Page 53 of Alpha Fate

Chapter 18

Savannah

I wake up feeling guilty, even though there’s golden light filtering through the soft peachy-colored drapes in my bedroom. It’s like a tight knot in the base of my throat.

I feel like this a lot lately. Guilty about not being honest with my sister. Guilty about Cole. Guilty about not telling Gage about Cole.

I’m going to have to deal with it at some point. I’ve been hiding behind the excuse that I need time to get over my time at Leadmills and being abducted. That excuse is getting old. I’m just being a coward.

I yawn, stretch, and sit up on the edge of the mattress, raising my arms overhead to loosen my tight muscles.

I know that I have to face all these things soon, but I just don’t have the energy right now. I’m not making that part up. I’ve felt drained since I got here, which is crazy because I basically spent a month on the verge of consciousness. Maybe it’s all the drugs they fed into me.

Rising, I head to the small closet where I’ve packed the meager belongings I’ve managed to accumulate since I arrived. The rug is soft underfoot, its pale cream pile designed for comfort. Sierra had told me this apartment was partially furnished when they arrived – the pack prepares each unit for the families who will inhabit them. I think this was meant to be a nursery. It makes me sad that Sierra and Jagger will never have that.

On my way, I pass the tray on the dresser that still bears the remnants of my impromptu meal last night…not that there’s much remaining. In spite of not being hungry enough to go down to dinner, I wolfed down everything that was sent up to me. Now, my stomach churns as I look at it.

Ugh. What was I thinking?

Reaching into the closet, I pull out a T-shirt, shorts, and fresh underwear. I picked up some things at the little market in the center of town that I visited with Sierra the day after I got here. She’d introduced me to some of the others – a she-wolf called Raura had dragged me through racks of clothing until I had enough to keep me going. It was probably the start of me feeling normal again. Being around people. Fresh air. The sun on my skin.

God, I’d missed that.

Looking down at my legs now, I realize how pale I still am. It almost makes me reconsider the shorts, but then I decide against it. Only way to remedy that is to expose them more. At least they’re lean and toned, in spite of being a little too thin. There’s a lot to be grateful for.

Leaving my room, I head to the little kitchen and pour myself some fresh orange juice. Jagger and Sierra have only been here a week, but already, it’s a home. The refrigerator is stocked with wholesome snacks, and there’s a bunch of fresh flowers in a vase on the counter. When I lean to inhale the scent of the blooms, I see a note propped against it.

Gone to the daycare center. Back after lunch. Love you madly. Si.

I smile at the smiley heart she’s ended the note with. My brain may be foggy, but I remember every moment of love I’ve ever shared with my sister. And it’s a lot.

Rinsing my glass and putting it in the drying rack, I open the refrigerator door again. I guess I should be thinking about breakfast, but after last night’s binge, the thought of going down to the canteen isn’t appealing. I grab an apple and head to the living room, feeling a little out of place. The apartment feels full when Jagger and Sierra are here, but with just me in it, I feel alone.

Alone with my thoughts.

What’s bugging me right now is the way things ended with Gage the last time I saw him. I lost my temper, and that wasn’t fair. We’ve spent a bit of time together these past few days, and even though I told myself I’d keep some distance between us, it hasn’t worked out that way.

I owe him an apology.

I head for the door with the intention of going out and finding Gage so I can say sorry to him. It’s the right thing to do. And God knows I feel like I haven’t done enough right things lately. Aside from visiting Edirn – which caused shit anyhow.

When I open it, Gage is outside.

We both freeze, eyes locked. My heart stutters in my chest. I wasn’t expecting to see him right here on my doorstep.

“Oh…hi,” I say awkwardly.

“Hey.” His voice is low. It rumbles through me, and before I realize it, my nipples are tightening. I fight not to fold my arms over my chest. It’ll probably only draw attention to them.

We stand there, neither of us sure what to say. The air feels charged between us.

Finally, we both speak at the same time.

“I’m sorry—”

“I shouldn’t have—”

We stop, lips quirking into wry smiles.

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