Page 58 of Knot Fit For Love

He couldn't help but smile. "Sure, I promise."

Chapter Fifteen

Other than the overpowering alpha scents surrounding Elias and everyone tending to his needs, the week passed uneventfully. Whenever he tried to leave his apartment, Ian would always rub their necks together or one of the other alphas would wait outside to do so. Even August made a comment, giving Elias a gaze that brought back memories of their restaurant conversation. He told his mentor he'd decide, but plans change.

He dreaded confessing he had three partners. Three. That was unheard of for any province, let alone pompous Hamton. Elias was freaking out about what it would mean for everyone.

He was a CFO, Dane was a hospital administrator, Ian was the head of emergency medicine, and Levi would inherit an entire company. They weren't nobodies, so the press would have a field day.

Is it worth it? His mind hissed, cackling when he cringed and dropped his pen on the desk.

Elias sat back, rubbing both hands across his face to stop thinking so goddamn much. Was that really so hard? Some days, he actively wished for fewer brain cells. He read somewhere once that the higher your IQ, the more introspective your thought processes were.

A knock sounded at the door, and Elias looked up, spotting August hanging from the frame with one blond brow arched in question.

"Hey," Elias said warily.

"You look like you need to eat out today. Too many thoughts?"

He had to work hard to keep his lower lip from trembling in relief as he stood up and grabbed his suit coat. It reminded him of just how well August knew him. The alpha wrapped his arm around Elias' shoulders as they walked out together, moving down the crowded street toward their favorite lunch spot.

August pulled out Elias' chair as they sat at an outdoor table beneath a bright red umbrella, contrasting the sunny yellow table painted with whirling clouds. It was an artsy spot that always put a smile on Elias' face by the time he left. Plus, their smothered burrito was out of this fucking world.

"So," August started after ordering them two blended strawberry margaritas. "I take it your plan isn't going well?"

Elias grabbed his water glass and sat back, sipping it while watching the passing traffic. "The plan has changed. We've discussed it as a group, and yet, I still have a sense of being out of control."

He didn't have to see August to know the alpha was studying him just as closely as he would one of his lab samples. "Are you out of control, or do you feel you have no control?"

"Isn't that the same thing?"

"No," August replied, voice stern enough to garner Elias' full attention. "Being out of control means whatever you're doing is harming your sense of self. Lacking control of a situation doesn't mean it's bad, it only means you're uncomfortable and that might help you."

"Yeah? How do you figure?"

The drinks arrived in their usual wide-rimmed glasses with sugar dripping down the sides, making Elias drool. He immediately set down his water to grab one, but August leaned in and clutched his hand instead, holding him captive.

"You're one of the most relentless, independent people I've ever met. My company's growth is thanks to your hard work. Alphas fear meeting you for business dinners. Your father disowned you because he couldn't bear to watch you succeed. It made him feel inferior. Autonomy defines you in every situation, unless we're talking about romance. There, it's a hindrance. Perhaps relinquishing control for a change is how you conquer your fears."

He pulled his hand away, and his mentor didn't resist.

They drank, but Elias stared over his rim the entire time, the wheels in his mind turning. Even though he appreciated the praise and trusted August, was that last statement actually true?

Had his greatest strengths turned into weaknesses?

"So you're saying I should, what? Keep feeling like this and get used to it? I can't do that. These days, my skin experiences such a taut sensation that I'm fearful I'll begin picking at it, and I won't go down that path again."

August set his glass aside and shook his head. "I know you have an anxiety disorder, but that doesn't equate to zero trust in your relationships. The only reason Ian is still a part of your life is because he refuses to leave. Something has to give."

Elias downed the rest of his margarita, cringing at the brain freeze that followed. It shocked him into sitting back, giving the server enough room to deliver two huge burritos and warning them of how hot the plates were. August requested avocado and salsa to go with them, knowing Elias wanted it.

"I know something has to give," he said, eyes closed and fists clenched in his lap. "I'm not delusional, I'm afraid. I have no close relationships because they always hurt me. But I'm trying, damn it."

Tears welled up in the back of his eyes, burning to be set free. Elias refused their call, sniffling. He picked up his silverware, mouth watering at the hearty smell of meat, rice, and black beans smothered in red sauce. The burrito looked delicious, but his stomach had flipped, turning sour.

"Oh, just take a bite," August chided. "You'll remember how hungry you are once you do."

Elias chuckled, feeling pretty pathetic. "Fine."

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