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“Can I tell you something, Cassie?”

“Of course.”

“It drives me crazy to see you with Kent.”

“Parker, I-“

“Shh, come with me. We can’t talk here. Too many people.”

“I shouldn’t.”

“Yes you should.”

I was a little buzzed that night but I knew what I was doing. I chose to forget that my boyfriend of two months, the fun loving if vaguely stupid Kent Lopez, was not the guy I was following to a second floor bedroom.

Parker Neely and I had flirted before but that was all. We ran in the same social circles and always acknowledged each other and yet nothing had ever happened between us. Not until he put an arm around me in a dark corner of his backyard in the middle of a raucous party and told me he couldn’t stand to see me with one of his friends.

It was wrong. It was all wrong.

And yet I went anyway.

I kissed him anyway.

I took my shirt off for him anyway.

I got on his bed like he wanted and took his dick in my mouth anyway.

And I liked it.

The rumors would have flown around regardless because plenty of people had seen us go upstairs together. But it all would have just been gossip without the video. The camera was already set up in his room because he’d made a plan. Parker didn’t like anyone else to have something that he wanted. And he was cruel enough to turn it into the worst kind of game. I didn’t know what the hell Parker said to Kent to get him to go along with everything but I heard Kent had to cough up an iPad because that was the cost of the gamble he’d made with Parker. The infamous ‘I Bet Cassie Gentry Will Suck My Dick After One Drink’ wager.

And then there was the viewing party. Cami and I had a ten o’clock curfew so we were long gone from Parker’s house by the time he gathered a crew of his buddies together to see his cinematic masterpiece.

What happened next was predictable. And awful.

It seemed like everyone in school had seen it by Monday morning. The administration cracked down pretty quick. The police got involved. The worst moment came when I was sitting in the principal’s office while my parents listened to Mr. Esperanza’s soft voice summarize the details in the most delicate way he could. My mother buried her face in her hands and cried. My father’s face sagged with heartbreak. There were never any charges filed since the prosecutor’s office was overwhelmed with so many similar cases. My father wanted to sue the shit out of the Neely family but I think that was just because breaking every bone in Parker Neely’s body was illegal. However, a lawsuit would have dragged on for years and no amount of money would make this go away so he let the lawsuit notion drop. Parker was suspended. Not that it mattered. In the high school hierarchy there were too many who thought Parker had done nothing wrong, that he’d merely exposed a cheating slut. Cami stuck right by me of course but a lot of my friends became strangers overnight. The ones who remained seemed to tiptoe around me as if I was either breakable or dangerous. After the initial shock wore off I tried to tell myself everything would be okay. I could be strong. I could weather the storm. Worse things happened to other people every day and they persevered.

The first time I realized I wasn’t really okay was when I started crying in the middle of biology. When my concerned, elderly teacher asked me what was wrong I couldn’t talk, couldn’t summon the words to tell her that the boy sitting behind me kept mimicking the orgasmic soundtrack of the infamous Parker Neely video, starring the clueless and nearly nude Cassidy Gentry.

“Oh god. Yes that feels good, Parker. Yes I’ve always wanted this too.”

I ran out of the room and into the nearest bathroom. Someone was kind enough to track Cami down and let her know I was crouched in one of the stalls sobbing. She took me home. And the next day my stomach was hurting too much to get up and go to school.

My parents took me to doctors of course. Medical ones at first, and then psychologists. I had already dropped my extracurricular activities. Cheerleading was the first one to go. I was granted permission to finish the rest of the school year at home. My mother even set up a desk beside hers in the office where she wrote her romance novels. Cami and I had been looking forward to our senior year forever and I ended up spending most of it hiding in my house. The entire family rallied around me, not just my parents and sisters but all the aunts, uncles and cousins. That helped, knowing that there was a tribe of indomitable people who would be there no matter what. Aunt Truly was especially an angel, finding a reason to stop by every other day, whether it was to bring me a brand new skirt she’d stayed up half the night to sew or deliver a plate of freshly baked cinnamon rolls to tempt me to eat a little more. Eventually I was able to wake up in the morning without an impending sense of dread. The daily stomach aches, a byproduct of intense anxiety, finally stopped. I felt comfortable enough to cut back my therapy sessions to once every other week. And I managed to graduate with my class, although instead of happily skipping off to a university like my twin sister I opted to remain home while working easy jobs, avoiding relationships and pretending I wasn’t too much of a coward to broaden my horizons.

As for Parker Neely, I never knew what happened to him after high school. If I’d cared I probably could have found out but it was my secret hope that he’d contracted some untreatable chronic disorder. Not a fatal one. I wasn’t that vindictive. Just some minor ailment involving open sores and possible disfigurement would suffice. The fact that I’d found him sitting there in statistics class and looking disturbingly unscathed reminded me how unjust fate could be.

By the time I got home I was still weighing my options. It would probably be too late to find another math class that fit into my schedule for the first summer session. Parker Neely had already robbed me of too much. I wasn’t going to skulk away this time and hide in my bedroom. I wasn’t a shattered teenage girl anymore. I had nothing to be ashamed of. He did.

“Whoa,” said my father when I flung open the front door. “What’s the trouble, Cassie?”

I closed the door behind me with more care than I’d opened it with. “No trouble. Why do you ask?”

“Because that look on your face is identical to the one you had when Cadence cut up your junior prom gown so she could dress as a zombie bride for Halloween.”

“That was five years ago,” I said, trying to smile. “I’ve gotten over it.”

My father muted the television and studied me. He was perceptive and I didn’t want him to guess that something really was bothering me so I faked a yawn.

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