Page 114 of Restore Me

“I’m so glad you didn’t have dinner plans today, sweetheart.” She grabs my hand. “I’ve been missing you.”

Guilt slices through me as I squeeze her hand back. Outside of Sunday dinners, I haven’t spent much time with Mama lately. Usually, I make a point of stopping by to see her at least once or twice a week, but since Dom and I started up, I’ve been going straight home. All too eager to lose myself in him.

“I know. Things with work have been really busy, but I haven’t meant to be missing in action. We’re almost done with this project, so I’ll be able to come by more.”

“Oh, honey. I’m not trying to guilt-trip you. You’ve got a right to live your own life. I don’t need y’all stopping by my house every day out of the week getting on my nerves.” She rolls her eyes at my lifted brow. Everyone knows that Mama loves to have a house full of people around. If we don’t stop by on our own, she’ll call with a reason for us to come over. “And I think we both know that work isn’t the only thing keeping you busy.”

Now it’s her turn to arch a brow at me, and my heart sinks into my stomach. I should have known this was the reason she didn’t include Mal in our dinner plans. She wants the chance to tell me exactly how she feels about me starting to date again without anyone else around.

“Mama, I—”

She holds up her hand to stop me from talking, and I close my mouth because I don’t know what I was going to say anyway. I expect to see her face harden like it has in the few rare moments I’ve seen her angry, but it doesn’t. Her features remain schooled in that soft, open expression she always wears. The one that makes you feel like you can tell her anything.

“I didn’t mean it like that, Sloane.” She chuckles, patting my hand softly. “That was just my awkward way of trying to broach a subject that’s going to be uncomfortable for both of us to discuss. That is if you want to talk to me about it at all.”

Relief trickles down my spine, and I give her a smile that’s already turned watery. Her kindness, the gentle way she’s cradling my fingers in her hand, it’s all too much. And so much more than I deserve. I slide my hand out of hers and pretend to straighten my blouse.

“You don’t have to dance around the subject. I know Mal’s already filled you in.”

Mama laughs. “She did tell me, but I figured I could get the more dialed back version from you. That girl gives too much information.”

“Yeah, she does.”

The waitress comes back with our food, and we fall into an awkward silence. I push my pasta around on my plate and wait for Mama to tell me exactly what she wants to know. Please don’t let her want to know about Ash.

“Sloane,” Mama says, finally breaking the silence. “All I want to know is are you happy? This man you’re seeing…Mal told me he’s nice, says one of her friends used to date him, but I don’t care about him as much as I care about you. So just answer that question for me and I’ll try not to ask anything else.”

Oh, thank God. Now, this I can do. I can reassure her, tell her how happy and okay I am without going into any specifics about my non-existent relationship with Ash or revealing anything about my forbidden relationship with Dom. I’ll be cutting it close, balancing my words on the fine line between a lie and the truth, but I’m willing to do it to give her some peace of mind and hopefully banish the sadness that was in her eyes on our call the other day.

I take a sip of my drink. “Yes, I’m happy, but it’s not like I was miserable before, Mama. I was just…”

“Lonely.” Mama finishes for me, filling in the blank I left open.

Her amber eyes shine with a heartbreaking understanding that can only come from losing the person you love too soon. I know she knows that pain, having lost Mal and Eric’s dad when they were babies, and it’s comforting to talk to her like this. Widow to widow instead of bereaved wife to devastated mother.

“Yes, after Eric I just never saw myself wanting anything with anyone else. He was my person, and no one will ever take his place in my heart, but I just felt like maybe it was time for more than the lonely little bubble I’d resigned myself to.”

She nods. “That makes perfect sense to me, honey.”

I search her eyes for the sadness that was there before and come up empty. Her expression doesn’t look anything like I expected it to—no hidden hurt or anger, no judgment or accusations about not loving her son enough lining her features — just the kind of love and understanding you’d expect to see from a mother. It soothes something deep inside of me, wrapping me in a sense of comfort and peace that makes me want to pour my heart out to her.

“I think I might love him.” I blurt, slapping my hand over my mouth when I realize what I’ve said. Nice work, Sloane. You’re supposed to be downplaying the relationship, not letting her know how far in over your head you are. “Oh, God. I shouldn’t have said that to you. You’re here to check in on me not hear about me falling in love…”

Dammit. Why did I say that again?! Mama’s eyes go wide, stretching with amusement. Despite my ramblings, she doesn’t seem at all bothered by what I’ve just said. Almost like she doesn’t see a problem with me being in love with another man.

Maybe she doesn’t.

“I’m happy to listen to anything you want to share, baby. Just don’t be like Mal and start giving me all the details about your sex life. I don’t need to know that.”

She scrunches up her nose, shaking her head in disgust as if she’s recalling a particularly explicit moment Mal shared with her. Between the look on her face and the relief I feel at her willingness to listen to me talk about things I haven’t spoken with about with another living soul, I feel like my heart is about to explode.

“Trust me, the last thing I want to do is talk to you about that.”

“Good. Now, did you mean what you just said? Do you really think you might be falling in love with this man?”

I meet her eyes and nod. Guilt twisting in my chest at the knowledge that I’m not giving her the full picture. I don’t want Mama to think I’m talking about Ash. Dom and I already spend so much time lying about what we are to each other, and I don’t want the first time I talk about my true feelings for him to be under the guise of a relationship with another man.

“It’s not Ash, though.” I bite my lip, fiddling with my wedding band anxiously. “Please don’t say anything to Mal. She doesn’t know yet, but I started seeing someone else. He’s a former client, so it’s kind of against my rules, but we just sort of fell together in this inevitable way. He’s kind, and he takes care of me in a way no one has since Eric.”

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