny increments. All I was left with now was this growth. I didn’t hate it, the baby, but it felt invasive. Insidious. I had sixteen weeks to sort my shit out on that front.

“It’s still flat,” Jules said when she caught me looking at her with a raised eyebrow.

I shrugged. “I’ve heard when you don’t know you’re pregnant, your belly forgets to pop out.” It was bullshit, but she was annoying me. “Or maybe the baby is eating my organs rather than pushing out of my skin.”

Jules frowned. She was twenty, in her second year of college, and far more innocent than me. Her eyes didn’t leave my stomach, like she was using x-ray vision to see inside. See the creature bobbing about in my womb.

Life had gone back to a fake normal in the Summers’ house, though. Mom was in the backyard enjoying the spring warmth, Dad was at work. He’d been so good to me since finding out, laughing about becoming a grandad so young. Mom had a new coldness about her. She said she was sad for me, that was all, but it seemed like more. Either way, despite the incessant pestering, I wasn’t telling them who the father was.

He could rot, as far as I was concerned. Burn in hell or swim with the fucking sharks. I fought with the urge to need him. To hunt him down and slap him for doing this to me. No one had told him. If they had, I… I don’t know what he’d do, how he’d handle it. This baby was a bomb in my stomach. Would it come out looking like him? Would they see pictures of the twins as babies and connect the dots? Was it even something Luca would want to be involved in?

I wished for the brain fog back. Another minor concussion to let me shirk responsibilities for longer.

Jules spun around with a huff at my gross remark and turned the TV volume up, dismissing me. Rolling my eyes, I took myself off to the kitchen. I had no real symptoms. I already missed my periods because of the contraceptive injection, and though I’d been a little queasy over the last few weeks, that wasn’t unusual. And yeah, no bump yet.

While the coffee percolated, I thought back on all the reckless moments I’d had over the last five-ish months. The aerial gymnastics, the insane sex with Luca, the heavy drinking and partying. Dr. Sterling told me not to sweat it when I called to book my appointment in, but the guilt went nowhere, making my chest clench. If I’d been a little more switched on, we might not be in this mess.

We. Baby and me. No other ‘we’ to have. My traitorous heart squeezed like it was shouting at me to sort my life out.

Later, our family of four sat around the dining table, picking over the spaghetti I’d made. Mom appeared seconds from crying, Dad had a quiet rage, Jules looked perturbed. I shoved a forkful in my maw and chewed obnoxiously.

“This is good,” Dad said, the tension rolling off him. Maybe it had hit him at last. He’d been in a bad mood since coming home from work this evening, storming around the house without a smile to be found for any of us. Had he spoken to Luca?

“Thanks,” I replied with my mouth full. Mom scowled at me some more. “I, er, I’m gonna get out of your hair tomorrow. Go back to college. The dorms. Not like I can take the sleeping pills anymore, so may as well get back to normal…” I winced. Normal for me now involved sneaking around with Luca. I was so desperate to ask about him. “I’m not…I’m not sure what is gonna…”

Mom slammed her fork on the table, making Jules jump and my mouth snap shut.

“Delilah, stop,” Dad admonished her. They glared at each other, seeming about to explode based on how red their faces were getting.

“What is it?” I asked. “Why are you both looking so,more,freaked out?”

“Cole told us,” Dad said.

My heart stopped. My entire body ceased functioning for a beat, and it felt like my stomach was about to drop out of my asshole. “What?” I managed, my voice too low, too calm. Jules continued to appear absolutely baffled, but my world was closing in. The room grew darker, duller, and I had to grip the table’s edge.

“He told us he’s the father, that you two have been… for months.”

I blinked at my dad, taking in the words he just said. He, who? “Huh?”

“Your baby, it’s Coles,” Dad said, nodding his head toward my middle. “We know. You don’t have to keep up the lie anymore. He manned up.”

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