Page 77 of Release Me

“A glitch in your system,” I repeat, slowly. “That resulted in putting thousands of dollars back in my account? Has this happened before?”

“No!” She says, sounding a bit frazzled.

I lean back in my chair and pinch my nose, trying to pinpoint the exact moment my afternoon started going downhill. “Okay, so do I need to come down there and write you a check or submit another payment online?”

There’s hints of panic threaded through my words, and I feel myself starting to spiral. Thoughts of being kicked out of my place whirling around in my head alongside questions about why I thought something as amazing as that penthouse could ever be mine.

“No, no, that won’t be necessary,” Nikki assures me. “I’ll see what’s going on and get back to you. Thank you so much for bringing this to my attention. I’ll speak to you later.” She ends the call in a rush, denying me the chance to ask further questions or even say goodbye.

27

NADIA

The automated message instructing me to leave a message plays in my ear, and I think about chucking my phone at the nearest wall. Instead, I push out a steadying breath and say the same thing I’ve said to Nikki Washington’s voicemail everyday for the last month and half.

“Nikki, this is Nadia Hendrix giving you a call again. Please get back to me as soon as you can.” I don’t bother elaborating because I know she knows what I’m calling about. Just like I know she knows that her explanation about a glitch in her payment system is bullshit. Frustrated, I set my phone on the counter and turn my attention back to the pot of mashed potatoes I made to go with the braised short ribs I’ve had in the oven for close to two hours.

October swooped in and brought a chill with it that apparently is going to carry over into the month of November, so I decided to make a warm and cozy dish that has the added benefit of reminding me of home. I’ve been thinking about my parents a lot lately, the way I always do when the anniversary of their death is closing in on me. Every year for the last fourteen years, between the last few days of October and the beginning of November, my brain is flooded with thoughts of them. Memories of the last few weeks I got to spend with them mixed with regrets about the moments I didn’t. The conversations I was too busy with my friends to have, the dinners I missed and the hugs I cut short because I was determined to get to the next thing. I’d give anything to have them back, to be standing in the sunlit kitchen I grew up in chopping onions, carrots, and celery while Mom sears the short ribs in the dutch oven and Dad pours wine into the decanter before getting started on the mashed potatoes.

I tried to recreate those vibes tonight, but it doesn’t feel the same. The house is too quiet because I’m alone and the only wine I want to drink with this dish can’t be found on any shelf in New Haven. I know because I’ve checked. I considered having Ruthie check too since she has more resources at her disposal than I do, but I just couldn’t bear the thought of her search coming up empty too, proving that Beau and Roland were successful in their obliteration of my parent’s legacy and my family’s name.

The front door opens, and I don’t even bother to look up because I know it’s Sebastian. The app on my phone that’s connected to the doorbell camera announced his arrival, and I watched him use the key I gave him two weeks ago to let himself in. Deciding to give him a key was an easy decision because he was spending every night at my place anyway. I didn’t even panic when he moved what seemed like half of his wardrobe into my closet the same day. I didn’t mind. I meant what I said when I told him I like having him in my space. I’m most comfortable here, and his constant presence only adds to that feeling.

“I’ve got a surprise for you,” he says, by way of greeting.

I look up to see him walking into the kitchen with his hands behind his back and a smile on his face. “You know I hate surprises, Sebastian.”

“You’ll like this one, I promise.”

I grab a kitchen towel and wipe my hands, tossing it over my shoulder as I round the island to meet him. “What is it?”

His gaze drops to my lips. “Give me a kiss first.”

I roll my eyes, but do as he asks, rising up on my tip-toes to press my lips to his. It’s a short kiss, really more of a peck, but when I pull back he looks extremely satisfied, so I hold my hand out.

“Surprise, please.”

He shakes his head and laughs. “Thought you didn’t like surprises.”

“I don’t, but I could use the pick me up today.”

“You okay?”

We haven’t seen much of each other since this morning because he’s been in meetings all over town, which means he hasn’t been around to witness the beginnings of my annual bout of depression.

“Yeah, just missing my parents a little bit more than usual.”

His smile melts into a sympathetic frown. “I’m sorry, precious. Do you want to talk about it?”

Every day I spend with Sebastian it feels less realistic to keep hiding from him behind the wall I built to safeguard my present from my past. He wants to know me, every part of me, and I want him to, but I’m also scared. Scared that a conversation about my parents will lead to one about Beau and that speaking his name will conjure him like a dark spirit, bringing him straight to New Haven, straight to my doorstep.

“Not today.”

“Okay.” Sebastian lets me go, and I read the disappointment on his face before he’s able to tuck it away. He’s been more patient than any other man would be, but I know my reluctance to share is weighing on him. “Ready for your surprise then?”

“Yes, please.”

The enthusiasm in my answer wins me a smile. “Close your eyes and hold out your hands.”

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