Page 24 of In Too Deep

“I thought you were going to put your suit on. I’m ready to get in the pool, and you know it will take you an hour to put all your sunscreen on.”

I roll my eyes.

I’ve always been jealous of the natural tan color of her Native American skin. I have zero pigment and always burn in the sun. Caroline was made for summer, and I’m more of a winter person. Once, when we were nine, I begged my mom to let me go to the city pool with Caroline and her sister. My mother made Pam promise to make sure I put on sunscreen every hour and take breaks from the sun in the shade. Neither of those things happened, and I ended up with the worst sunburn I’d ever had. I spent the following week wearing nothing but a pair of panties and taking vinegar baths. My mother was furious, but I didn’t blame them. They didn’t have to worry about those things. I, on the other hand, would never make that mistake again.

“My stuff is still in Robbie’s room, and I think he’s in there changing.”

She lets out a dramatic sigh as she turns to face me, her hand landing on her hip. “You’ve got to stop sleeping in his room when you stay over. It gives him the wrong idea. You know how he feels about you.”

Stuffing the rest of the cheese-stick in my mouth, I nod. As much as I hate hearing it, I know she’s right. Robbie has always been interested in more than friendship. We were only five when we met, and even then, he looked at me like I was special. I’d be lying if I said it didn’t feel good, having someone want you the way Robbie does me, and it’s even better having someone like Robbie feel that way about me. He’s handsome, smart, funny, and so good to me. I know how lucky I am, and that I’m not worthy of his affections. I do love Robbie, just not the way he wants. He’s my friend, like a brother to me. Thinking about him any other way feels wrong.

“I know, I know. But it’s not like we sleep in the same bed. He sleeps on the bottom bunk, and I sleep on the top. You know I hate being sandwiched between you and Pam in your bed.”

The fact that Caroline shares a room and queen size waterbed with her older sister isn’t the only reason I always end up sneaking into Robbie’s room, but it’s a big part of it.

“Look…all I know is he eats that shit up like candy. If you ever want him to stop asking you out, you might want to stop spending so much time with him.”

“But I like spending time with him,” I whine. It’s the truth. I feel comfortable with Robbie. We play video games together, eat junk food, and laugh. These days, I prefer his company to Caroline’s. She’s so moody, and I feel like she’s always judging me. Plus, all she ever wants to talk about is boys. “Why can’t we just be friends? Why can’t that be enough?”

Caroline smirks. “Because he wants to do things to you, with you, friends don’t do.”

Groaning, I cover my face as it turns bright red. “Oh god, stop it.”

Caroline laughs at my discomfort, and my mind wanders to the time I agreed to let Robbie kiss me. We were ten and had stayed up really late watching Tales from the Crypt. I wasn’t allowed to watch that show at home, so I snuck it in every time I was here. The three of us were cuddled up in Caroline’s bed that night, with me in the middle. She had fallen asleep as soon as the show started, practically leaving me alone with Robbie. I could feel him watching me as I stared at the television, trying to ignore the fact that he was slowly getting closer to me. It wasn’t until the end credits began to roll that I looked over at him, my heart stopping when he asked if he could kiss me. The truth was, I hadn’t wanted to kiss him, but I said yes out of fear I would hurt his feelings or make him mad. He smiled so big when I agreed, and I wanted him to be happy. But right before his lips touched mine, I turned my head, and his kiss landed on my cheek.

A part of me wishes I’d let him kiss me that night. Maybe then I wouldn’t feel like he’s still waiting for that kiss. Now, I’m the only one in my group of friends who’s never been kissed.

When I pull my hands from my face, Caroline goes on. “I don’t see why you fight it so hard. I mean…you said it yourself, you like spending time with him. So, what’s the big deal? Don’t you want a boyfriend? Don’t you want to be kissed?”

I shrug, chewing on my bottom lip. Sure, I want those things, but mostly because I hated being teased about it. I’m not like Caroline. She seems to fall in love with a different boy every week. She shared her first kiss with a boy she barely knew. His family only lived up the street from her for about a year before they moved again. She didn’t care about him, and he’d tried to kiss me the very next day. Though, I never told Caroline that. It would’ve only made her angry at me.

When I kiss someone for the first time, I want it to mean something. I want it to be with someone who makes my heart race and stomach flip. I want to fall in love. But Caroline doesn’t see it that way. She’d given her virginity to Andrew on her thirteenth birthday. It wasn’t special, and it definitely wasn’t love. The guy is a total creep. Afterward, he told her he didn’t want to be her boyfriend, and he tries to sleep with every girl he encounters, including me.

Agreeing to be Robbie’s girlfriend when I don’t feel that way about him wouldn’t be fair to either of us.

15

Lawrence

Robbie is quiet and visibly tense as we sit on the patio waiting for Caroline and Cat to come out of the house. Even though I promised to be nice to Cat, he’s obviously still nervous about the two of us meeting. It isn’t exactly something I’m looking forward to. Given the choice, I wouldn’t do it. Still, I do know how to keep my mouth shut.

She was all over his room, her bag on the floor and girly vanilla scent in the air. Which means he let her stay in his room again last night. More of her games. He’s never going to learn. But I’m not saying a word.

The low summer sun beats down on me, and I wipe the sweat from my brow. I’d almost forgotten how suffocating the southern heat can be. I look over at the twelve-foot plastic and metal drum filled with five feet of water. It’s never looked more inviting.

“Why are we waiting on them anyway? I’m dying out here. Let’s get in the pool.”

He cuts his eyes at me, and I throw my hands up in surrender, relaxing into the back of my chair. I seriously hope he isn’t going to be this moody all the time. I miss my friend. I’ve only been back here for a couple weeks. Robbie is all I have.

The screen on the back door squeaks as it opens, and Robbie shifts in his chair, his back straightening as someone emerges. Caroline steps out wearing a tiny yellow bikini, a playful smile forming on her lips as she notices my stare. She’s obviously mistaking it as admiration. Honestly, I’m just not used to seeing her so skinny. I can’t say I like it. When we were kids, I had a crush on Caroline, but her appearance isn’t the only way she’s changed. Though, I suppose I’ve changed too.

My gaze moves to the girl walking behind her, instantly noticing she’s the complete contrast of her friend. Cat’s eyes are focused on the ground, her head down and long dark hair covering her face. She’s wearing a dark one-piece with a towel wrapped around her waist, covering her bottom half. Her arms are tucked tightly at her sides, her hands clutching the towel. I know it’s wrong to be ogling her this way, but I can’t stop my eyes from roaming over her milky white skin and insane curves. They’re unlike anything I’ve ever seen on a girl our age before. I’m starting to understand Robbie’s obsession.

Robbie stands as they step up to the table, and I do the same without removing my glare from Cat. She finally lifts her stare, and it lands on me. Her hazel eyes flutter with confusion, her pouty, pink lips parting as color fills her freckle-splattered cheeks.

I feel my own heating in response and have only one thought.

I am so screwed.

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