Page 35 of Free Fall

“Will you come and sleep in my dorm?” she asked. “It’s only a few minutes away.”

My chest squeezed. I pushed it aside. “No,” I told her. “As it’s only a few minutes away, you can get yourself there.”

The warmth snuck in. The need to comfort and protect her as something more than a family friend. She wasn’t Zelly, my best friend’s daughter. She was Zelda, fuck buddy, puppet. The two couldn’t mix again.

I dressed in silence, and left without looking back, ignoring the soft sob I heard just before the door slammed shut.

“Where the hell have you been?” Ali was on me as soon as I walked through the front door.

“It’s 3am, woman. What the hell are you doing up?” I wasn’t in the mood for this, was going to say something I regretted if she didn’t let up.

Alison sat up from the sofa, the red wine in her glass sloshing over. “Jet lag, you fucker. Delilah said Henry was out too — did you go to a fucking sex club again? Already? What iswrongwith you?”

I stank of fornication. Of lube and cum and sweat. She would only need to take a few steps closer to me to know that. And I didn’t care. I charged at her, shoving her onto the sofa and straddling her. The wine glass in her hand tumbled, the red liquid soaking into the cream fabric. With a growl, I kissed her hard, pressing my tongue and teeth against hers.

“You taste that?” I asked against her mouth. “You taste the pussy, the ass, the cum?” I licked her lips when she squirmed and shrieked, trying to get away. She tried to slam her mouth together, to stop me from getting in. Tears poured from her. “You want to suck my dick, too? Really get to know the insides of the woman I’ve just fucked? Tell me Ali.”

“Stop!” she yelped, sobbing now. Scratching at me. I kept her pinned, enjoying the way her body was trying to throw mine about.

Just as quickly as I started, I jumped off her, standing back, surveying the damage I continued to leave in my wake. I had never done something as overt as that, never shoved my exploits so far down her throat. It felt damn good. Fuck her. She swiped at her face, wiping Zelda away. God damn, what was wrong with me?

“Shit,” I mumbled, stepping away again and nearly colliding with the coffee table. Alison glared up at me, her eyes so full of rage and disgust it made her ugly. Ugly like me, with our fucked up minds and disgust for each other, it was only ugliness left for us now. A lot passed between us in those moments. Twenty-four years spent together, over, ruined. Done.

I marched up the stairs, grabbed a pair of sweats and a shirt from my bedroom drawer, took my toothbrush from the bathroom, and locked myself in Jesse’s room. I would not share a bed with that woman ever again.

Showering, brushing my teeth, dressing in fresh clothes; none of it did anything to ward away Zelda from my mind, my body. I couldn’t taste her on my tongue anymore, but the girl was in my bones.

I fell asleep with visions of her twirling through the air, wondering if it was too late to turn back.

Nineteen

Zelda

Averykissedmyhead,shoving a cupcake onto my lap as we sat our asses on the bench to watch the next round of practices. My bones ached from the exhaustion of how far I’d pushed my body, but I still wanted more. Even through the sweat and pain, I was ready for another go up in the air.

“Happy birthday,” Avery said, swiping some of the pink frosting from my cupcake and sucking it from his finger. I grinned at him.

Two months had passed since my night in here with Luca. Two months of sneaking around, keeping things as distant as we could, shoving every emotion deep into our souls and simply fucking the life out of each other. Now that we were home, it was easier. Our families weren’t quite as on top of each other as on vacation and we’d had no close calls or moms and wives on the other side of a thin curtain blowing in a breeze. We met in hotels or clubs, or he came to my dorm when my roommate went home for the weekend.

He told me he was separating from Alison, that they hadn’t admitted it to anyone else yet, but he felt he should share it with me. I told him I wasn’t seeing anyone else, that the men who saw my naked body never got to touch. They paid for the privilege of looking at what he could have for free. He laughed at that, telling me that my body was far from free, that it had already cost him so much and he knew there was more payment to come.

“Thank you,” I muttered to Avery with a smile, breaking the cupcake in two and handing Avery half. “This is very sweet.”

He grinned and took his half, licking the chocolate from the center and winking at me.

“You got any plans?” he asked, both our eyes turning to the girl in the aerial ring, practicing a flip for the fifth time. Our instructor stood below with a hefty safety mat, ready to catch her as she wobbled through the steps. Avery and I winced in unison when she lost her grip, but she caught it before catastrophe.

When Luca left me here two months ago, I cleaned up our mess, straightened out the mats, tidied the ribbons, mopped the floor, then showered and walked home in a daze. He was right, though. I asked for too much, for the emotion and comfort I’d vowed to build a wall against. The moment of weakness haunted me. It all could have been over because of that want for more.

Each time we fucked now, I left first, not giving my mind the opportunity to forget the strict boundary.

In the seconds before sleep pulled me under, I often thought about the shower in Hawaii, where he washed me clean, soaped up every inch of my body and scrubbed at my scalp. Despite the shitty spray, it had been one of the nicest moments of my life. I couldn’t crave it. I’d lose my mind over something I would never have.

“You, me, Seren, my place? Too much booze and some shitty movies?” I asked, focusing back on the sweet guy beside me, giving him another wide smile. Truth was, Luca and I had intentionally avoided today. We had a family dinner to attend tomorrow to celebrate my grand old age of twenty-three, but on a personal note, it felt too couply. We couldn’t do couply. That was another word that haunted me.

Avery smiled, his curly brown hair sweaty against his head, his wide, cheerful face glowing. “Sounds perfect. Am I picking the shitty movies or does the birthday girl want to?”

“Ah.” I nudged him. “You’re well aware you always pick the best shitty movies.”

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