Page 96 of Release Me

“No. I’m fine.”

“Nadia.” He pins me with a hard stare that implores me to be honest even though I know I can’t. “You look like you’ve been crying, so I know that something is wrong.”

My teeth sink into my lower lip, and I search my brain, knowing I have to give him something. “I was just…” I trail off, hating that I have to be dishonest with him. “I was just thinking about my parents. Thanksgiving was the last holiday I spent with them, and it’s always a hard day for me.”

Technically, it’s not a lie. Thanksgiving is a hard day for me. But today was easier. It felt better. Until a few moments ago.

Sebastian’s features soften, and his hand snakes around to the back of my neck, gripping my nape to pull me in close. He lays a kiss on my forehead. “I’m sorry, baby.”

“It’s okay. I’m used to missing them, it’s just that some days are harder than others.”

“Is it because we’re here? Do you want to go home?”

“No!” I reply, my tone fierce and sure because my need to get away from Vince doesn’t outweigh my desire to share this holiday with Sebastian and his family. “No,” I repeat, a little calmer this time. “I just needed to sit with my feelings for a moment.”

“And you decided to do that alone?”

“Yes, you were with your family.”

“Our family,” he says, correcting me. “And so what? No matter who I’m with, where I am or what I’m doing, I’m always available to you.”

“I know that, Seb.” I sigh. “But I’m not going to to interrupt your family time so we can rehash the last moments I had with my mom and dad.”

“You should. I want to hear about every moment you remember having with your mom and dad. Tell me something. Tell me anything. I’m here, I’m listening, and we’re not moving until you give me a piece of your sadness to hold.”

God, I love this man.

My heart swells with it, my soul burns with it, my bones ache with it.

Raising up on my tip toes, I press a kiss to his lips, thankful in this moment that Madeline keeps mouthwash in her guest bathrooms because my mouth doesn’t taste like vomit and tears. Sebastian lets the kiss intensify and then turn gentle before he breaks it.

“I’m waiting, precious,” he murmurs against my lips.

With no choice but to comply, I reach for a bittersweet truth no one else knows. “I was supposed to be on the flight with my parents. I was supposed to be on that plane, but I decided at the last minute to stay home because I was mad at my mom. I don’t even remember why, just that I was. I was supposed to be on the plane, Sebastian, and before I met you, I spent every day wishing that I had been.”

It’s such an ugly, broken truth it makes my chest ache. Sebastian’s too, I think, because several emotions play over his features and each one is more heartbreaking than the next.

A sad smile pulls my lips up. “Now you see why I didn’t want to share. Sometimes you have to hold your own sadness, keep your own secrets, carry your own pain.”

“When you were alone in the world, that might have made sense, precious, but you’re not alone anymore, which means your sadness is my sadness, your secrets are my secrets, and your pain—” he kisses me again, slow and long as if he’s trying to leech the pain from my system with his lips “—your pain is my pain.”

I want to feel comforted by that, but with every passing day, and near constant reminders of my past lurking around every corner, I’m scared that Sebastian’s words will become more than a promise. They’ll become a reality, and my pain won’t just be his pain, it’ll be our ruin.

34

SEBASTIAN

Ican count the number of times Nadia and I have argued since we’ve been together on one hand, and I won’t even need all five fingers. Communication isn’t something we usually struggle with because, more often than not, we find ourselves on the same side of important conversations.

Foolishly, I thought that meant introducing Nadia to the security team Russ put together would go off without a hitch, but I was wrong.

“Do you have a security team?” Nadia asks, her arms folded over her chest as she paces in front of her desk, heedless of the fact that there are six men standing behind me. Six men with military and tactical backgrounds that have required them to see and do things they can’t speak about with anyone. Six men who barely made it through the threshold before she laid into me about not needing or wanting them around.

Like I said, we rarely argue, but Nadia has been in rare form for days, and after Thanksgiving, her mood has only gotten worse. She’s been distant and jumpy, agitated with everyone but especially me even though she says I haven’t done anything to upset her. I guess that’s just changed though.

“No, I don’t need a security team. Your safety is the priority.”

This conversation reminds me of the one I had with Talia when she found out about the price Cheese had put on my head. She pressed and pressed and pressed for me to give in, but I didn’t because I knew I could take care of myself. Talia’s concerns barely registered for me. Her fears background noise underneath the roaring of the part of me that is always looking for a fight. There’s no one in this world I’d love to hurt more than Beau Montgomery, but as I look at Nadia, I can feel that desire taking a back seat to her worry. Every bone in my body preparing to yield to her, to cave, to give in ways I never would with anyone else.

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