Page 15 of Silver Lining Love

As I forced my heavy lids open, I wanted to join Benji crying. Instead, I grabbed the pillow beside me, put it over my face, and screamed as loud as I could in frustration.

Sexual frustration. Life frustration. All the frustration. I screamed until I couldn’t scream anymore and then my arms collapsed beside me. I was just about to remove the pillow covering my face when I heard a little voice.

“Auntie Whitney, are you okay?” Alice sniffed, and I could tell that she was crying.

Shit.I fucked up again.

Alice was sensitive. Very sensitive. She got emotional whenever anyone else was emotional. I wasn’t sure if she’d always been that way or if it was only since she lost her parents.

The truth was, I’d been a decent aunt before the accident. I’d visit one weekend per month and shower the kids with gifts, but I hadn’t known my niece and nephews all that well. I hadn’t known that Benji had sensitive skin and needed a humidifier at night to breathe. I hadn’t known that Alice was scared of cotton balls or that Mikey was left-handed.

There was no excuse not to know everything about Mikey. He was the oldest, he’d been around the longest and I’d had no idea that he was left-handed. What kind of an aunt was I?

A self-involved one,my inner voice quickly answered.

Taking a deep breath, I threw the pillow to the side and sat up, pasting the fakest of all fake smiles on my face.

Alice had a single tear falling down her cheek. Benji was crying from his crib. And I was sure that Mikey would be in an equally pleasant mood when I woke him up after I changed Benji. Mornings were my personal hell.

“Of course I’m okay,” I enthused. “I was just playing a game. I wanted to try and scream as loud as I could into a pillow.”

Did it sound ridiculous? Yes. But she was four, and I hoped she would let it slide.

Her tiny brow scrunched. “A game?”

“Yep, wanna try?” I tossed a pillow to her as I climbed out of bed.

While I pulled on my robe, she placed the pillow over her face and yelled.

“Louder,” I instructed as I walked into the makeshift nursery, that used to be my lavish walk-in closet and picked up Benji from his crib. “Good morning, mister man.”

He cooed at me and giggled when I blew raspberries on his neck.

She tried again. It was a valiant effort, but I knew she had more in her.

“Louder,” I repeated as I laid Benji on the changing table and smiled down at him as I changed his diaper.

This time she really let loose, and Benji’s eyes widened in shock.

“Sissy’s got some lungs on her, huh?” I commented as I tossed the diaper that was just filled with peed diapers, but weighed as much as if he’d filled it with cement.

He smiled up at me as a steady stream of baby gibberish. “Ba da ba ba da ba da.”

After putting a new onesie on him, I picked him up and heard Alice let another one rip, this time without my prompting. Then I heard her burst out in giggles. “Pillow screaming is a fun game, Auntie.”

“Told you.”

When I walked out of the closet with a freshly changed Benji on my hip, I noticed the clock on my nightstand for the first time since I’d woken up.

“Fuck!” It was seven-forty-five. I needed to leave to take Mikey to school, like now. And I hadn’t even woken him up.

“Auntie, that’s a bad word,” Alice rightfully pointed out.

“I know. But we’re late! Come on!” I rushed down the hall to the kids’ room and saw that Mikey wasn’t in his bed.

He must be up already. Hopefully, he was dressed. If he was dressed, I had a fighting chance of dropping him off at school on time. I couldn’t count how many times he’d been late thanks to my poor morning time management. Each and every time, I’d promised myself it wouldn’t happen again.

“Michael!” I called out as I spun around so fast that I almost knocked Alice over. She was low to the ground, so it wouldn’t have been a bad fall. But thankfully, she managed to remain standing.

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