Page 101 of Release Me

Tears blur my vision. I don’t know what to say. I don’t want to tell him. I don’t want him to be angry or think that I was trying to do this on purpose, that I was trying to trap him. Oh, God. My stomach turns as my entire body revolts at the thought of him thinking so little of me. I didn’t plan this. I didn’t want this, this unexpected surprise situation, but I do think I could want this baby.

“Nadia? Did you hear me? Why did you leave the doctor’s office like that? What did you need that was so important you had to leave right then?”

I turn, cognizant of the fact that there are more eyes on me right now than Sebastian’s. His are all I care about though. They’re all that matter as I pick up the pregnancy test closest to me and turn back around to put it in his hands.

“One of these.”

36

SEBASTIAN

Two pink lines.

I always thought I’d be done in by something more substantial. A bullet, a heart attack, some random act of divinity that would strike me down where I stood, leaving nothing of me but an imprint made of ash. Never did I think it would be something I would hold in my own hand, see with my own eyes.

I can’t stop looking at it.

My whole world has come grinding to a halt, and it’s all because of two pink lines and the woman in front of me who won’t stop biting her lip. She’s nervous, afraid, in shock just like I am, and my heart pounds with the demand to comfort her, to kiss her, to make love to her until she’s relaxed and sated and all traces of worry and fear are gone. The desire is so strong, I almost forget the presence of the men at my back, but Russ’ not so subtle clearing of his throat reminds me.

I turn to him. “Get out.”

They file out with tense shoulders and clenched jaws, grateful that the verbal lashing I’ve been giving them since they let me know they lost Nadia is over. The second they’re gone, I’m facing her again, and her bottom lip is trembling.

“I didn’t do this on purpose, Sebastian” she gasps, tears crowding her eyes. God, she’s so fucking beautiful no matter what she’s doing, but I hate it when she cries. “I swear, I wasn’t trying to trap you. I swear.”

Now the anxiety etched into her features makes sense. She was worried I would think what most rich and powerful men think when the woman they’ve just started sleeping with winds up pregnant unexpectedly. Honestly, the thought never crossed my mind, but even if she had plotted to make this happen, I wouldn’t be feeling anything close to what she thinks is going through my head right now.

“Oh, precious, come here.” I open my arms, still holding the positive pregnancy test in one hand, and Nadia crashes into me. She squeezes me tight, but I hold her gingerly, like the precious thing she is. My lips are at her temple in a second, layering what I hope are comforting kisses on her skin. “I know you didn’t. Neither of us were trying to make this happen, but it’s okay. We’re okay. You’re okay.”

A shudder rolls down her spine as she pulls back to look up at me. “You’re not mad?”

“No, baby, I’m not mad. How could I be? We were both in this together, weren’t we?”

She nods, and the motion causes the tears lingering on the rims of her beautiful, brown eyes to fall. They’re hot and wet as they land on my arm, soaking into the skin exposed by my rolled up sleeves. I want to kiss her tears away, to pick her up and spin her around until she laughs instead of cries and then drop to my knees and pull up her sweater to expose her belly that’s still flat because it’s too early for her to be showing, right?

“How far along are you?” The question drops like a bomb between the two of us, and I don’t understand the expression on Nadia’s face. Not fully. Not until she steps out of my hold and starts pacing like she does when she’s going to say something that breaks my heart. “Nadia?”

“I don’t know, Sebastian!” She stomps her foot impatiently and spins around, showing me features that are wrought with fear and confusion. “I don’t know anything except that I’m pregnant, and I shouldn’t be.”

My heart aches, and I can’t help it, my eyes drop to her stomach, to the invisible life we unintentionally created but I want more than anything. I want. Those two words echo in my mind, at odds with the expression on Nadia’s face that says she doesn’t.

She doesn’t want to have this baby.

She doesn’t want to have our baby.

And it’s her choice, of course it’s her choice, but God, even thinking it sends shards of glass rushing through my veins in angry cascading waves that threaten to tear me apart.

This can’t be happening.

Like Nadia, this baby is something I didn’t know I wanted until the possibility of it was standing right in front of me. I fought like hell to have Nadia, to gain her trust and make her mine, but this time? This little thing inside of her that we made together? I can’t fight for it. I can’t ask for reasonable terms or request more time. For the first time in my life, I’m sitting in a negotiation with all my cards on the table, no leverage to speak of, and a gag order that would prevent me from utilizing either if I had them.

I take a seat in the chair closest to me and rest my elbows on my knees, letting the weight of what I’ve gained and lost in the span of a second press down on me.

“You don’t have to be pregnant, Nadia. We can make an appointment, and—” Her hand goes to her stomach, and I stare at the protective span of her fingers as hope tries to bloom in my chest. I can’t let it. I can’t read too much into what’s probably nothing more than instinct, so I push through, forcing myself to finish the sentence. “We can make an appointment, and get it taken care of.”

“Is that what you want?” she asks quietly, her eyes still watery, her fingers still guarding her stomach. “To get rid of it?”

I have to bite back the words that will tell the truth because I don’t want to influence her decision. “I want whatever you want, precious.”

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