Page 51 of Queen of Misfortune (Shadows of Redemption)

Donovan shakes his head. “You have value to Elena. That’s why you’re here.”

I nod. I accept it, even. If only I could be somewhere because I have value to someone who wants me for me.

"Lucy…" His voice is laced with something I can't place, something that sounds dangerously like care. Like he knows what I’m thinking. It's foreign, unexpected, and likely, I’m wrong, but for a moment, I let myself lean into his warmth. But only for a moment because vulnerability is a luxury I can't afford. I need to rebuild my walls, fast. I pull my hand back, folding into myself once more.

"Lucy, stop." Donovan's voice is a low rumble of frustration.

I ignore the warning signs he’s giving to stop me from withdrawing from him. I focus inward.

But then, his fingers brush against my cheek, and my resolve falters. I glance up, and there's something in Donovan's eyes that looks like pain, like longing. It's unnerving how much he sees, how much he wants to see.

"Please, don't pull away." His plea wraps around me, a tether pulling me to him. “You are somebody. You’re not alone.” And then, as if he wants to prove it, he closes the gap, and his lips find mine in a kiss. The minute his mouth is on mine, a whoosh of emotion washes through me. It’s not lust, per se. Its comfort. It’s gratitude at being seen.

But it’s wrong. I should push him away, reinforce the barriers that keep me safe. Instead, I melt into him, let go of the fight because deep down, I want this. I want to be seen, to be known, to be cherished.

His kiss deepens, and there's no space for thoughts, no room for doubts. There's only Donovan and the slow burn spreading through my veins, lighting me up from the inside out.

Donovan’s hands roam over me, finding the zipper of my dress and tugging it down. My heart pounds in a frenetic beat as the bodice of my dress falls away. My bra follows. My instinct is to cover myself because I’ve never been like this with a man.

His gaze holds mine, and I see heat, raw desire, and it fuels a feeling of power within me. Then his eyes cast downward to my breasts, and I see something else in him. Something like reverence.

His touch is fire as he traces the line of my collarbone and down to my breasts. My breath catches, and I'm falling into the sensation, as I did the last time he touched me.

The warning bell clangs again, but then he says, “Beautiful.” The word is like a caress. His lips suck my breast, and it sends an inferno that ignites my blood, turns my bones to liquid.

I reach for him, fingers tangling in the soft hair at the nape of his neck, pulling him closer.

He lifts his head, and his dark eyes are filled with longing. “Don’t turn me away, Lucy.”

I’m caught by him. I can’t say no even if I want to. “I won’t.”

His fingers caress my face. “Good. Because I can’t walk away another time.” Our lips meet again, and this time, it's a dance of tongues. It’s hot and sweet and more than I realized a kiss could be.

Soon, my clothes are gone and I’m lying on the bed. I feel like I should be embarrassed, maybe even ashamed. But the way he looks at me, like I’m a most precious treasure, keeps me entranced by him and what he’s doing.

Donovan’s hands and mouth roam over my naked body with the same reverence I saw earlier. I want to see him too, so badly that I push any remnant of doubt aside and tug at his clothes until he’s fully undressed. He’s all smooth skin over sculpted muscle. Except for the thin bandage still on his chest where he’d been shot.

The urge to touch him everywhere all at once has me hesitating, not sure where to start. Especially when I see his erection. Good Lord, how does something like that fit in a woman? Surely, it’s too long. Too wide.

From somewhere, he pulls out a condom, and I’m glad at least one of us is thinking straight. He slides it on, and then he kisses and touches me again. His hips settle over mine, pushing my thighs apart. His erection nudges my center, and all of a sudden, I’m thinking,Am I going to do this?

Again, it seems like I shouldn’t. I don’t love being a pawn, but I know my virginity is one of my greatest assets. I could sell it like Elena did. But as Donovan kisses me and touches me, all I can think about is wanting this from him. As much as I have disdain for him, something pulls me to him.

And so, I open for him. He thrusts in, and I cry out at the stab of pain.

He stills, followed by a sharp intake of his breath and a flicker of something like surprise in his eyes. “Lucy… God…” It's a half-question, half-apology. I’m not sure why, but I suspect it’s that I’m a virgin. Or I was until a moment ago.

I’m afraid that he’s going to stop, that there’s something wrong with what we’re doing. But now that I've crossed this threshold, I can't bear the thought of not seeing it through. So, I grab hold of him. “Please, don't stop.”

“I won’t hurt you. Or… I’ll try not to.” The tenderness in his voice fills my chest with warmth. When he moves again, it’s slow, smooth. He watches me like I’m his guide.

"Are you all right?" he asks.

I nod even though there is some discomfort. But soon, I feel different. The buildup of tension like he’d created the last time he touched me grows. I feel him inside me, the hardness, the ridges as he glides in and out methodically. I surrender to it, open to it.

"Stay with me.” His voice is rough, like it’s taking effort for him to speak.

I nod again because I can’t speak. My breath is coming in pants. My hands grip at him, needing more, more, more.

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