Page 69 of Keep Breathing

Rage filled me when I saw the huge area of burn scars on her right shoulder. I had felt them all as I held her in the shower, scars all over her back and up onto her shoulders, but I had been unable to see them until that moment. I had glimpsed more on her abdomen too, and all I could think was the monster who had put them there needed to die. I couldn’t even comprehend what she must have been through in the weeks he held her.

All things considered; I was surprised she was coping as well as she was. It was a wonder she wasn’t in the state she was at that moment, all of the time. She had to be petrified knowing the monster who had done this to her was still out there somewhere, running free and watching her.

“Let’s go to your room okay? We need to keep you toasty and warm,” Aleks told her. She didn’t respond, but he opened the door and took her anyway, while I grabbed a towel and wrapped it around my waist.

I grabbed another towel and quickly dried off, eager to get into Evie’s room and keep her in my sight. I worried about how much she had tuned out that night. Things had obviously just become too much for her, and who could blame her for feeling that way? I just needed to be close to her. I wanted to be right there if she needed me for anything.

With every day that passed, my feelings for this woman were just getting stronger and stronger. In one way it felt crazy. It had been years since I felt truly attracted to a woman. Sure, I’d had a few one night stands while I was in the military and a few more since, but that was all they had ever been – one night, just to scratch an itch. Zack had been the result of one of those nights. He was the greatest thing that had ever happened to me, and I would never change having him in my life, but I did doubt the kind of father I could be for him. I’d never had a father of my own to model myself on, so I had zero knowledge of fathering skills, not to mention I was completely messed up emotionally. It would never stop me from doing my utmost to be the best father I could be for my boy, but I was constantly terrified of messing things up.

Maybe that was why I had been avoiding relationships too. I’d been so afraid of not being enough for someone, that I’d just shut out all possibility of it happening at all.

And then along came Evie and everything changed. She didn’t make me feel like I was messed up and inadequate. It was just the opposite actually – she made me feel like I was good enough. She made me feel almost whole again. Since she came into my life I had tried hard to stop drinking. I’d forced myself to get into my bed each night, and attempt to sleep. All because of her. All because I wanted to be better for her. My feelings for her were unlike anything I had felt before. I wanted her. She made me feel alive again in a way no one else had since we all got out of the military. She made me dare to hope for a happier future.

We had to do all we could to end this mess for her and get her strong. We had to save her so she could keep on saving all of us.

CHAPTER 22

EVIE

I was sitting on the edge of my bed, curled into Aleks’s side, clinging to his arm, and hoping like hell that grip was enough to keep my exhausted, frazzled mind in the present.

My thoughts were fighting to push me back to that hell, where I knew Soloman awaited me. Holding on to the guys seemed to be the only thing keeping me from falling down that deep, dark hole.

“I’ll grab some pajamas,” Nick said as he came in from the bathroom with just a towel wrapped around his waist. I knew I should be embarrassed about how badly I had fallen apart with him, and how badly I still was, but I just didn’t have enough left in me to care. I needed them. I didn’t have the strength to be alone, or even feign it.

“I’m so tired,” I whispered against Aleks’s shoulder, where I had tucked my face.

“I know, malenka. Just a little longer, then we’ll get you tucked into bed, okay?” he soothed as he ran his hand gently over my hair.

“I…I can’t. He’ll be there…w-waiting for me.” My words were a little slurred due to the exhaustion that had hit me hard.

“No, he won’t,” Nick said firmly as he appeared with some clothes from my closet in his hands. “We won’t let him. We’ll stay with you and we’ll keep the nightmares away.”

I wasn’t so sure even they could keep my nightmares at bay that night after everything, but I didn’t say anything. I was just so grateful they were willing to stay with me. I wasn’t ready to be alone.

I tried my best to help them as they slipped on my pajamas under and around the towel, trying to maintain some dignity for me, but I know I was pretty useless by that point. My joints were aching badly and I was so exhausted I could barely focus on anything other than ensuring I still had a grip on one of them somewhere, needing to ground myself in reality.

“I made you some tea. Do you think you can drink a little? It’s chamomile, so it’ll help you sleep,” Aleks asked once I was changed and happily pressed between the both of them.

Aleks held the cup out to me, so I took it in my shaky hand and sipped a little. The heat of it felt good as it went down, and I took a couple more sips before handing the cup back. I’d try anything to make me sleep better.

Harris walked in then, and he took Nick’s place at my side as Nick excused himself to go and find some clothes.

“How are you feeling?” Harris asked as he grabbed my arm and turned it so he could study the gash there. It had stopped bleeding but it was pretty big and deep.

“Tired,” I whispered as I lay my head on his shoulder and closed my eyes.

“I need to dress this before you sleep, okay? We don’t want it getting infected,” he told me as he held up a first aid box he must have brought in with him. I nodded and sat up so he could set to work.

“Is Kailan okay?” I asked shakily. I wanted to go to him, but I was just too exhausted and emotionally wrung out.

“He’ll be fine. Don’t worry about him now,” Harris replied.

“Come here and lean on me while Harris takes care of your arm,” Aleks said, obviously noticing I was struggling to remain upright. He put his hands around my waist and pulled my back against his front, supporting me with his arms around me.

Harris worked quickly to clean the gash with antiseptic, then he covered it with a large white dressing. By the time he was finished Nick was back, now changed into shorts and a beat up ‘Rolling Stones’ t-shirt.

“Let’s get you into bed. Do you want us all to stay, or just one of us?” Nick asked with a gentle, understanding smile.

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