Page 8 of Knot Fit For Love

If they were more than friends, Elias might scold him for it, telling the alpha how important rest was to a healthy lifestyle. He'd learned a thing or two working alongside August. Yet, ever since Elias rejected Ian, words that carried an excessive sense of familiarity seemed empty and lacking in strength. Like he was, for once, doing something halfway.

He didn't feel good about it, so he stopped altogether. Treating Ian as he would any other alpha. Well, not any other alpha. Usually he was a dick to them, but he was nice to Ian.

Sometimes too nice when his nesting instincts screamed at him to cuddle close on the couch, watch a movie with heavily buttered popcorn, and pile seven blankets atop them. Then drag said blankets into bed and sleep cocooned in them until any semblance of Ian's scent was gone… Only to do it all over again.

Elias was well aware it was a vicious cycle, but he couldn't stop himself. Not when the handsome, willing alpha he'd known all his life sat right there. He almost wished Ian hated him. That would sure as hell make this situation easier.

"Oh, well, go on and rest. I wanted to shower after that event. There were so many alpha pheromones I'm dizzy now—"

The door slammed open so violently Elias jumped, eyes darting to meet Ian's fuming, amber gaze burning beneath layered auburn hair. It was messy and limp from however many hours spent deep within the trauma bay, but the look on his face was anything but fatigue.

His nostrils flared, scenting both Elias' out-of-control pheromones and the remnants of the alpha who'd knotted him. However, not once did Ian's gaze dip below Elias' face, studying his pale cheeks and the shakiness of his muscles.

"Dizzy? What happened? Did some alpha asshole force himself on you?" Ian asked, lips pulling back on a snarl to reveal elongated alpha teeth.

They winked bright white beneath the filtered glow from the skylight above them. Ian's hair glimmered with it, reflecting soft red shadows where it hung past full brows. Elias' fingers twitched at the sight, aching to stride over there and smooth it back as he'd done so many times before.

Ian was clearly distressed and in need of comfort, panting so forcefully his entire chest rose and fell with the movement. The sight was feral and out of control, but Elias had no sense of fear. Ian directed his anger elsewhere.

Not even back when Elias told his best friend about being cheated on, and Ian stormed out for two hours. He left a distraught Elias to panic and sob into their couch, curling into a fetal position on his side and clutching at a nearby pillow cover in the alpha's scent…

Only for Ian to return with way too many of his favorite snacks and bloodied, split knuckles. They hadn't even talked about it. Only sat down on the couch as usual, cuddling together and watching the latest superhero movie until his sniffling was gone and laughter replaced it.

Elias didn't know why that memory surfaced, nor what he was supposed to do or say now. They were good at being friends. So good that Elias never had to think about acting tough or indifferent around him. This home was a safe space for him to be his most authentic self, and if that included a light squeal at a bug or the occasional nest in the center of the living room, Ian wasn't one to judge.

He was a teddy bear of an alpha; big, imposing, tattooed, but so, so sweet underneath. Willing to do anything Elias wanted when they were together and never asking for things in return, even when justified. For that alone, Ian deserved the truth, right?

Yes, but I told him no alphas. I told him no alphas and then slept with some stranger rather than letting the world's most perfect man into my heart and bed.

"No one forced themselves on me," he replied, averting his eyes.

"Then what happened?"

Shit, Elias thought, muscles locking up. He was lightheaded. That wasn't a lie. And too naked in front of the one alpha he'd consistently cultivated a healthy relationship with. Admitting his fuckup wasn't ideal in such a situation, but you play the cards you're dealt, even when they're shitty—even when you know you should've folded two rounds ago.

Fuck.

He leapt into the shower for some distance, fingers trembling when they slicked back his sweaty curls. The convergence of breaking his personal promise, being humiliated for his vulnerability, and then caught right after by the person he most wanted to keep it from was too much. Shame replaced the panic, or joined it, curling around his heart to drag it down like an anchor.

"I-I made a mistake, okay? And I need some space, so just—"

Elias' breath hitched, cutting off whatever fumbling thing he was going to say next. The pressure built up in his throat, closing it. Elias covered his face with both hands, willing tears back into the recesses of his soul where they belonged, drained there to form an ocean of unwept misery.

They burned the backs of his eyes, insistent and potent. The pheromones in the room quickly soured, desire faltering in the face of his grief. That's what this was. It's what it had to be with everything he'd told himself about alphas proving to be true, yet again, after all these years of abstinence.

His breathing grew frantic, puffing out of his chest so fast his lungs ached. Elias pressed one hand to the shower wall for purchase, grimacing at the spiral he was falling into.

All bark and no bite. His poisonous inner voice cackled, mocking him. So pathetic and weak to those damned alphas. Might as well do it again since your convictions mean nothing, right? Let Ian fuck you up against the wall—BEG FOR IT.

Elias hiccuped a sob without tears, forcing his eyes to remain open and unseeing as he stared up into the water. The droplets stung, pelting him hard enough that he could hold on to normalcy—keeping his head on straight. He could sense himself succumbing to the panic swirling inside his mind. It'd been waiting to break free and infect the rest of his already wrung-out body.

It may as well be unavoidable, like an avalanche one watches tumble closer, face slack with shock. Falling through his ribcage, it collected in his stomach, creating a swirling motion. A soft, breathy gasp left him as he shivered.

Get it together. Get it together. Get it together—

Two muscular arms, still swathed in a long-sleeve, dark gray tee, enveloped him. It startled Elias, who'd forgotten Ian was even there, but his body was ready for it. He embraced it, sinking into the alpha's embrace and holding onto Ian's brawny arms that encased him. It proved to the panic and doubt that, no, this was not, in fact, the end of life as he knew it.

"I-I didn't—I wasn't," he gasped, nails digging into his skin. Elias had no idea what he wanted to say or how he was supposed to explain this without breaking a heart.

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