Page 56 of Release Me

“Damn, bitch, why you crying?”

The laugh her cheeky question pulls out of me is wrapped around a half sob that’s been sitting in my chest for ten days, ever since Sebastian helped me find this place and then followed up the act of kindness with a declaration about always being by my side.

I ball up the paper from my straw and throw it at her, hitting her square in the forehead. “I hate you.”

“No, you don’t. I’m your best friend.”

For some reason that statement—which is about as true as anything has ever been—sets me off again. “You really are.”

Des looks at me like I’ve lost my mind and rushes around the island to wrap a supportive, but reluctant, arm around my shoulders. She looks down at me, confusion written all over her features. “You on your period or something?”

I burst out laughing, but the tears are still coming, so I feel crazy. I must look it too because Desiree’s eyes go wide, and I can all but see her wondering if she’s going to have to get me admitted to a hospital for a seventy-two hour psych hold.

“No, it just went off” I gasp, leaning against her shoulder. “I’m just happy.”

“People don’t usually sob when they’re happy, babe.”

“They do when their life suddenly starts going really good after years of everything always being bad.”

A commiserating silence falls between us, and I know I don’t have to say anymore. Desiree doesn’t know much about my past, but I’ve given her some hints. Some glimpses into the hell that rained down on me when my parents died.

“You’re right.” She says, pulling me in closer and breathing the words against my skin. “You cry all the happy tears you want because you are finally free.”

“Were you this emotional when you got away from Cheese?”

We both cringe at the dumb nickname of the man she had to escape on her way to freedom. I don’t know much about how she came to work for him or even really how she got away. I just know that she did, and if that’s all I ever get to know about it, then I’m okay with that.

“Sometimes. I was mostly just angry though. When I got out from under him and realized the shit I was accepting because I didn’t think there was better out there for me, I got so pissed off. Sebastian had to talk me out of going back to kill him several times.”

I twist in my seat, brows furrowed as I look up at her. “Sebastian?”

“Yeah, he’s the only reason I left Cheese and started working at Ludus.”

She starts to pull away, and I let her go, allowing her to return to her plate on the other side of the island. I don’t bother looking at my food because I know I can’t eat right now. There’s something sour churning in my gut, washing out the joy and appreciation that was just there and replacing it with something else.

“Oh.” My fingers go to the abandoned cup in front of me, but I don’t pick it up to take a drink. I just spin it around on the counter absently, waiting for Desiree to elaborate. When she doesn’t, I resign myself to continuing the conversation. “I didn’t realize Sebastian played such a huge part in you starting at Ludus.”

“That makes sense, considering that I never told you.”

She laughs, but I can’t even crack a smile. My brain is too busy drawing lines between what I think he’s done for her and what I know he’s done for me with ink from a pen that runs green. It makes no sense. Desiree is my best friend, and Sebastian is…well, he’s not anything to me that would justify me feeling like he owes me the exclusivity of his kindness. But knowing that doesn’t make me want to own it any less.

“Tell me now.”

We’re both caught off guard by the demand. Desiree’s eyes go wide as she takes a bite of garlic naan, and I take another sip of my drink to try to seem casual even though my mind is running rampant with images of an imagined relationship between two of the most important people in my life.

“Umm, well, when Ludus first opened, it wasn’t even on my radar. I didn’t know anything outside of Cheese and the box he allowed me to exist in.” She gives me a sad smile that makes my heart ache. Even though she didn’t go into detail, I know. I know the horrors she must have lived through inside that box. “I bet it still eats him up that he’s the reason I found out about Ludus in the first place.”

“What do you mean?”

“He would have these poker games with his friends and make me and some of the other girls work the room. We’d serve drinks, food, give a random blowjob here and there. You know, usual stuff. One night during a game, one of his friends, Kirk, started going on and on about how he was losing girls to some club owned by a guy with enough money to buy girls their freedom with no strings attached.”

“No one knew it was Sebastian?”

“Not at first. The club was only a few months old then.”

“How did they figure it out?”

Her cheeks turn red. “I told them.”

---