Page 140 of Restore Me

This time it’s me struggling for words. Out of all the things I thought she would say when she finally got her brain working again, this isn’t it. I sigh. “Nothing. Nothing at all.”

She rolls her eyes. “Don’t get all technical with me. Nothing is going on now, but something was going on and it’s still affecting you.”

Her lips push out into a surprisingly sympathetic pout as she glances at my shower cap. I press my lips together because I’m not sure if the next thing that passes through them is going to be a sob, laugh, or weird mixture of both.

“Why aren’t you mad right now?”

“I didn’t say I wasn’t mad.” My face falls, and she gives me a light bump with her shoulder. “Calm down, girl! I’m mad at you for not telling me what was going on. We’re supposed to be best friends, and you’re out here keeping major secrets from me.”

All of my breath leaves my body in a relieved woosh. “But not because I was in a relationship with Dom?”

“DOM?” She makes a gagging sound. “Ugh. Why do you call him that? Never mind, don’t tell me. I don’t want to know anything about your sex life.”

“Mal.”

“Sloane.” We stare at each other, and I let her see all the worry and doubt I’m feeling. “No, I’m not mad at you, and I could never hate you. Do I think it’s weird you and Nic somehow ended up in a situationship? Yes, I absolutely do. But you’re both grown, consenting adults. Why would I have an opinion about what you guys do?”

“Because I was married to your brother.”

Having this conversation with Mal right now is incredibly surreal. I thought I would have to keep this secret for the rest of our lives, carrying the biggest lies I’ve ever told her with me to the grave. But here we are, talking about me and Dom like it’s no big deal.

“True, and you made him very happy for the entire time you two were together. Unless you’re about to tell me you and Nic had an affair before Eric died, I don’t know why it would be an issue.”

My throat constricts when she says ‘affair’ because it immediately makes me think about the feelings Dom had for me before I even knew Eric. We never acted on them, but just the fact they exist could spell betrayal in Mal’s eyes.

“Sloane,” she says slowly. “You guys didn’t have an affair right?”

I shake my head wildly. “No! Mal, of course not. We would never do anything like that to Eric. I mean I didn’t even like Dom until we started working together on this project.”

“And what about him? Did he think of you that way before then?”

The question makes my stomach churn. Answering Mal without telling her about the night Dom and I met feels impossible, but broaching the subject while he isn’t here to explain his side of things feels wrong, especially when I don’t fully remember everything.

“I don’t know how to answer that.”

Mal leans forward, obviously intrigued and a little concerned by my hesitance. “Can’t go wrong with the truth.”

Her eyebrows wiggle, and I give her a weak smile before telling her everything I’ve pieced together from the night Dom and I met. The party, the list, the way he described our connection, and how those underlying feelings came back to life that night in Club Noir.

Shaking her head in disbelief, she rises from her seat and crosses over to the cabinet. I watch her pull out a bottle of wine and two glasses. “What are you doing?”

She looks at me like I’ve grown two heads. “Pouring wine. We both need some after that story.”

I snort. “Pretty sure alcohol is what got me into this mess to begin with.”

“And I’m pretty sure you weren’t pounding back glasses of sauvignon blanc at a frat party.”

“How are you taking this so well?”

Asking her this question again feels like tempting fate, but I just can’t get over her nonchalant reaction. The entire time Dom and I were together, I worried about how this would go, and it’s just shocking to know I got it so wrong.

“Wow.” Mal rounds the island and hands me my drink as she gets settled beside me. “I think I might be a little offended at how little faith you have in my ability to be reasonable.”

“It’s not that I think you’re unreasonable, I just know you’re sensitive about seeing me with someone else. When I went out with Ash, you said it made Eric being gone feel too real.”

“Right, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want to see you happy!” She wrinkles her nose at me. “Please don’t tell me that’s the reason you and Nic didn’t work out.”

I take a short sip of my wine. “No. That’s not it at all. I mean we talked about it, at length, but that’s not what tore us apart.”

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