Page 7 of In Too Deep

“There are too many damn people here.” Robbie cuts his eyes over at me, and I shift uncomfortably under his glare. I’d been met with open arms, literally, when I arrived. But now I’m being punished for talking to Lawrence. Or at least that’s how it feels. “Come on.” He motions toward the door with his head as he turns his attention back to Lawrence. “Walk outside with me. I need to get some air.”

Robbie turns on his heels and leaves the room, Lawrence trailing behind him. I sigh, flapping the opening of my flannel shirt to help cool my overheated body.

This is the second time Robbie has pulled Lawrence away from me. It feels like old times. I suppose it’s true what they say: some wounds never heal.

4

By the time Sarah’s raised voice pulls me out of my trance and into the hallway, I’m not sure how much time I’ve spent hiding out in Robbie’s old bedroom, lost in my thoughts and memories.

I make my way down the hall and spot Sarah pacing around the kitchen, her expression almost angry as more visitors bring in food. She’s been a pillar of strength all day, but I can see the kinks in her armor now.

“Why are all these people bringing in food?” she shouts, picking up a box of chicken then angrily slamming it back down on the table. “I don’t want all these people here, or all this food. It makes everything too real. He isn’t gone yet.”

I want to go to Sarah and help console her but remain frozen in place, terrified I’ll fall apart. Instead, it’s Lawrence who comes to the rescue.

“Come on, Mom,” he says, placing his hands on her shoulders, gently coaxing her into a chair at the kitchen table. “Let’s get you something to eat.”

She nods absentmindedly, patting his hand in a loving appreciation before he pulls away. I watch him scurry around the kitchen, making Sarah a plate of food, trying not to melt into a puddle. It reminds me why it’d been so easy to fall for him. This, his caring, protective heart, is why I loved him even when I didn’t want to.

* * *

Once Sarah is eating and the situation is under control, I step outside again and send Spencer a quick text.

ME: Hey, just checking in. I’ll be here for a few more hours at least.

He doesn’t respond, so I slip my phone into my back pocket, ignoring the urge to text Lori to see if they are still together. Looking up, I see Robbie standing by his father’s boat all alone. After his behavior earlier, my initial reaction is to walk away as if I hadn’t seen him. I don’t feel much like awkward small talk, and I’m sure he came out here to be alone anyway. But when his sad eyes land on me, I slowly make my way over to him. Today isn’t about petty grudges or hurt feelings. Regardless of anything that happened in the past, I care about Robbie and want to be here for him today.

“How are things inside?” he asks as I plant myself next to him, leaning against Dave’s boat.

I shrug. “The same.”

He sighs, rubbing the back of his neck. “I had to get out of there for a minute. Jasmine is driving me crazy. I get that she wants to be here for the kids, but I don’t know why she had to bring her mother. I hate that woman.”

Caroline told me Robbie and Jasmine are in the middle of a divorce, so I was surprised to see her here today. But he’s right; it’s good she’s here for their three girls. They’re all so young, I hate that they’re already experiencing the pain of losing a loved one. I know exactly how that feels. My own grandfather wasn’t much older than Dave when he died of cancer. I was only fourteen then, but the ache of losing him never left me. I felt his absence when I got my first car and on my graduation day. He won’t be there for my wedding or ever get to meet his great grandbabies.

“I imagine that’s super uncomfortable for you.”

“Yeah…it really sucks having a woman who hates you around while you’re waiting to say goodbye to your fucking father.”

The grief in his words squeezes at my heart, and I relax into his side, laying my head on his shoulder. “I’m so sorry.”

“It’s not your fault. It is what it is.”

He lets out a long breath before we settle in the comfort of silence. It feels good standing here with him, as if all my sins have been forgiven. This feels easy and natural, like when we were kids.

But the second Lawrence walks out of the house and over to us, I feel Robbie’s walls go back up, his body stiffening before pulling away from me. Lawrence gives me a sideways glance before telling Robbie he needs to talk to him, and the two of them walk away as if I hadn’t been standing there at all.

Growing up, I considered Robbie one of my best friends. I loved him as if he were my own brother. I never meant or wanted to hurt him the way I did. I never meant to fall in love with Lawrence, but my heart had other plans.

Leah, Caroline’s oldest, comes bouncing up to me. Her bright eyes follow where my narrowed ones had just been before settling on me. “Hey, Aunt Cat. What are you doing out here alone?”

To say I adore Caroline’s kids would be a huge understatement. Leah, Mia, and Marcus are the best kids. I love my niece and nephew very much, but Caroline must be some kind of mommy whisperer because her kids are the sweetest and best-behaved kids I’ve ever met. That’s especially impressive, given the fact that Caroline had Leah right out of high school. While I was out being crazy and enjoying my freshman year of college, she was raising a tiny human. Mia had followed a few years later, and Marcus only thirteen months after that. Caroline was a young mother with her hands full, but you’d never know it.

“Well, I was out here talking to your Uncle Robbie, but Lawrence pulled him away and left me here all by myself.”

“That wasn’t very nice of him. Here he comes now.” My eyes widen as she waves him over. “Uncle Lawrence, come here.”

I’ve always loved that Caroline’s kids call me Aunt Cat, but the fact that they share the same closeness with Lawrence makes me feel envious as hell. I’m not jealous of his relationship with them; I’m jealous of their relationship with him.

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