Page 21 of The Memories of Bellevue (The Bellevue Trilogy)

“We have to if we’re going to be together the way we want,” I said urgently. “Going north is really the only answer. You’d be free. We’d be free together.”

Her eyes were searching. “But what about mama? If I left it would break her heart.”

“We can take her with us.”

She looked at me. “I know her. She wouldn’t go.”

“But Lizzie knows what freedom is. Surely, she wants it again.”

“If she wanted it she would have it,” Jeyne replied. “And what aboutyourmother? You’d break her heart, too.”

“Yes, it would break,” I admitted. “But she’d understand.”

Jeyne’s brow furrowed into a deep frown. “Maybe. But it’s your Pappi you should worry about. He already has plans for you.”

“I don’t care about my father,” I said bitterly. “He doesn’t exist for me anymore.”

“But you’re his only son, the heir to Bellevue and everything he has.”

In light of everything I had learned about my father, I let go of any responsibilities I might have had as his son. I had become indifferent to his demands and remained as neutral as I could on topics related to plantation business.

“My father doesn’t decide my future.”

“He already has.” Her words were sharp. “He was making plans for your future long before you were even born. And the plan didn’t include you marrying one of his slaves. You’re to marry Elizabeth.”

“No, that arrangement ended the day I fell in love with you,” I said firmly. “You’re the one I love…the one I want to marry. And we can do that if you’re free. Up north. Don’t you want that?”

“All slaves want to be free, Thomas,” she said wryly. “For some, that’sallthey talk about. Look at Julius and Ezra. They wanted freedom. But what did they get? A beating for their efforts, the worst I’ve seen ever. It’s a wonder they’re still alive.”

I recoiled at the memory. Ezra and Julius, along with three other slaves from a neighboring plantation, had taken off in the dead of night to claim what was rightfully theirs. They got as far as Baton Rouge before they were caught and brought back with nothing more than the stamp of failure hung shamefully around their necks. Keegan beat them with sadistic pleasure, leaving Julius crippled and Ezra blind in one eye.

“That won’t happen to you,” I said.

“That’s easy for you to say. You’re white. Freedom comes naturally to you.”

“So, let’s use that to our advantage and start a life together.”

She reached out and touched my cheek. “Thomas, I love you so much. But please, don’t sacrifice yourself for me. Let this be what it’s going to be.”

“How can I? You’re a part of me. Youareme. I can’t pretend you’re anything else.”

She was close to tears. “What I am is a slave, no matter how many books you teach me to read. Nothing’s going to change that. Ever.”

I wiped her face with my handkerchief barely aware of the tears that were running down my own face. “I’m not going to stop loving you just because people think it’s wrong,” I said. “If we went north, I know things would be better. Just listen to my plan…”

Her body begin to relax a bit as I told her about Boston and my Uncle David, a lawyer and sympathetic man.

“He would take us in,” I said.

“And what about Jeb? Would he come with us, too?” I hadn’t thought that far but taking Jeb seemed like a good plan as well. After all, he was a dear friend and could serve as an extra pair of eyes and ears. “And can you can trust your uncle not to tell your father?”

I was surprised by the question but I understood it. In Jeyne’s experience, white men stood together.

“Of course we can,” I said. “My father and my uncle barely speak to one another. But he and I write as often as we can. He knows about you already.”

“But I’ve heard about the Negroes who go north. Things are just as horrible for them there as they are here.”

“Don’t believe that,” I said. “The traders spread those lies to scare the slaves. My uncle has told me stories that contradicted everything they say.”

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